I am what I am...but not all at once.  

Seriously_Real 49M
1458 posts
4/23/2006 5:11 pm

Last Read:
4/26/2006 5:26 am

I am what I am...but not all at once.

One of the Rules I live by (and I won't post them over again once more for the third time) is Rule #1 -- I am what I am. Running away from what I serves no good purpose, and for about 36.25 years of my life, it served me ill. The truth is, I know who I am. I have always known it. I just have not always been willing to admit it.

They're the faces of The Stranger and we love to try them on.

-- Billy Joel, "The Stranger"

______________________

I now am able to admit who I am. I am a child. I am a grownup. I am a romantic, poet, dreamer, an idealist. I am prone to believing my own bullshit. I am logical, linear, creative and untethered. I am the most giving man you'll ever meet. I am the most selfish man on earth. I am all about you. I am all about me.

I am alot of everything. I am imperfect.

I am perfect.

So they called for the doctor,
The doctor set it straight
'He's got pistols on his fingers
He's got love on his brain
He's got a tongue good for lying
And the legs to run away --
He will fool all the people
All the time someday.'


-- Chris de Burgh, "Making the Perfect Man"

______________________

When I am in love, I am virtually lost and obsessed with her. I want to give her everything, show her everything, do everything for her before she asks for it or even knows she needs it. I want to be EVERYTHING for her. I say all the time that I am a "giver." It is who I am in a relationship. That's what I do. I have said it before, but I'll say it again -- I will crawl to hell and back three times over broken glass for the woman I love.

In the past, this has not been a problem, for I am attracted to the types that can handle that. I am drawn to the huge appetites. Those who are not overwhelmed surf a tidal wave. In all due immodesty, I know that this can be quite a ride.

This is the intensity that is me, the intensity that I warned about over and over and over again. It can be blinding, overwhelming, and even suffocating at times. But I believe that some believe it is worth the trip.

I would walk 500 miles
And I would walk 500 more
Just to be the man who walked a thousand miles
To fall down at your door.


--The Proclaimers, "500 Miles"

____________________

My romantic, sensitive-man act is the one that plays most often in these blogs and in real life. But that is not who I am. That is part of who I am.

I am also an incredibly horny, voracious, testosterone-addled Alpha Male that can be just as sexually intense. This is not a persona I subordinate on purpose; it is instead just part of me that, at times, is at odds with the Serious Man that tends to be my default position. It would be a mistake to assume that because the Serious guy shows up all the time that this fuck-machine beast does not exist. He does. And like the werewolf that appears once a month during the full moon, this beast will emerge almost automatically if he has not been out to play enough.

And that's happening right now to me. I've been the "sensitive" man for a very long time lately. It has been natural and exactly who I am. But the beast has been waiting in the wings and will wait no longer. Cue ominous music, because for the past few days, my MEN-strual cycle has the beast coming out. I have been hornier more frequently, and more intensely, than in recent memory. "Fuck you and your 'serious' shit. Cut me the fuck loose," he says.

It isn't always pretty when he gets like that. And it isn't always welcome. But it is what it is, because I am what I am. Just not all the time.

Makin' like defrocked priests, goin' through the motions,
A double-backed beast, without the holy lotion
Generate heat, and move without emotion
And let it feel.....like swimming in the ocean.


--David & David, "Swimming in the Ocean"

_____________________

So why this post, why now? Because this blog comes from an honest place in me. I've been seeing this coming, this tension of who I am, how I am perceived, and the irritation that I must admit to having that I am not seen completely or even accurately from all sides.

Full disclosure is what this is. I am what I am, warts and all, scars and all, and rigid boners and all. I am what I am, selfish, childish, giving and serious. I am what I am, and for some reason, it is important that I say it.

And you know what's really funny about that? It is far less important to me that you understand it than it is that I say it in the first place.

For what is a man, what has he got?
If not himself, then he has naught.
To say the things he truly feels
And not with words of one who kneels.


--Frank Sinatra (Paul Anka), "My Way"

--Seriously (thinkin' about shit)


ArtisticTwist75 42F
2505 posts
4/23/2006 5:42 pm

I admire a man that can be both Serious as well as driven and voracious.

Artistic


Seriously_Real replies on 4/24/2006 5:02 am:
Being serious and driven and voracious ain't always what it's cracked up to be....sigh.

TheRealThing655 49F
9558 posts
4/23/2006 5:48 pm

You sound like a perfect man to me Seriously. You know yourself pretty well, that's good. You will find what you crave. I know that.


Seriously_Real replies on 4/24/2006 5:03 am:
Thanks Sister Real. It's all good, whatever it is. One thing I do know is that it doesn't do me any good to pretend....

EroticaXTC 51F

4/23/2006 6:12 pm

...to thine own self be true...


Seriously_Real replies on 4/24/2006 5:03 am:
I can follow that advice. It's the "Neither a borrower nor a lender be" bit that fucks me...heh.

rm_1hotwahine 64F
21091 posts
4/23/2006 7:25 pm

I'm not sure how you're going to take this but this is the first long post of yours in ages that I actually read all the way through, word for word. Usually I start skimming half way through. Anyway, there was something oddly grounded about this one.

Yeah, I'm still [blog 1hotwahine]


Seriously_Real replies on 4/24/2006 5:05 am:
I am conflicted about the comment. Sigh....but it's okay. I appreciate that at least ONE of my 300 or so posts got a full read, and I suppose of you were going to read any of them, it should be this one.

jadedbabe78 107F

4/23/2006 8:30 pm

Honesty with yourself is the key to honesty with others. I admit, like 1hot, I actually read this all the way through without skimming, too. I'm just a lazy ass, sue me.

~Jadey


Seriously_Real replies on 4/24/2006 5:06 am:
Et tu, Jadey? A skimmer? oh my....i need to rethink my posting style. Maybe I should LOL all over the fucking place and do lots and lotsa smileys?

Seriously_Real replies on 4/24/2006 5:07 am:
Oh, and btw -- thanks. (But don't taunt me into suing you.)

redlipsprincess
(Princess Lips)
53F

4/24/2006 1:02 am

I am a bitch, I'm a lover, I'm a child...

TTFN


Seriously_Real replies on 4/24/2006 5:08 am:
A goddess on your knees?

curious082385 32F
4925 posts
4/24/2006 1:34 am

"to thine own self be true"

I admire the way that you can put yourself out here for all of us to see and not try to hide the not-so-pretty parts of yourself. It would be easy here to try and come across as someone perfect or without baggage. But you don't...you are simply honest and grounded.


Seriously_Real replies on 4/24/2006 5:09 am:
It took a long time, and the example of one remarkable woman, to get me here. But I am here. And while it may be hard to keep my baggage and patterned ways of behavior from leaving this grounded place, I want to hold this little plot of land I claim as my own, rocks and all. Thanks, C.

rm_AmishAmy 102F
246 posts
4/24/2006 4:46 am

you know me and my feelings of neil diamond....but because of your nagging...i am listening to him from time to time...this reminded me of you:

I don’t have a lot but with me that’s fine,
Whatever I got, well, I know it’s mine.
I don’t go around with the local crowd.
I don’t dig what’s in, so I guess I’m out.
I’m sayin’ these things so you know me, baby.
So you understand what I’m all about.

There ain’t a man alive can tell me what to say.
I choose my own side and I like it that way.
I don’t worry about all the things that I’m not.
There’s only one thing that I want I ain’t got.
You know that I’m talkin’ about you, baby.
But you better know before you come along.

I’m sayin’ these things so you know me, baby.
So you understand what I’m all about.
The boat that I row won’t cross no ocean;
The boat that I row won’t get me there soon.
But I got the love and if you got the notion,
The boat that I row’s big enough for two,
Just me and you.

so yeah...it's good to know who you are....be comfortable in your skin...
but it's even better to look forward to who you will become with time....if you forget that...ask anyone here....they'll remind you of how good you look in change..

AA


Seriously_Real replies on 4/24/2006 6:31 am:
That was incredibly touching. Thank you. Wow.

jadedbabe78 107F

4/24/2006 8:01 am

Seriously_Real replies on 4/24/2006 5:06 am:
Et tu, Jadey? A skimmer? oh my....i need to rethink my posting style. Maybe I should LOL all over the fucking place and do lots and lotsa smileys?

Seriously_Real replies on 4/24/2006 5:07 am:
Oh, and btw -- thanks. (But don't taunt me into suing you.)

It's not you, it's me. Seriously, it is....what can I say? I get lazy and am not functioning right at the moment. I'm just a slut puppy who has no brain.


Seriously_Real replies on 4/25/2006 7:07 am:
You aren't a slut puppy. A slut monkey, maybe, because monkeys are funny.

MoonRise9 59M

4/24/2006 8:32 am

"My romantic, sensitive-man act is the one that plays most often in these blogs and in real life. But that is not who I am. That is part of who I am."
Man, do I know this one and often have a hard time moving from one to the other. I've learned to speak up earlier in the relationship as differences between us "appear to" emerge. I say "appear" because some "apparent" differences may not be as problematic as my "sensitive-man" imagined. He's often so full of shit.

In the past few years, I've encouraged the women I've been in relationship with to tell me, "just shut up and kiss me."


Seriously_Real replies on 4/25/2006 7:08 am:
That's actually great advice. "Just shut up and kiss me." Of course, that presumes that she wants to kiss you and not smack you upside the head....

MoonRise9 59M

4/24/2006 8:36 am

Oh, sorry, forgot something. I read pretty much all your posts, beginning to end, feel a lot in common with you, and learn a lot from our differences.

On a lighter note, didn't Popeye say "I yam who I yam"?


Seriously_Real replies on 4/25/2006 7:09 am:
It was popeye, yes. The first zenmaster -- true fact.

EroticaXTC 51F

4/24/2006 5:42 pm

    Quoting EroticaXTC:
    ...to thine own self be true...
LOL, I usually leave that part out


Seriously_Real replies on 4/25/2006 7:10 am:
I wish I had left it out, my ownself. Nice hat.

rm_1hotwahine 64F
21091 posts
4/24/2006 7:11 pm

"I am conflicted about the comment. Sigh....but it's okay. I appreciate that at least ONE of my 300 or so posts got a full read, and I suppose of you were going to read any of them, it should be this one."

Because I skim? You don't skim?

Yeah, I'm still [blog 1hotwahine]


Seriously_Real replies on 4/25/2006 7:11 am:
If I skim, it is to see if I want to read it. I don't read every post everyone puts up, with a few exceptions (you among them). I don't read erotica, for example. So I'll skim to see if that's what it is, etc. But most of the time if I'm going to read it, I actually and truly read it. Hazard of my profession, I suppose.

rm_1hotwahine 64F
21091 posts
4/25/2006 11:34 am

You know, I'm not sure whether this is physically related or lives in the AO ADD realm, lol but I've noticed something - I can't read long things on a computer screen. There have been a couple of times that I've run across really good (extremely long) fiction but I just couldn't stay with it. I actually (this is ridiculous) copy/pasted and then printed it out, so that I could stay focused on reading it. Strange, huh?

Anyway, that's the root of my skimming, babe, not directed to you specifically. Although it might have been directed to a few of the Her posts in your previous incarnations, lol.

Yeah, I'm still [blog 1hotwahine]


Seriously_Real replies on 4/25/2006 12:14 pm:
Noonerboy was a long-winded fucker, wasn't he? Glad he's gone...poofy boy....

rm_1hotwahine 64F
21091 posts
4/25/2006 11:35 am

and did I mean to or did I mean at?

Yeah, I'm still [blog 1hotwahine]


Seriously_Real replies on 4/25/2006 12:15 pm:
because it is an inanimate object, and because it is not a destination, it would be "at" I believe. I can direct something to something that can receive it. I direct something "at" something I want to smack into it. Here, I think you mean the latter.

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