Love on the Run (no, not like that)  

Seriously_Real 49M
1458 posts
7/21/2006 11:18 am

Last Read:
7/24/2006 9:48 pm

Love on the Run (no, not like that)

This post has taken a while to germinate and sprout. It is another post from me about the nature of love, but it is not about love. This time, I am thinking about how we love, and I've been thinking about it in quantitative terms, too. Utop might just have an orgasm going through this one (but that's not the goal of the post, believe me).
The animating thought that led to this post came from a simple question: Do some people have the capacity to love more than other people?

And if so, why has no one ever measured it?

But first, a prefatory analogy.

Walking, as you know, is nothing more than synchronized falling.

Running is a speedier version of the same thing, though the runner's body actually leaves the ground temporarily during a run and a walker keeps at least one foot on the ground at all times.

Then again, some people cannot walk at all because of injury or birth defect.

On the other hand, there are some who have had amputations that learn to walk, and even run, with prosthetics.

There are the immature who have to crawl first, then stumble around like drunks, before they have enough balance to proceed apace.

There are the highly matured who, after a lifetime of walking, walk no more.

And then there are the athletes -- the world-class sprinters, long-distance runners, and hurdlers.

I have come to the view the we, as humans, differ in our ability and style of loving as we do in our ability and style of walking/running. Follow me here as I draw this out further: The vast majority of people do not regularly run, but will do so from time to time, certainly will do so when they must (to catch the bus, etc.) on occasion and absolutely know HOW to do so because they've done it in the past. And would you not agree that the act of loving for most people is, as I am implying here, a rather pedestrian matter for most people?

Love is the most taken-for-granted miracle there has ever been. To most, it is as routine as, well, walking. And most people give it just that much thought.

On the other hand, there are runners out there who take the movement seriously. These people train for it, and are in tune mentally and physically with their bodies as they run for health and exercise. And don't we all know people who seem to just have a bigger "heart," as it were? Who simply "care" a little more about every thing? Who are truly affectionate and warm? I think these are the casual amateur runners of love.

There are those who are crippled, to be sure. (Forgive the analogy here, though, because I do not in ANY way want to suggest that the physically challenged are emotionally handicapped in any way.) But for the purposes of our analogy, from an emotional standpoint only, don't we all know people who seem to have come from the womb with a defect of character that makes them incapable of real feeling, or has disfigured their outlook on life such that all around them is blackness? Even more than that, though, I think most often of those who have been injured, been crushed, been severed by life's circumstances or the careless act of another. Their injuries make them incapable of feeling, or loving freely and easily again.

Some of these emotionally-challenged find prosthetics and heal, and even thrive again. This is wonderful, heroic, and our society is correct to celebrate them.

And then there are the athletes. As rare on the other end of the spectrum as the physically challenged, the physically uber-blessed have speed, power, agility and simply the ability to do things that normal human beings cannot. They are able to jump hurdles faster than most people ran ride a bicycle. They are able to sprint so fast that they must be timed in hundredths of seconds. Or they can run so far so fast for so long without tiring that you can only conclude that they are not made of the same flesh and blood. So too, it is, with some in this world. These are the ones that they write the movies about, the songs about, the fairy tales about. These are the ones that endure years of war and pain and hardship and separation. These are the legendary loves, the ones that we all point to and say "Yes, dammit! Like that! I want that. . . ."


I went all the way through the metaphor because I wanted to draw focus on the "athlete" category, and I first had to demonstrate why I think such a category exists. Ultimately, I do believe that there are some people with a greater capacity, a greater drive, or a more intense longing for love than others. That does not make them better, or worse people. But it definitely affects their lives. The highs are higher, the lows are lower, but they have no choice but to surf the tsunami. It's just there..

I am one of those people. I cannot be casual in love, or life, or almost anything. It is not so much the adrenaline or the excitement, but simply my natural capacity for love I think. I am burdened with this, for both better and worse. (And if you think this sounds arrogant, do not forget how low the lows can go. This is not about anything other an emotional intensity.)

Because I am, I cannot be yoked with another who does not share that intensity, or who will be seared by the flame. I have known this from the beginning, as well. I have always sought out personalities and strengths that appear to be similarly built. And I've been very lucky.

I think I might have actually won this time. When I wrote my very first e-mail to My Imaginary on that other site that's match dot something, I told her I had read her profile, and that "You could actually be perfect for me." I did not intend it to come across so serious and heavy handed as she initially took it, but now I'm going to stand behind it.

She is perfect for me.

As she and I sometimes stand back and examine our life paths that led us here, one thing stands out for both of us -- we have always known when it was not "it." She married "not-it" once. I married "not-it" twice and have had wonderful and miserable experiences with all the "not-its" in my life so far.

So why have we both been so willing to keep looking, to keep trying? So many people simply accept what they have. Why could she and I not do that?

Because it is not who we are. We are not built to "settle" or to accept less than a full-on, all-out, blaze-of-glory-along-the-trail of love.

I am glad I kept looking. And training. Because it is showtime now . . .


p.s.>>> Blogville is filled with athletes. And THAT is why I love this place. THAT is why I keep coming back to you. Because you DO understand this, my friends. Yes. You. Do.

fantasylover_05 63M

7/21/2006 11:46 am

WOW... and I thought I would read something "light" this afternoon.... this is very thought provoking to me........

First given you know my current situation and so I must think about this as it relates to that....

Secondly, I just came from a funeral of a friend.. 42 year old male... married for the first and only time later in life (late 30's)... has a 6 month old and a 3 year old... found the love of his life in his wife and then his children... a true athlete (both in love and sports LOL )... and so I contemplate this as it relates to that friend and his life and love.....

And then as I combine the two and think about my own life and loves........................

Thank you Seriously................................

rm_gerson42 53M
2419 posts
7/21/2006 12:09 pm

The capacity for love and to be loved I believe is natural and a part of us being human. It is up to the individual on how we are able to develope the abilities to actually feel, receive and express love and being loved. Great post, as usual.

rm_1hotwahine 64F
21091 posts
7/21/2006 12:34 pm

Sweetie, I tried, I really did. I agreed with the parts about capacity to love. But I just couldn't wrap around the whole athlete thing. For me I think it's because I see athletics as something we push or strive for. And I see loving as something we open up for, become receptive to, embrace. It doesn't have to do with "pushing vibes out" as much as letting them be. Or even letting them in.

Maybe it's a gender difference.

Interesting post.

(prefatory? Friggin' English Major show off...)

Yeah, I'm still [blog 1hotwahine]

southrnpeach333 52F

7/21/2006 1:17 pm

I am an atlete...I get put on the DL list at times and think about retiring from time to time...but i am a life long runner.

TheRealThing655 49F
9558 posts
7/21/2006 1:48 pm

I think this is one of your best posts ever (maybe because it's all not about you (kidding) but about people in general.
I agree with everything you say. I have always had a big heart, a huge heart, casual is not easy for me though I have done it.

So many people simply accept what they have. - That statement applies to my future-ex. He still believes what we had was enough. But I realized so many years later it was not what I wanted, or believed love to be, or was worth staying in because it was mediocre, and really for me, less than that.

Why could she and I not do that? That is what makes us all different Seriously. I am the same way. I need to give and receive love, feel wanted and want to return that as well. Like you, I believe and will always believe- whether or not it happens in the long run. I will never be bitter enough to not be able to love again.

You are both where you are because you both still believed.

rm_DaphneR 59F
8023 posts
7/21/2006 1:56 pm

"Love is the most taken-for-granted miracle there has ever been. "

{font face='comic sans ms']You are so right on this one. There are too many people that take it so lightly as to throw it away because they don't have time or some such nonsense as that.

Just goes to show that the challenged have a hard time keeping up more often than not.[/font]

Have tongue, will use it. Repeatedly.

rm_sheriamore2 52F
20 posts
7/21/2006 1:56 pm

Thank you so much Seriously!! Truly a brilliant post! It gives me a great way to frame things because that is a question I have been wondering about a great deal lately. I congratulate you wholeheartedly on finding your love. It is because of people like you and your imaginary that I have hope. Blessings to you both!

NSAAddict 43F

7/21/2006 2:08 pm

That's an excellent post Seriously, gives you a lot to think about. You are right though, Blogville is filled with athletes Good luck with the marathon

OboesHonedIambs 63F

7/21/2006 2:25 pm

Nice post and apt analogy. Just don't switch from running to looking before you leap

Instant Human -- Just Add Coffee

sensualgirfriend 60F

7/21/2006 3:41 pm

I have been taught that 'life is not a rehearsal'.

You made the statement:

I am glad I kept looking. And training.

Yes. That's it.

Enjoy the show!

--SensualGF sensualgirfriend

jadedbabe78 107F

7/21/2006 4:18 pm

Great post and I agree with your meaning behind the post. The definitions you have are something I don't entirely agree with. My own interpretation of things.

Good for you on finding your perfect match. That is awesome.

rm_sj365 57F
2414 posts
7/21/2006 6:17 pm

Do some people have the capacity to love more than other people?

I think some people are more willing to put forth the do the work (and it is work)

loving the loveable is easy, its when you begin to learn to love the love what doesnt love you back, to love your enemies... i think that is when you learn your true capacity for love.

Mermaidslut 51F

7/21/2006 7:14 pm

Some people are so injured on the track of love, in all it's shapes and forms that they have scars that are not always visible because they are on the inside. But, their capacity for love, I believe does not diminish. It is just perhaps directed into another channel. Love, and passion, can take many more shapes then just between two sexually attracted individuals

aascrompn 43M
6444 posts
7/22/2006 12:15 am

I am certainly not an athlete, but I think I know where you are coming from...

My questions - First, why now? I mean, with all due respect, what separates Her from the rest? What make it different than the others that you went through the Abyss with? What makes her different from those you met after having cleared the Abyss? What makes her the possible 'one'?

Please forgive my ignorence, but I'm intrigued by you as a person and as a friend, and I just don't understand...


Seriously_Real replies on 7/22/2006 5:49 am:
These are all fair questions, Scrompn....very fair. And I've been holding off on a full explanation because, well, I do not think it is time yet.

The problem with me, of course, is your very first question. "Why now?" Great question, and one that i cannot answer except to say that "It was not the plan, but the reality anyway." See, I know that I'm like the boy who cried wolf...but sometimes it's the truth. And right now, here, I can tell you it has actually happened. The timing is suspect to friends of mine (like you), but that doesn't change the fact that once I stopped looking I found her. Like I've always said it happens, if you recall.

As for why her and why she's different? Ah....THAT will be the subject of a long post one day.


aascrompn 43M
6444 posts
7/22/2006 5:57 am

    Quoting rm_sj365:
    Do some people have the capacity to love more than other people?

    I think some people are more willing to put forth the do the work (and it is work)

    loving the loveable is easy, its when you begin to learn to love the love what doesnt love you back, to love your enemies... i think that is when you learn your true capacity for love.
Holy shit, is this a very powerful comment! She's completely right, and I would love to hear you opinion on this, further!!


7/22/2006 9:52 am

Hmmmm....I tend to think that people who fall in "love" so quickly and repeatedly are a little sad. Usually it turns out that they have those rose colored glasses on and, in the beginning, everything is soooo wonderful and perfect. Then as time goes by, reality starts to sink in. You see it in the real world. You especially see it here when bloggers start giving every detail of their romances to blogland. In the real world, I've had a couple of friends who would do this over and over again. Each time professing this was their true love over and over again. I finally had to ask them...are you trying to convince me you are in love or are you trying to convince yourself?

aascrompn 43M
6444 posts
7/22/2006 11:13 am

I must admit that I'm very proud of your current disposition! Please don't take any of this in a bad way, I'm just curious. I'm very proud for you and Her... Keep up the great work, my friend!

MoonRise9 59M

7/22/2006 11:33 am

and no run-on sentences either

eclecticsoul4u 58F
942 posts
7/22/2006 1:42 pm

What makes someone lovable?

ArtisticTwist75 42F
2505 posts
7/22/2006 7:09 pm

I'm so not up for reading a long post right now... but I wanted to say hi and give ya candy just for being you...

Artistic (completely ignoring long ass post)

curious082385 32F
4925 posts
7/23/2006 10:25 pm

This is one of your best posts, I think. And as one athlete to another, you nailed the concept dead on. Love is the center of my matter whether it is my love for my friends, family or that special someone. Relationships always have my full attention and I'd go as far as possible for them. Some people say that is bad, that it can be detrimental, some even go so far as to call it clingy or co-dependent....few people understand that it isn't something I could not do. I have to ride that wave, have to take that one more step, have to take all those risks. I can't turn nature demands that I chase it down as far as it will go.
*grins and tosses cold water bottle to fellow athlete*

earthShiva 61M

7/24/2006 9:25 pm


I'm going to go out on a limb here and challenge you on this post for a change. There's something forced in your athleticism analogy, something that sounds more like a man who is at his most comfortable when he overcomes obstacles and is Master of his Destiny.

Could it be that our measure as lovers is not a matter of how well we can play the game at which we excel? Perhaps it is the measure of how well we can invent a new game that somehow exercises our playmate's and our own diverse skills to their fullest and helps us each develop new ones, rather than just pushing the ones we know to a higher competitive level. Frankly, your post makes it sound like you have one game, that you play it to the same intensity all the time, and that you cannot meet another person on any level other than the one that suits you in the place where you are comfortable. That's not love. That's playing it safe.

My wife is perfect for me. She was perfect for me 22 years ago and she is more perfect now. My lover of three months is also perfect for me, in her own unique and beautiful way, and, believe me, it's a totally new game! So was the woman to whom I lost my virginity and so was the one who showed me what a broken heart felt like. All different, all perfect because nobody knows the race we are destined to run, not even our own. The starting line, the finish line, and the obstacles on the course are all different, and every one a mystery. That makes it impossible to judge the importance of any lover's gift to our future challenges.

Nothing I say should stop you from celebrating the perfection of this moment. It is perfect, because it is your moment. But perhaps my words can help you to find a different perfection with your Imaginary, with yourself, and with each of the minor players around you. Somebody let them on the playing field for a reason...

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