which came first the chicken or the egg?  

Secrets733 44F
224 posts
7/25/2006 1:57 pm

Last Read:
7/30/2006 9:16 am

which came first the chicken or the egg?

I ask this because the reason why I am on this site is much like the question. Which came first the chicken or the egg?

Which came first...Me not trusting my husband or him acting suspiciously?...I didn't trust my husband and thought that maybe he had a profile on this site. So I set out to find him but I didn't. Instead I just started talking to people. I then began trying to find a person that I could tell all of my secrets and worries to anonymously to vent and get advice. But what if I actually know this person in my real life and all of my secrets are disclosed? I suppose that would be bad karma that I would deserve because I can't trust the man that I love and I am also being dishonest myself by keeping this blog a secret and talking to people in secretively. The trust problems deepen and it can become a vicious circle.

I don't trust people. Even the man I love the most. If trustworthy people were wearing big signs that said "you can trust me" I would still be guarded.

Maybe this is the real reason I have a hard time finding friends. And loving my husband. yet I feel so liberated by being here. It is ironic....Is that the word I am looking for here?

rm_qb53 60M
1 post
7/26/2006 8:02 am

We all have little insecurities...its called being human..we also, love to be admired, adored, complimented, romanced, made to feel special, and so on...some of that gets lost...in our relationships, and the freshness and newness, of something that is a little risk...dont beat yourself up about...just being alive, and human...just be very careful..and selective!

JudeL5 47M  
1595 posts
7/26/2006 11:57 pm

the people wearing a "trust me" sign are the ones I would worry about the most... LOL

and as for being secretive about being on AdultFriendFinder... if you feel you need a safe place to air your feelings and work through them, I would think that's fine... I don't believe that a "joined at the hips and brain symbiotic" relationship is healthy. You are an individual... maybe once you have work through your thoughts, you might feel comfortable sharing the result with hubby... and I think that s being honest.

...but don't feel like you need to share every inch of the journey.

You might (probably already are) want to dig deeper into "trust" and reasons (probably very valid) why you feel the way you do... and possibly take small steps to move in the direction you want to go...


rm_KnowStuff 57M
240 posts
7/29/2006 1:01 am

Girl you're fine (trust me?)... or ... if not, your the perfect kind of crazy for my world. You are very introspective, cautious, and nervous which gives me hope. If you in fact turned out to be someone I knew outside here your secret would be safe with me.

Sad though to know that if I were your "him" you would be out here looking for me to what? catch me? How well does the jumping out and yelling "AHA!!" work in here?

I am a loyal and trustworthy Leo with no jealous streak (no gene for it I guess) who could possibly make you crazy by not reacting much if the tables were turned. Do women need to see the jealous rage in their man's eyes to feel validated?

I suspect you are entirely trustworthy and there would be no cause for me to check up on your every move and worry about where you were and what you were doing every minute. I wouldn't ever want you to mistake tho my non-jealosy nature as uncaring. If I were him that is.

What raised your suspicions in the first place? Did I stay late at work? Talk to a pretty girl you didn't know? Hug someone just a little longer than you liked? If I were him that is.

You know I can read the prior post about you at the lake... your bikini (imagining mmmm)... guys taking pics of you with their cellphones... wow you are stunning! Yeah I'd wanna go swimming with you -- only lose the paparazzi -- secluded beach, focused on pampering you, selfishly desiring what I know is beyond the bikini, and making a new memory for us each of us to forever treasure. If I were him that is.

I think you should choose to make passion -- your passion -- with a trusting eye, an open heart, gently and intimately. It's not the sex in here that appeals to you ... you want to make love which requires so many more organs, the spirit and soul and the psyche'. You crave intimacy, you have boatloads of attraction in brains, pleasant demeanor, gentleness, sensitivity, and caring. These things go so way beyond the bikini and I would be so honored. If I were him that is.

To be that close and "into" someone... the embraces, the kisses, the burning desires and sheer joy of experiencing that level of relationship -- I'd be right in declaring myself complete and happy and among the most fortunate souls of all time. If I were him that is.

Again I say it (you never know I might know him or be him) -- he would be a fool not to notice all these wonderful things I see in your words which I trust are the real you. He's a bigger fool to not notice how wonderful you are and take action to preserve the wonderful relationship you should have and deserve together.

So I guess I'm not him cuz I'm not going to make those mistakes again nor am I making them now. Please consider me for your dance card should the day come when he ain't your "him" anymore. You don't need to wear a sign if you can trust yourself enough to find those same honest qualities in others that exist within you.

People are all different but the the quality shows if you look for it. I know you have the right qualities and knew that long before any mention of a bikini. You are blessed for having such great qualities as am I for having the opportunity to witness them out here.

JudeL5 47M  
1595 posts
7/30/2006 12:45 am

Ohhhhh, if you really think your man is up to something, looking at browser history logs and cookies will tell you a whole lot more than randomly picking an adult site and hoping to find him.

But I'm glad you seem to have found something here that you weren't expecting... I certainly have.

Secrets733 44F

7/30/2006 9:16 am

I haven't checked in a couple of days. Thank you everyone for such nice posts. Sometimes I start to think that the world is such a violent place. But after reading some of your posts I am reminded that there is also some kindness to be found in the world.

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