Reversed Boundaires  

SecretKeeperr 49F
61 posts
4/22/2005 8:12 am

Last Read:
8/24/2007 1:14 am

Reversed Boundaires

I recently read in a blog that sexual interactions once were strictly confined to marriage and that now days, everybody outside of marriage is interacting sexually. Taking this a step further, it seems to me,from all that I have read of personal accounts, that sexual interactions within marriage has become the new taboo..

What are your thoughts?

Why are so many so unhappy with a consistently available, committed, regular partner?

What is it about being "married" that destroys the passion between two people that have committed to a life of purpose and future together?

Would it be better for married couples to not share the same bedroom, or better, the same house in order to keep the romance, mystery, longing desires ignited for one another alive and monogamous?

How many feel this way.. "If only I could have two or three husbands, or wives, then I'd have the perfect life."

Please share your thoughts....

__Huntress__ 56M/59F

5/24/2005 7:39 am

Seems we now live in a society of indulgence and instant gratification ... having been involved in a relatively sexless marriage for twenty years ... I now have no qualms as a single woman going after what I want ... seeking satisfaction when I want it ... do I see myself in a "committed" relationship again ... ? What a scary thought !

SecretKeeperr 49F
56 posts
5/27/2005 7:00 pm

High fiving... and.. enjoying.. nice ass.

LoyaltyandHonor 36M/32F
1241 posts
5/27/2005 7:26 pm

It is a lack of passion that floods society... look at tantric sex. It totally speaks for it self! It is as passionate as passionate can get and is several thousand years old. No person in today's world can create anything like those tantric arts created so long ago.

LimesMastsAvoid 71M
456 posts
5/30/2005 8:51 am

I owe my galpal a separate vacation...and the same to the marrieds, when you are apart, you want to be together....

__Huntress__ 56M/59F

6/3/2005 7:14 pm

Thank you SecretKeeperr ... and keep intriguing us with your thoughts !

__Huntress__ 56M/59F

6/23/2005 2:11 pm

It's mid-June ... oh please don't tell me you've stopped blogging !!!!

SecretKeeperr 49F
56 posts
12/3/2005 2:51 am

Huntress.. ::smiles::

I have been out of touch. It has been a long season of obligations. I am moved by your plea.. Seriously, moved. Thank you.

rm_lickmepretty 52F
851 posts
12/3/2005 6:16 am

Hey, I hope you start your blog back up, I like your style as well as your passion toward writing that I saw in a post on a newbie's blog.

(at the very least I hope you pop by my group and check it out)

Hi, welcome to blog!

Are you aware there is a new group created for bloggers and their readership to meet and frolic in the chat room? (A place for serious discussion as well)

A group where interesting blog posts will be “spot-lighted” along with the links of how to get there. A place where new kids on the block can actually get seen as well as the predominant “hierarchy”.

A place where ideas can flow--from suggested blog topics, to writing "critiques", to directions on how to better use the elements of color, photos, and font style/size to make your blog more eye appealing; as well as instructions on how to better use linking to other posts.

A place where writers (non-bloggers as well) who are interested in “creative” writing to post some of their works; as well as joining in on some of our “creative writing games” as well.

Being that this is an adult site, we will also have a group post running where writers and their followers can indicate where they're from so maybe you might actually be able to meet some folk "local" to you.

Flirtatious banter is encouraged--crude obscene assaults will not be tolerated and are subject to deletion.

So...Stop in and have a little fun over your cup o' joe!

Here is a link to the group Blog Cafe, look forward to meeting you there!

smartnfun1961 56M
30 posts
12/4/2005 10:21 pm

That's a humorous way to characterize the traditional notion that people have sex inside of marriage. I think there are many reasons why people find themselves unsatisfied with a committed, regular, (marriage) partner, and the variations have to do with the permutations you get with (1) many different kinds of people (2) joined together in marriage and so creating many different kinds of relationships. The fact that we call all these relationships "marriage" and think of them as the same distracts us from the fact that there are wildly different issues at play in most every one.

That being said, I'll just comment on the words of your own question. "consistently available." Ha. My own experience is that my married partner was anything but consistently available. I suspect such is the case for many other people, so a mismatch between two people in terms of frequency expectations is going to create huge problems at some point. "committed." Hmmm. What exactly does this mean? Usually people mean by it: "I'll only have sex with you and no one else." Which isn't to say that they'll have sex you you very often, just no one else in the mean time. See my comment for "consistently available." "regular." Familiarity does seem to breed boredom in the bedroom, doesn't it? Which leads your next question.

What is it about marriage that destroys the passion between two people? I have a theory on this, but before getting to it, I'd like to say that life itself constitutes a sort of conspiracy against two people maintaining a passionate relationship over time. How so? Oh, things like kids and jobs and illness and tragedy and all kinds of things create circumstances that make it much more difficult to keep the passion going. But, nevertheless, let's imagine the virtually perfect scenario where our imaginary couple doesn't have to worry with such things.

I think the key to a sustained passionate relationship is having a larger context for the physical relationship and its passion. What I mean by this is the mental world that two people can create and share between them: the human mind is a machine with infinite possibilities of thought. In so far as two people are creative in their thoughts, this forms a larger context for their physical relationship. You get two people whose minds are creative and "on the same wavelength," the sexual passion that they can generate together is amazing. And, I believe, sustainable. But, of course, that's just a belief I have; regrettably I haven't demonstrated it yet in my own life.

SecretKeeperr 49F
56 posts
12/7/2005 11:29 pm

But, nevertheless, let's imagine the virtually perfect scenario where our imaginary couple doesn't have to worry with such things.

Magical thinking is limited in it's ability to climb high enough to reach and behold the beauty of the summit. To achieve such.. takes, extaordinary effort, discipline, training, education, sacrifice, understanding and trust. There are reasons only few achieve the ultimate of glorious arrival.

redmustang91 58M  
8917 posts
12/13/2005 2:31 pm

I think it is human nature to crave variety. We do in food, dress, entertainment, cars, video games, vacations, etc. why is it so surprising we crave variety in sex? Biologically there is a benefit to mixing the chromosomes...

smartnfun1961 56M
30 posts
12/13/2005 9:34 pm

"To achieve such takes. . .extaordinary effort, discipline, training, education, sacrifice, understanding and trust."

Have you ever known anyone who conceived their relationship - whether married or not - in these sorts of terms? I don't think I have. Or, perhaps I should say, not as I would conceive their meaning.

Oh, sure, many people talk about commitment, etc. But that usually just boils down to a bunch of negatives (don't have sex with anyone else) or utterly mundane things that can truly kill the soul ("why haven't you moved the grass?").

But to see oneself as an active participant in the physical and mental life of another, so utterly involved and joined, so committed to the growth of her soul, to giving her (as your lover) pleasure, that I can conceive. That is worth believing in. That is worth fighting for.

That is what I want.

Who conceives of a relationship as

SecretKeeperr 49F
56 posts
12/13/2005 10:20 pm

I agree with you there..

Anyone who would actually ask and expect you to (move) the grass, is definately trying kill something, if not your soul. ::giggling::

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