My Evil Friend, Miss Muffett  

SensuousWoman3 56F
900 posts
6/23/2006 12:58 am

Last Read:
7/29/2006 8:08 am

My Evil Friend, Miss Muffett

I often hang out at a girlfriend’s house in the summer months. We sit around on the back patio and yak and yak and yak. She is quite the gardener, so I am always admiring the latest blooming beauties about her yard. It’s a very tranquil place to be except for one little thing---snakes! Garter snakes. They don’t bother her a bit but they startle the hell out of me and make my skin crawl.

Yes, yes, I know they eat insects and I know they are supposed to be more afraid of me than I need to be of them---but somehow I doubt that. My friend is evil, too. Just as I was walking out her back door onto the patio, she took advantage of that very moment, just as I had my hand on the latch of the screen door, to inform me that her next door neighbors had a snake that fell off the upper door ledge as their cleaning lady opened their back door on her way out just the week before. I could have killed my friend for telling me that story at that very moment. She knew EXACTLY what she was doing. I told you, she’s evil.

There have been times that I’ve been surprised by snake in the grass and felt as though I jumped 10 feet into the air and remained magically suspended, while my arms and legs started moving in a running motion before my feet even hit the ground and I was able to move forward---just like on cartoons. Not only that, but once my feet actually hit the ground and began to propel me forward, I would run into the house, terrified, slam the door, engage ALL the locks, and then run to the furthest possible corner of the house to clasp my heart and recover from the shock

I know, I know---the door locks! As if the snake is going to slither up and ~~BAM, BAM, BAM, BAM, BAM~~ on the door and yell, “OPEN UP LADY! I KNOW YOU’RE IN THERE!!!” Nonetheless, I’ve been known to do it. And I don’t care what anybody thinks. Intellectually I know a garter snake isn’t going to hurt me, but before I can intellectualize the situation, my fear factor kicks in.

Back to my evil friend. So as we were sitting around the patio table, complete with a patio umbrella, I noticed an itsy-bitsy teeny-weeny little spider, no bigger than a ladybug, slide down from the patio umbrella on a little thread of silk. I casually said, “Oh, look! There’s a teeny little spider.” Well, to my surprise, guess who ran like hell? You got it! My evil friend! While shocked---I had no idea a little bitty spider would scare her–I laughed like hell. Then I said, “Okay, it’s gone” and she sat back down. A few minutes later I said, “Oops! There he is again!” Guess who was up and running once more? Then I took the little thread of silk from which the little spider dangled and pretended I was going to chase her. Guess who was screaming like a girl then? Uh-huh, my evil friend.

She was laughing but at the same time trying to give me that shocked, “How could you???” look. Pfft! I laughed right back and said, “Oh, don’t even---don’t even try to give me that “How could you?” look, Little Miss “A Snake Dropped Off the Neighbors Back Door Ledge” woman! Touché!

Ugh! My skin has been crawling the entire time I wrote this story! Ewww!

JuicyBBW1001 55F

6/23/2006 4:55 am

hmm I wonder do one eyed trouser snakes have the same effect on ya sis? Cuz might be impossible to achieve the big oooo suspended in mid air.


cactusass 56F

6/23/2006 5:35 am

i love to tease and torture friends, family, little children...whoooohahahahahahah! (evil laughter)

phoenix639 50F

6/23/2006 8:26 am

That reminds me of when i was visiting friends in Sumter SC many years ago. They had small lizard running all over the show & were used to them.....i wasnt.

Lazing in the garden one afternoon in my bikini just in my own world i heard them chattering & laughing. I ignored them & carried on enjoying the sun on my body....then an almight wallop as somthing landed on my near naked breast. I looked down to see a small lizard gripping like a newborn baby.....i grabbed the poor thing as i screamed & its damn tail came off in my hand. The lizard scuttled away leaving me with the reminants of its body wriggling in my hand.


themisskrissy 57F
2302 posts
6/23/2006 10:04 am

first the cherries and now snakes...when was the last time you got laid girl?????

snakes will startle me, but i am not afraid of them... i would worry more about "the snake in the grass - online/dating variety!!"

we all have our fears and phobies... i will let you know mine when i discover it..


Virtue Alone Ennobles

MissAnnThrope 57F
11488 posts
6/23/2006 11:52 am

I like snakes. But spiders... I would have had the same reaction. I can't even get close enough to a spider to kill it and I've had times where I cannot let myself go to sleep, because I saw a spider on the ceiling and I'm afraid it's going to lower itself onto me as I sleep.

While I've always been petrified of spiders, as an adult, I have even more reason. They like my blood more than mosquitos. A few years ago I woke up with a terrible rash on my abodmen. I went to the doctor. Seems a mommy spider carried her spiderlings to me to feed overnight. ARGH! Spider bites are painful and itchy at the same time. While that was the worst I've ever been bitten, if one gets on me, it will bite me.

SolarPowered0 111M
8023 posts
6/23/2006 1:59 pm

I used to live on an apple farm with a friend of mine. His family owned the place and we stayed there for a couple years. During the summer months, the rattlesnakes would crawl up on the patio slab to warm themselves in the mornings. We had to shoot our way out of the house to get to the orchards.

I don't like snakes... any snakes. However, they ain't bad for eatin'. And they DON'T taste like chicken!!! They taste like alligator lizards.

Solar... (out of the clear blue of the Western Sky)

flagg134 37M
1582 posts
6/24/2006 2:33 pm

Snakes and spiders don't bother me a bit and I have to agree with DBG I love to torture those with their fear because it truly doesn't make sense. I have a fear of rats that is justified at least here they carry diseases are bigger than my cat and will bite humans if they have contracted rabies.

I used to scare my mother when I was 15 I worked in a pet shop I would bring lizards or mice back to the house and plant them where I knew she would look she'd throw a fit. Run around in circles and jump on top of a chair while simultaneously grabbing a broom. Yelling at me to get that damn thing out of the house.


flagg134 37M
1582 posts
6/25/2006 9:50 am

I don't fear the lab or pet store variety. Its the ones living in the sewer that I detest nasty looking and scary little f*ckers. I used to handle rats all the time even felt bad selling them to the snake owners. They can be cute and one of the few pets you can take with you to places. I agree with your friend on pets though it does hurt to lose them I imagine I will be distraught when my cat passes.


LadytoPleaseYou 65F
5447 posts
6/29/2006 12:17 pm

We all have our demons....ROFLMAF
I would fit right in with you two 'evil women'....I love to tease others with their fears. Hell, it's always good to face your fears.
But...not me. Spiders and roaches here.

PENIS CHARMING....where are you?

wifey3223 49F
126 posts
7/22/2006 8:02 am

I DON'T LIKE SNAKES OR SPIDERS EITHER. I SAW one larger then hell on my back porch, when i moved in my house they were allot in here. it had been empty a few months, i invested in major spray, i saw be hives. know my dad used to have a house in iron mountain , he used gardner snakes to get rid of mice. did you know that? when he first got his cabin, house what ever never wen t not big on boondocks aunt from Tennessee was there,a mouse hoped right on her. thats why? i never went , i I'd have to go & thats too long of a drive which is why? he sold it.but gardner snakes can get bigger then you thin, depends on what they eat. but there's also allot of animals scared of that small Snake,.i hear my dads house had big ones, he used it around his house to rid the mice.surprised?

steamyandsexybi 45F
2784 posts
7/27/2006 8:44 am

    Quoting themisskrissy:
    first the cherries and now snakes...when was the last time you got laid girl?????

    snakes will startle me, but i am not afraid of them... i would worry more about "the snake in the grass - online/dating variety!!"

    we all have our fears and phobies... i will let you know mine when i discover it..

Just because she's got CLASS, doesnt mean she aint gettin' no ASS! lol

Become a member to create a blog