When Monogamy Turns To Celibacy  

Scott_in_Tulsa 46M
1611 posts
8/3/2006 9:47 am

Last Read:
8/21/2006 3:55 pm

When Monogamy Turns To Celibacy


I'm currently involved with a woman i met on this site , who i shall call J.

J is a wonderful woman, cute, smart, sexy, and loves to fuck. She lacks most of the deal-breaker qualities that make me avoid a lot of other women She's not trying to dig into my wallet, she's not trying to run my life, or force me into being someone I'm not. She understands my career is important to me.

However like most relationships, this one has it’s own set of issues.
J is strictly monogamous. She is totally against the idea of sharing, or of having an open relationship, or swinging. I however have a strong desire to nail any woman who’ll let me and agrees not to press charges.

For her comfort I have agreed not to see anyone else while she and I are dating, and if I do manage to fall into bed with another woman, to tell her about it. This is only fair.

In discussing the matter with her, I’ve come to understand that most of her relationships have ended because of the guy’s infidelity. So it’s a sore spot with her. I also understand why. She likes the bad-boys. Bad-boys aren’t generally known for their fidelity. That’s an issue she needs to work out for herself.

Which leads me to my problem; her job has her traveling out of town quite a bit.
So for days on end, she’s not available to me sexually.
Therefore my monogamy is turned into celibacy. I’m not really happy about that.
I figure it’s a lot easier to be faithful when she’s there to satisfy my wants and desires all the time.

I haven’t decided this is reason to end the relationship. But it is an issue I will have to come to a decision on in the very near future. On one hand, I do like the idea of having a steady girlfriend, and J is a good catch. On the other hand, I miss the freedom to go and sleep with whoever I can whenever the urge arises.

Oh well, rarely can a man have his cake and eat it too. Such is life !

"We are all worms, but i like to think of myself as a glow-worm" - Winston Churchill


Scott_in_Tulsa 46M
1328 posts
8/21/2006 3:55 pm

At J's request , i have removed her comment from this blog entry, but i am leaving the text she posted:

It all boils down to what you want and what you are happy with and what you want out of life, if you and J have different goals for relationships then you need to be honest with her and tell her. As curvymeli said "What do you want more?" If what you want and what J wants are different, then you need to tell her straight up. I am sure that she would respect that and understand if she is as great a person as you think. There are plenty of fish in the sea if you cannot handle the monogamy. If as you say you have a "king crab lobster meal" do you really want to throw it back for a bunch of sardines?

"We are all worms, but i like to think of myself as a glow-worm" - Winston Churchill


wildokiewoman 45F
30 posts
8/9/2006 11:40 pm

Perhaps most people (women especially) need to learn to be as honest with themselves and others, as you seem to be. Some people can handle the monogomous and some can't. Perhaps you just need to decide what is best for you and then decide what you want or have to do to make that happen. In the end, we all have to do what is best for us. Sometimes that means hurting someone else, but it is easier to hurt them early than to wait. GOOD LUCK!!!!!


curvymeli 40F

8/7/2006 12:10 am

I'm with Amber.

I guess you just have to decide what you want more. J, or meaningless sex. Your decision doesn't have to be for forever, either. You and J might not work out, but what's the harm in spending what time you can to live and learn from one another? The problem with most people is that they always want a commitment to last too long. Just don't get caught up in that thought and maybe it will help your decision.

Good luck.


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