shallow?  

SaucyTart_36 49F
128 posts
1/15/2006 2:11 pm

Last Read:
3/5/2006 9:27 pm

shallow?


Strange, when I would show myself masturbating on cam so many men watching me commented on how hot I was and how much they would love to have sex with a woman that has as beautiful of a pussy as I apparently do (never thought of it as pretty).

Then when they see a picture of me, and I am pretty yet overweight, they change their minds. I am still the woman that posseses that pretty pussy. I am still the woman that moans the way that I do. I am still the woman that enjoys pleasing and teasing a man.

And yet I am also shallow. I do not meet a man until I have seen his face. If he is not that good looking I don't give him much of a chance and if he is more than a bit overweight I don't want much to do with him either.

I was in a relationship that crushed me, I let him. He was a porn addict and preferred to watch porn and masturbate to having sex with me. This hit me at a level of sexual identity and self-esteem that I cannot believe to this day that I put up with. I already had deep feelings for him when I realized what was going on. I wish I had left. I beleived the things he told me about wanting to give it up each time they were said. It took me moving back to the US to break from him.

After it ended I did not care about me physicaly or mentally. I am starting to get out of that. I recently went through a mental exercise to uncover how I felt about myself in my subconscious - I knew I was not my best cheerleader but did not realize I was so down on myself. As they say, knowledge is a powerful thing if used properly. I want my body to look the way that my body feels. I enjoy working out, I enjoy eating healthy foods. I just get lazy.

I search and yearn for a man that desires me as though I were Venus. Chemistry is such an ellusive thing. I have had it with men that I did not think I would and men that I found visually appealing did nothing for me when they touched or kissed me.

My purpose for posting this here - I have read some blogs today where others have received support and openness from others on this site and have had others help them heal after bad shit has happened. I don't know if this will happen for me. Would be nice but also know better to expect it.

Options for beyond today - post on a blog here about my self discovery and quest for the body I want or go away with my tail between my legs. Even if nobody comments will I still post my deepest crud and try to get it out? sure, after all this is one of the most anonymous places I know.

TrueTxGtlman 54M

1/15/2006 7:42 pm

Since I am an over weight man, I know the feelings one gets from searching online and getting no responses. I use to always show my picture so not to get I would love to meet you and then when they see my picture never to hear from them again. I have met ladies from online ranging from the petite to BBW. I find that what I truly desire from someone I am going to meet is that she has brains and that she really likes how she looks. I hope you get to that point where you like who you are and how you look so you will allow someone else to do the same for you. From reading your BLOG it appears to me you are a smart woman. I started my BLOG today also. Keep the positive attitude and great things will happen for you. May 2006 be the year where you get all you want and need from life.

*TTG*


rm_sharksnsails 47M
738 posts
1/20/2006 5:31 am

Bloggins bloggers!
You too TTG,
if you need any help , with bloggin, have any questions or just want me to show you around my little community of blogers let me know.
Yes, breaking up can be a real Beeeee--Ah--TCH!
If you need support the bloggers are a great place! they have been for me.
sharks


CelticKarma 45F
1350 posts
1/20/2006 2:10 pm

Welcome to the club, sweetie... If you need to talk, let me know.

Oh, goodie, you just inspired me to write a post on this subject. Blogging on!


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