Making lemonade, y'all  

Seriously_Real 49M
1458 posts
8/17/2006 8:26 am

Last Read:
12/20/2012 2:26 pm

Making lemonade, y'all

The picture that accompanies this post is a well-known poster from a company called "despair" and it is a "demotivational" tool. The text is:

Mistakes

It could be that the purpose of your life is only to serve as a warning to others.

I have always always always loved this poster, but mostly for the sarcasm. Over the past year of self-awareness and awakening, however, I have realized that I was awash in lemons, as it were. Mistakes in my life were as abundant as fuckchops on the highway. And they were just as difficult to avoid.

But I'm a bright-side kind of guy. I'm a sunny-side-upper. I'm annoying that way.

I'm also quite serious about this. And right now, there are some people who might benefit from a cup of my "what I've learned" lemonade. Because maybe, just maybe, my purpose in life is only to serve as a warning to others.

1. I am an alcoholic. I haven't had a drink in almost six years, but that Beast doesn't die. I've just gotten it off my back and sleeping fitfully at times at the foot or my life. What message do I bring? There are two, really. FIRST, my experience will demonstrate that denial of a problem will not last forever. The Beast will overcome you whether you believe it is real or not. Sometimes the Beast wins when you wrap your car around a Minivan filled with children on the way to soccer (which happens, but thank God not to me.) I was lucky that I acknowledged the Beast before that happened. My experience demonstrates that if a ginormous ego like mine can be humbled, anyone's can. And it is better to do so before someone dies. SECOND There is life after alcohol. It sure does seem strange to an alcoholic, because "normal" is a life WITH alcohol. But for the non-drunks of the world, it is "normal" to go to bed without a six pack or two beforehand. Your lemonade, two cups -- Dismiss the signs at your peril, and get ready to be humbled. But being sober doesn't suck.

2. Honesty is hard but worth it. The thing that led me to end my marriage, believe it or not, is not that I fell "in love" with another woman. That was the result of who I was at the time, and who I was at the time was the result of a life lived dishonestly. Dishonesty is not simply active untruthing -- it is also a failure to say things that matter. I spent most of my life avoiding conflict with strong women, but simultaneously giving myself what I wanted. Rather than ask for what I needed, or rather than voice objection to things that bothered me, I would circumvent and remain silent. This pattern not only tainted every relationship I've ever had until this year, but it also kept me numb. It kept me from growing and dealing with life, with things that matter to me, with who I really am. After all, with no conflict, there is nothing to test your beliefs against. All that changed this year. I've said it before and I'll say it again -- people come into your life for a reason. For me, there is no doubt that SD30 came into my life to teach me honesty. As a result, I've found peace, I've broken patterns, and for the first time in my life I know who I am and what I want. Your lemonade -- Honesty is not just telling the truth; it is speaking up truthfully.

3. Keep the Main Thing the main thing. Yes, I know this was a post a couple days ago, but it is back again because of a comment I responded to on it by Pheonix_Dragon. She/They wanted to know what that really meant. In the course of answering it, I realized that the "Main Thing" is the last thing you'd let go of. It is the one thing you'd save from the burning house of your life, or the last thing you'd drop from the hot-air balloon of your heart to stay afloat, and so on. We all have more than one "Main Thing." The relevance now is that I realize the depth of another mistake of mine over the years, even this year up until very recently. You see, we all have houses filled with shit that aren't Main Things. We have hot air balloons laden with junk. And I have been guilty of letting all the shit get in the way of the Main Things. I have allowed "drama" to be a way of life, of caring too much about the unimportant, of being too "too" too often. It is easy to get caught up in it, particularly in this venue. It is absolutely liberating to take a step back, like getting a good night's sleep, and waking up with fresh eyes to see what truly matters. Strange how the Main Things stand out when you just refocus a bit. Your lemonade -- The Main Thing is the main thing. The rest is a distraction.

No charge for the ice, either....

--Seriously


meerkittykat 43F

8/17/2006 10:09 am

I shall take mine with extra ice and one of those little umbrellas.

"Dishonesty is not simply active untruthing -- it is also a failure to say things that matter."

I'm well aware eloquence is a strong point for you, but of everything you said, this, to me, resonates most loudly. It is always the things we think but do not say that lead us down a path from which there is little hope for return.


southrnpeach333 51F

8/17/2006 10:22 am

this one resonants.... seems several of those around me are evolving including myslef... when i look back on your journey here as i watched from the outside for a good long time before stepping into your circle it has been like watching a very eloquent movie unfold. i have seen, reflected in you, parts of my own falliblilty as i am sure others have while watching this part of your journey. thank you for allowing us to move along with you.


absolutelynormal 57F
6563 posts
8/17/2006 10:56 am

We're all here to learn, not just from our own mistakes but from those of others as well. Some of us are dumb enough to have to experience things first hand to actually understand (Mac raises her hand, I'm one of 'em). Total honesty is hard. I am mostly honest but sometimes not honest enough. The person I am most dishonest with is myself. I think we are all that way. We have things we know we need to take care of but it's easier to just keep thinking that it'll be OK. 10 percent of the population has an addiction problem. I've been clean and sober for a little more than 3 years. I love Switchfoot..."we we're meant to live for so much more, but we lost ourselves." As you know, it's entirely possible to reclaim your life. You did, I did/am, anyone can.... they just have to be willing to keep the main thing the main thing. Mac


EroticaXTC 50F

8/17/2006 12:17 pm

I echo your sentiment about dishonesty.
This is a good, thought-provoking post...


rm_1hotwahine 64F
21091 posts
8/17/2006 12:29 pm

    Quoting meerkittykat:
    I shall take mine with extra ice and one of those little umbrellas.

    "Dishonesty is not simply active untruthing -- it is also a failure to say things that matter."

    I'm well aware eloquence is a strong point for you, but of everything you said, this, to me, resonates most loudly. It is always the things we think but do not say that lead us down a path from which there is little hope for return.
I'll have a cup of what she's having. Exactly.

Yeah, I'm still [blog 1hotwahine]


fantasylover_05 63M

8/17/2006 12:38 pm

I believe this is truly one of your best posts!! It is open and honest and I commend you for it!

I do so strongly believe in TRUTH and you are absolutely right in that in order for it to be truth it MUST be said and acted upon!

It is also true we all so easily lose sight of the main thing as our lives are cluttered with the superfluous shit around us.

I love my LEMONADE THANK YOU!! It is JUST RIGHT!!


bipolybabe 56F

8/17/2006 1:23 pm

Excuse me while I gush a bit. That was beautiful and perfect and hit me where I live.

Thank you,

BPB

BPB

Check out my blog Bi-Poly-Babe for more sensual, sexual pleasure!


ArgosPlumyKooky 46F
3902 posts
8/17/2006 2:58 pm

thanking you for a refreshing read


cautious4102 59F
76 posts
8/17/2006 6:49 pm

Seems like honesty is a hot topic on the blogs these days. If more people operated on that foundation there might be fewer lessons to be learned or lemonade to be made. Meerkittykat certainly added the straw to your lemonade. Thanks for being willing to share what obviously have been hard learned lessons and doing it in such a profound way. I look forward to more lemonade in the future.


curious082385 32F
4925 posts
8/17/2006 11:34 pm

Ok, posts like this are why I love to read this blog so much. You aren't afraid to share your experiences--good or bad--with us. Loved the honesty of this post and have to agree with Meer on her choice for favorite line. Great read!


economickrisis 56M

8/18/2006 1:01 am

Struth what a post. It really got as bloke thinkin. I like yer concept of THE MAIN THING. I'll get back to ya.


Mermaidslut 51F

8/18/2006 2:21 am

Sensitive souls often self medicate to hide from their perceived pains of the world. The trick, is finding out ways to reconnect with the world, that are honest to your true callings in life.

The problem, is that in tick tock society, we no longer have places in our culture for people whom are not able to adapt very well to our rigid culture. Our competitive culture. Our culture that leaves you ass in the gutter, and steps over you if you don't measure up.

This leads to anxiety. Anxiety over confrontation and the fear of the repercussions of not measuring up, brings holding in feelings and creates dishonesty because the fear keeps it bottled up inside. (i.e. A husband holding in his feelings, instead of sharing with his wife such as the guy who gets laid off at work, yet packs his lunch and pretends to go to work every day because he is fearful he has failed "as a man, the family provider)and can not deal with it face on.)

Of course, if the main thing was the main thing, he might not have been so afraid to approach his wife, who only saw him as a found credit card.

In non tick toc societies, there are places for everyone to find acceptance. In other words, mistakes in our culture, do not mean you are making mistakes as a person so be careful of internalizing you "competitive natures" so much. Life isn't about living it on a race track and coming in first, as our society often teaches. Life, is more like a sightseeing trip, and you gotta learn to enjoy the good along with the bad.


rm_corezon 54F
3376 posts
8/18/2006 5:46 am

    Quoting meerkittykat:
    I shall take mine with extra ice and one of those little umbrellas.

    "Dishonesty is not simply active untruthing -- it is also a failure to say things that matter."

    I'm well aware eloquence is a strong point for you, but of everything you said, this, to me, resonates most loudly. It is always the things we think but do not say that lead us down a path from which there is little hope for return.
Absolutely. Resonates with me the most loudly, also.


sexyariesgirl 58F

8/18/2006 5:01 pm

Great post! I love that you have discovered so many wonderful things during your journey. I can so identify with that feeling!

Power To FOK


GoddessOfTheDawn 106F
11240 posts
8/19/2006 4:00 pm


gud, powerful post

thx


SingleNLooking72 107F

8/21/2006 9:01 am

1. Thank god I've never had that problem! My ex was boarderline at a few times in his life, but that was as close as I've been.

2. "Dishonesty is not simply active untruthing -- it is also a failure to say things that matter." Boy did I learn that the hard way! I have had that discussion a million times, with my ex, in the last 15 years!

3. This is SO DAMN HARD! I struggle the most with this. I get distracted with trying to simplify my life, trying to aviod it, or just damn dealing with b/s in it, that this sometimes gets lost. When you have a serious struggle about what the "TOP DOG MAIN THING" is, it makes it even harder!


ArtisticTwist75 42F
2505 posts
8/22/2006 4:49 pm

You know that I sooooooo totally understand this struggle... Sometimes the main thing is just being good to yourself. Good post.


rm_smosmof2 68M
3240 posts
8/25/2006 7:58 pm

Ok. now I understand you a bit better. I piece of the puzzle just slipped into place.

I ask you one difficult question:

Are you "merely" an acoholic, or do you have an addictive personality? Dropping one doesn't help much if you just replace it with another.....


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