Ho Hum....  

Secrets733 44F
224 posts
2/21/2006 6:59 am

Last Read:
3/23/2006 2:06 pm

Ho Hum....

Marraige can be so boring sometimes. Sitting around watching t.v.. Work, dinner, sleep, always staring at the same face...but for a short while in the morning sometimes I write. I look forward to that.

Back to the boring marraige....I know you are all saying to yourselves "Doesn't she try to make her man happy?". And the answer is "Yes, I do". But I would say about 65% of the time when I try to do something to please him it is met with harsh critisizm and I can't explain why he would to that to me except that maybe he isn't aware of it. When I try to talk to him about it he just denies doing it and gets angry.

For instance, I made these great curtains for my home. I was really proud to accomplish something so domestic. When I asked him what he thought of my crafty work he just critisized and said "Why aren't these ones as bunchy as the other ones, I think you didn't cut them right". Well...I think the curtains were great I wouldn't hang crappy curtains in my home anyway! Why couldn't he atleast spare my feelings and lie? Do I want him to lie to me? Well, sometimes would be nice. When I am met with his harsh critisizm it makes me want to withdraw from him and not want to try anymore.

Another example would be, One time I bought him a t-shirt and it was the wrong size. He lectured me all the way to the store. Asking me to please not buy him anything because I wouldn't get it right and it was more work for him to return it.

It just makes me not want to try to please him anymore. I just want to ignore him and go about my business as if he weren't there.

rm_1SweetBitch 56F
8575 posts
2/21/2006 8:06 am

I hate to say this but, life is very short...your happiness should be very important to you. If this man {your husband} does not make you happy you need to move on. I know this is easier said than done. I have been there and the best thing I ever did in my life was move on. Good luck...I hope he wakes up before it is to late for him.

No Day Is So Bad It Can't Be Fixed With Great Sex!

1 SweetBitch

rm_goddess1946 107F
13518 posts
2/21/2006 8:32 am

Relationships are work...
with or without the *contract*
...doesn't matter who it is...
you have to show up and put energy
into what you want to grow.
or it dies.
simple as that.
............trust me on that one

Just a little food for thought.............
If you really want to be happy, nobody can stop you...

rm_maledinnj 69M
6 posts
2/21/2006 9:03 am

Hi......I am Bill..... I am in the same situation but have the same problems with my wife. She is so conservative that when I try to please her she pushes me away. If it is not so conventional, its dirty.... I dont think so.... what can I do to make her more exciting? For as time goes on.... she is getting so boring..

Secrets733 44F

2/22/2006 6:50 am

Goddess, I completely agree with you. I've been feeling lately like I just don't have the energy to try anymore and yes, when that happens it definately shows...

Guy1378Fox 47M

2/22/2006 9:06 am

Sounds a lot like the way my ex started treating me about six months befor she broke up with me. I dont know of anything I can say to help.

rm_KnowStuff 57M
240 posts
2/23/2006 12:18 am

He's invalidating you, to make you small and more controllable. True love occurs when another validates you.

It is not a lack of love,
But a lack of friendship
That makes unhappy marriages -- Friedrich Nietzsche

Goddess is right -- it takes a great deal of effort and that's seldom a 50/50 proposition. Looks like the guys have familiarity with this and
my marriage is ending over it. Indifference is rough.

Love cannot endure indifference. It needs to be wanted. Like a lamp, it needs to be fed out of the oil of another's heart, or its flame burns low.
~ by Henry Ward Beecher ~

Even 1SweetBitch above fortells the shortness of life and his need to wake up.

The most precious possession that ever comes to a man in this world is a woman's heart.
~ by Josiah G. Holland ~

I'm in no position to advise hun but understand the feeling and, with empathy, can relate.

JudeL5 47M  
1596 posts
2/24/2006 9:30 pm

You probably haven't admited it to yourself yet, but your marriage is over... and I have found that it takes time to make that journey, and start to look beyond...

I'm sure your curtains were great!

I'm curious, how do/did his parents respond to his successes and achievements? positive or finding fault?

JudeL5 47M  
1596 posts
2/24/2006 10:24 pm

I don't know whose blogs you follow, but [tillerbabe] had one you might want to read... [post 245440] (On Choosing Happiness)

gussax 52M

2/26/2006 5:53 pm

I think you sound like a great person. However, not every one needs you to do stuff for them. If someone doesn't need or want you help in certain areas then don't help. You just need to figure out what he wants from you and what he doesn't want from you. At it needs to be communicated ahead of time. If you are going to buy clothes for him, talk to him ahead of time. Let him know what you are going to do and why you want to do it. Your husband seems to be very independent. Allow him to be independent. If he wants you to help, great, but it needs to be done with communication before you try and help. If you communicate ahead of time, say I want to buy you a shirt, what would you like. I am similar to your husband in the aspect of being independent. I don't usually like anyones help, but I am at least polite enough not to criticize.

rm_gill186 73M
1 post
3/15/2006 8:46 pm

Your husband is being a controlling jerk. He doesn't know what he's going to lose soon. If he's a good father you should keep him until the kids are grown then kick him to the curb. If he's not even that. dump him now.


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