Oh no! She didn't go there! Part 1  

Scott_in_Tulsa 46M
1611 posts
8/21/2006 12:09 pm

Last Read:
8/21/2006 3:42 pm

Oh no! She didn't go there! Part 1

The breakup with J is turning ugly.

She has taken to posting in the advice columns.
This morning when i woke up i found the following:

[group_post 1053131]

I was seeing a guy that I met on here for a little over a month.
I told him that I wanted monogamy before we had sex. I told him about previous relationships and the last one that I was in that I got hurt really bad. (The guy would tell me that he could not see me as he was ______, then I found out that he was going into chat rooms and meeting new women.
These meetings were innocent for a while, then turned to one night stands etc. while he was seeing me.)

This new guy said that he was willing to be monogamist because
the sex was great with us.

when i spent the night with him, he would get up in the middle of the night, no morning sex as he would jump out of bed to go get on the computer. I didnt say anything as when he would come back to bed, he would cuddle me. I love body contact. We would cuddle watching TV or in bed,
i would turn my back so that he could spoon me.

All last week, he started ignoring my conversations. Granted he was at work, but when he had the chance, he did not respond
to questions, statements etc. Nothing. No big deal i thought at the time as afterall, he was at work. But he did it at home too. Then Friday night my kids and i spent the night as we
were all leaving town early in the morning. He chose to stay up as we both have a 15 yr old, male and female that have seemed to gravitate towards each other. I was sleeping in the living
room to keep an eye on daughter, his son was sleeping. I woke at 5am and he was on puter chatting with one of his numerous female friends. (my feeling is that he had female friends
before me, i was a bit upset but got over it) He had chatted for around 4 hours with her. He was very grumpy the next day from no sleep. Would pull away when i tried to hold his hand
etc. Then after spending 24 hours being mentally turned on and very horny, we get back and he sends me home. (We have not had sex for a week)I got up this morning, had errands
to run in town and he says yes, he would like for me to come over when i am done. I show up, he is sleeping at noon after going to bed at 11pm the night before. (??) I lay down beside him, he smiles, tells me i look very nice and goes back to
sleep. he phases in and out of sleep for about 15 minutes but shows no signs of happy to see me. Does not even touch me. I tell him that i am going home since he is going to sleep he says ok no kiss no nothing. I tell him that I am upset and
mad because of this. He tells me that it matters not to him if i am there or if i am not. its over and done.

Since that time, i have found out that the woman he was talking to, he initiated the contact, he chatted with her for 12 hours straight on first conversation. After that is when he started ignoring me, we have not had sex since he started
chatting with her (He gave me oral but not his cock.) THis woman lives 1500 miles away from him, but she gets more conversation and attention then he is giving me.

Was I wrong to be upset? Or did I over react??


My first response was to post a scathing reply in my own defense. But instead i posted this:

I'm not going to pass judgement on this guy as it's often been my experience in these he said- she said situations that both sides have their version of the story and the truth is usually somewhere in the middle.

here's my advice

it's obvious that it's over, move on


At the time i figured she needed to vent and i could take a little bashing.

However a few minutes after i got to work, she showed up in a highly emotional state screaming about me emotionally cheating with the woman i chatted with.

I had to ask her several times to leave as this was not the time or place to be handling this matter. The crew was arriving and as the boss, i don't need this sort of thing airing in my workplace.

I then noticed she posted this to the advice lines :

[group_post 1053527]

Thanks for all your great advise on 'Did I over-react???? Please advise...' For those of you that commented,yes these are the facts. The woman that he was emotionally cheating with has posted to his blog about our breakup and now it has become more than ever clear to me that he was telling
her the issues he was having but forgetting to tell me so that we could try to fix them and apparently from her response, he and I were looking for different things in a relationship.
What that difference is I have no idea because he did not tell me this either.)

Now my search is on to find another. If you have any advice in changes for my new profile from the old one, please let me know.


So here's my side of the story.

I met her on AdultFriendFinder and chatted with her for over a month. The conversations were always hit and miss. She and i both have hectic professional lives and family needs to attend to.

She came by my work one day to meet me, we hit it off quite well and ended up having some fantastic-mind blowing sex. She expressed that one of her big issues was monogamy as most of her boyfriends ended up cheating on her. I told her, that i really didn't want to be tied down at this point in my life, but i am willing to be monogamous to her.

The relationship progressed and we got to know each other better. I discovered she had some qualities that did not sit well with me. She's a very touchy and clingy person, whereas i really don't like being touched. This too i tolerated to make her happy.

She also has major jealousy issues, considering her past, this is to be expected. I found myself constantly having to defend myself and reassure her that she doesn't have anything to worry about. This grated on my nerves.

She has a strong need for constant attention, whereas i am the type of guy who requires alone and me-time. My job is very stressful and i like to unwind a bit before having to deal with my personal life. I usually do this by chatting or posting on AdultFriendFinder or playing a online game called Realm.

Taking these issues into account, the relationship was doomed from the start, but i tried to stick it out the best i could.

This weekend's trip to Dallas was the straw that broke the camels back.

I come home from work Friday, after having missed my son's football game because i couldn't get out of work early. I'm home 15 minutes and her and her kids are all expressing a desire for dinner.

So we went to a local bar-b-q buffet place that i like. Her 15 year old daughter takes 2 bites of the food and declares she's not hungry. Her and my son spend the rest of the evening badgering and insulting me. I can take a little ribbing, but i have no desire to deal with it constantly.
As the meal progresses, i get up to get myself a second helping. I come back and find that someone stuffed a buttered roll in my soft drink. Just lovely. Her and my son are constantly playing off each other. I try numerous times to rein my son in which has a very temporary effect as he has J's daughter egging him on. So it comes time to leave and i get the bill. I'm a little upset about dropping what amounts to half a days paycheck on a meal i thoroughly didn't enjoy.

We get back to the house, and j and i discuss sleeping arrangements and how to make sure the two 15 year olds don't end up having sex.

I point out that if J and i share the same bed the kids will justify themselves with "mom and dad are in there screwing, why shouldn't we"

So the arrangements are made. J and daughter will take my bed. My son will sleep in his own bed and J's son and myself will sleep in the living room.

J's daughter declares "i'm not going to sleep".
J decides to head to bed. I still lay on the couch because i'm not about to leaves the teenagers unsupervised.

I lay there for an hour or so watching TV, i then get up and go play on the computer, which gives me a clear line of sight on my son's bedroom.

"We are all worms, but i like to think of myself as a glow-worm" - Winston Churchill

Scott_in_Tulsa 46M
1328 posts
8/21/2006 3:41 pm

At J's request i deleted her post, but I'm keeping the text here:


"We are all worms, but i like to think of myself as a glow-worm" - Winston Churchill

Become a member to create a blog