Baby Momma Drama  

Scott_in_Tulsa 46M
1611 posts
7/18/2006 5:36 pm

Last Read:
10/2/2006 9:37 am

Baby Momma Drama

Out of the blue today I got a call from my son's mother, M. (See Bog entry 5/12/06 "The evil that women do”

Let me give you some background here.

I have custody of my 15 year old son S-jr, I’ve had custody of him for the past 10 years. M and I were together when he was born and we stayed together till he was about 6 months old. Shortly after she and I parted company, I lost track of her for a while. When I finally found her again, she was living in squalor with a bunch of drug addicts and was neglecting and abusing my son. I turned her in to DHS. This started a long 3 way battle between her and her family, DHS and me. Due to my age, attitude, appearance and all the slander against me by M's family, DHS didn't want to give me custody of him. But M wasn't doing what she needed to do to get custody of him either. Eventually after 3 long years of fighting, I got him and he's been with me ever since.

She went on with her life and married a worthless abusive alcoholic and had 3 more kids, all daughters. We never heard much out of her except for the occasional call or visit on Christmas, his birthday , or when the spirit moved her.

A couple of years ago I ran into a rough spot in my life, she caught wind of it and attempted to get custody of him. She failed, but won visitation rights which she barely used.

After one of his infrequent visits, M called me and told me one of S Jr's sisters accused him of molesting her. That DHS was investigating the matter and I should be made aware of it.

I immediately got the boy into counseling. I still don't know if the accusation was true or not. I tend to disbelieve it, but since it was made, it had to be acted on. There’s also the issue of S Jr's mental health here. Either he did it and needs help not to do it again, or he's been falsely accused of a heinous act by his own mother. Either way, that’s a lot of head-fuck for a young teenager. This was about a year and a half ago.

We did 6 months of counseling. At the end of that the counselor told me "I don't think he did it either, and to be honest I really resent the stress his mother put him through". So we went on with our lives.

Back to the present; while talking with M on the phone, she explained that she has divorced the alcoholic asshole, and wants to patch things up with our son. She also flirted a bit with me. She ended the conversation by inviting us out for her daughter’s 5th birthday party at the end of the month.

So I called S Jr and relayed her invitation. His attitude was pretty much "she can go to hell, I have no mother".

I was kind of taken aback by this attitude, but can understand it completely, having had a poor excuse for a mother myself. But that's a blog for another day.

I'm trying to decide how I should handle this situation. Should I allow her to come over and visit ? Should I push him to reconcile with her ?

I'm tempted to advise him of how I handled my mother. Which basically was to show her the respect she earned for giving birth to me, but to keep her at arms length so she cannot screw up my life.

I'm in the position to block her from forcing anything onto him. But should I encourage him to open himself up to her ?

I don't want to be the one to keep him from his mother, but as his father I’m obligated to protect him as well. On the other hand, I also believe that protecting him too much is a disservice. I firmly believe that adversity makes one stronger. I wouldn't be the man I am today had life not dealt me some of the crappy cards it has. As a father I believe it's my job to make sure he's as much a man as I can make him into before he goes out into the cold cruel world to do battle with the trials of daily life. So therefore I need to step back and let him take his lumps.

And I used to think changing diapers was a pain in the ass !!

Anyway , feel free to post your comments and let me know what you think about this.

"We are all worms, but i like to think of myself as a glow-worm" - Winston Churchill

karaokeok79 38F
5 posts
10/2/2006 9:32 am

My mother left me at the age of 15, she told my father brother and me that she didn't owe us a fucking thing. This was stange as I'd never heard her say anything other than fiddle-faddle. For the next 3 years she used me to hurt my dad and extract child support from him. She set me up with a 36 year old man she met in a bar and brought him home to me. 3 months later I came home from work to find them fucking. Mind you I was 16 and he was 36. No big deal I didn't care too much for him anyway. 2 weeks later he splits state with her paycheck my paycheck all of our belongings and our car. After being evicted from our home because we could not pay the rent, the cops call from a little town in IL saying he had been apprehended and our car was in inpound. We borrow money to catch the bus and go to get the car. Then we find out what jail hes in just to tell him off. She bonds his sorry ass out of jail!!! Well we go home then he beats the crap out of me. I did hit him in the mouth and break his dentures but it was self defense. Any way to make this long story short I hated her. I loathed her and wanted nothing to do with her. 3 months ago I called her and we cried and appologized. She is doing well in TX and I hope to visit her soon. It took 10 years but I had to let go of the hate in my heart it was eating me alive. It was actully making me a darker person and I couldn't deal with that.
When the time is right and it can only be right with Stephen he will make his own decisions on it. To Err Is Human, To Forgive Divine. Goddess L


7/18/2006 6:26 pm

Well darlin', this is definitely a difficult situation. In my opinion, I would let your son make the decision. If he doesn't want to be involved with her, I wouldn't force him. She's already shown herself to be unfit as a mother. I can almost guarantee that when she gets involved with another man, she will once again lose interest. As your son gets older, he'll probably have a lot of questions for her and will seek her out then. Until then, I would let him have comfort in not having to deal with her until he is ready. I wish you both the best of luck darlin'.

sexymamma662003 32F

7/18/2006 6:26 pm

since he is 15 i would let him decide on what he wanted to do. if he feels that he doesnt want a relationship with her. recpect that and move on. there may come a time in his life when he does want her around.

i can understand his feelings. i was 13 when i moved out of my parents house. i hated them forever but things are good now.

i think that your sons mother, does need to try a bit more starting with phone calls and and letters. im sorry but she cant just excpect him to forgive her and run to her with open arms.
she is going to have to work very hard to get her son to trust her again,

i hope everything works out for your son.


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