Like We Never Loved At All....  

SaucyNSassy 40F
2021 posts
1/7/2006 2:12 pm

Last Read:
4/16/2006 8:58 am

Like We Never Loved At All....

So, I have been in my country music mood for a while now. I bought the new song by Faith Hill & Tim McGraw ... Like We Never Loved At All and I have listened to it about a million times already. lol.
It struck a nerve with me. I almost left my husband last Summer for this man (John)... He had my heart in his hands completely. I was madly in love with him. I broke up with him and decided I wasn't leaving when he told me OVER THE PHONE after I spent a week in Dallas with him that he really didnt want anymore kids. He has a little girl from his ex wife and raised his ex wifes son that SHE had when she married John. So, he said, he can't afford anymore kids. He knew from the very beginning that I wanted kids. I told him that, but he told me that he was hoping I would change my mind. He said, that if he had told me he didnt want any kids that I wouldn't have agreed to meet him... HE WAS RIGHT!!! I wouldn't have. I met him on yahoo... We talked for months before we met. We were on the phone for HOURS and I don't even like to be on the phone. I felt like I knew everything about him and vice versa. He hid this secret about not wanting any more kids very well. Anyway, I used to want 4 and I wasn't budging but now that I just turned 28 and I'm not happily married I have decided that I would be happy with 3. Grrr... I'm getting old. Anyway, he pops in and out of my life at his own wim and I just talk to him even though I should ignore him because I still have such strong feelings for him. He and I will talk for a week, make plans to see eachother and then he disappears again... I send a txt and call once or twice but after that if I don't get a response I just let it go. He will try to contact me again in a few mths... tell me he loves me and misses me and he's sorry but it's just too hard to keep in touch with me because we live 4 and a half hours from eachother.. blah...whatever.
I feel like he doesn't even care that we don't have a relationship anymore... Even though every time we talk he tells me he loves me and that he will never be happy without me. He says that I am the woman for him and he can never really be happy 100% without me. He always asks me to move to Dallas. I then tell him, the location that I live in isn't the problem. YOU DON'T want to have kids with me and then the whole conversation starts over about why he doesnt etc. and how maybe he would if I lived close by...lol.. BLAH!!! He said, "How can I ever be happy with someone else? I compare everyone to you and nobody even comes close" Well, it sounds good but he is probably full of it. So, I heard this song about 2 weeks ago and LOVED it... It's so freaking depressing but so is the end of he and my relationship.

LIKE WE NEVER LOVED AT ALL

You never looked so good
As you did last night
Underneath those city lights
There walking with your friend
Laughing at the moon
I swear you looked right through me
But i'm still living with your goodbye
And you're just going on with your life

[chorus]
How can you just walk on by
Without one tear in your eye
Don't you have the slightest feelings left for me
Maybe that's just your way
Of dealing with the pain
Forgetting everything between our rise and fall
Like we never loved at all

You, i hear you're doing fine
Seems like you're doing well
As far as i can tell
Time is leaving us behind
Another week has passed
And still i haven't laughed yet
So tell me what your secret is
To letting go like you did, like you did

[chorus]

Did you forget the magic
Did you forget the passion
Did you ever miss me
Ever long to kiss me

[chorus]

You, you never looked so good

So, am I the only pathetic soul here?


Dallas_Male_35 49M
255 posts
1/7/2006 4:00 pm

Okay, before you read this, all I can ask you to do is read the whole thing. Some of it you won't like. Some you will hate even more. But all of it is male opinion, and I can only ask you to read it.

I can actually relate to both of you on this. I had to have a little conversation with someone about something close to this exact thing myself, just a few years back.

Something you may not know about me, is I have a child, too.

As a man, it's impossible to understand the female maternal instinct.

We don't have the same feelings that a woman has; and, we can never develop it. Men will never carry a child in their body, and can't possibly know what the desire to feels like. Sadly, men mostly just think about the child support checks, which is what I fear John is doing to you.

It sounds like as much as he claims to love you, he doubts your love, or else, I think he could see past the checkbook aspect. If he felt 100% true in his heart that you loved him, I don't see how he could ever not want to have a child or 3 or 4 with you.

I said for the longest time that I would never do it, too. Then I met someone that I thought was "the one" (well I was wrong, but that's not the point of this). She and I had a long talk, and I realized that when you love someone, and you really believe that it will be forever, then there is no reason to fear something that happened in the past.

I know this is redundant. I always go back to this. You know my views on friendship and love (and trust, faith, honor and respect). . .. it all comes back to that. Always. You can't get around it. When that foundation is there for your love and for your friendship then you should just plan on what kind of wallpaper your baby is going to have in his or her room.

People who don't believe in "forever" can't see it. People that only beleive in "for now" or "for as long as it lasts" are the ones that can't see a future.

I personally see his point of view. . . but if someone would tell me they love me and that they know what forever means, then I would give them the child they wanted. I'm strict with my feelings, but I'm willing to negotiate.

I hope you read this with an open mind. . . it's probably been my most opinionated blog, and I apologize if it came across harsh, or if it seemed insensitive. I just wanted you to know a little bit about how the male mind works at times.


DowntownCS 36M

1/7/2006 4:34 pm

Not at all... I've recently been in your situation. It hurts when you love someone so much, but they just arent' the one you are supposed to be with. Thats the way I look at it. If they aren't with you, and things keep getting in the way, then they aren't meant to be with you at this time in your life. You just have to suck it up and try to get on with life. Which is what you have done, and I applaud you for that. Who know's maybe the future will be different.


rm_art_persists 53M
1789 posts
1/7/2006 4:36 pm

nope


jadedbabe78 107F

1/7/2006 8:43 pm

The kids issue can be a huge deal in any relationship. I have two boys--2 and 5. Before I had them, I *didn't* want any. Now, I wouldn't trade them for the world.

I dated a guy once, before I had my second with my fiance', who made such an ass statement, I had to dump him. Made the comment "It's too bad you have a child, because we can't have too much fun". Ummm, last time I checked it didn't make me a leper, lol....I still have a blast no matter what---basically he meant I couldn't be available when he wanted. I wasn't spontaneous before kids so he definitely was not my cup of tea.

If you want children, then yeah---holding out for someone who shares those wishes is the thing to do. If you chose to accept this man's wishes and gave up on this, you'd regret it all your life. That feeling doesn't go away. There is no changing someone's mind on this issue. It doesn't make you pathetic, it makes you strong.


im_your_man77 40M
961 posts
1/8/2006 4:08 am

You can't go from one relationship that makes you unhappy into another one that is destined to make you just as unhappy for other reasons. The best thing you could have done was walk away which you have done, perhaps with time you will be able to walk away for good. If a man truly loves you he will give you the earth, or at the very least attempt to give you the earth, just because he knows it will make you happy.
I hate when you see those reports that say how expensive kids are in a lifetime. Kids are not to be measured like stocks and shares, sure they might be expensive, but living is expensive.
Kids should be measured in the undemanding love that they give you unconditionally. With kids you get to be their hero just for scaring away the monster under the bed. They smile at you despite the fact that the bank are chasing you for last month's mortgage payment. You get the joys of teaching them how to ride a bike, throw a ball, drive a car and not forgetting chasing away the first boyfriend or girlfriend. People who measure kids in monetary terms are missing the point.
Personally for a long time I didn't want to be a father for my own reasons. My own father is an alcoholic, a gambler, a lousy husband, a lousy father and a few years ago I discovered he was a lousy son too, so I didn't want to repeat the process. But slowly I'm coming round to it that I think I probably do want to be a father if the conditions are right.
Anyway that song there is Exhibit A for why I cannot stand country music, it's as depressing as eternity spent in hell.


im_your_man77 40M
961 posts
1/8/2006 4:10 am

Catpiss_boy why don't you go mark your territory somewhere else? Give your girlfriend some attention or something.


jadedbabe78 107F

1/8/2006 7:25 am

pissboy, I bet you feel special by being an ass. That takes primo talent (sarcasm rules btw).


SaucyNSassy 40F

1/8/2006 9:40 am

Dallas, I would NEVER get upset at anyone for expressing their honest and mature opinion. It means a lot to me that you opened up and told me everything that you did. You, of everyone on this blog, are the one that if I was dating would be my "Challenge".
Downtown, Thanks for the applause. But breaking up with him was one of the hardest things I have ever done. Hopefully, I will become stronger one day.
Art, I'm glad I'm not the only pathetic soul around...
Jaded, I have always wanted kids, I can't even imagine not being able to be a mother. I think that alone would just rip my heart out. He hurt me, he lied to me and yet even now he can call and I am pathetic enough to talk to him... I have no willpower. Damnit!
Man77, When I read your first line ---You can't go from one relationship that makes you unhappy into another one that is destined to make you just as unhappy for other reasons---It got my attention. That line says it all. If I would have left to be with him, I would have been unhappy for other reasons. Also, I think the way you talk about how kids should be measured is SO sweet. You have a good heart and you are a good man and nothing that our parents do can change that. You will be a wonderful, loving and giving father. Kiss! Thanks for the comments sweetie!
Jade & Man, Cat Piss is the #1 Example of Trash on this website. For some reason, regardless of how much I ban his supremely ugly face from my site, he makes up new names or just is able to come back. I will just continue deleting him. You see, the world is made up of all kinds of people... he just happens to be the trash (catpiss)that the good people have to tolerate. Calling me a slut is SO immature and everyone that reads his immature comments on other blogs (yes, he does this to everyone) defends the woman he is being rude to. He is just a very unattractive man with a very tiny dick, (on another blog I believe a Very Sexy mbr named him Needledick...lol) and he can't get attention in anyway but to harass people. You've seen his pic, nobody will give him a second look unless he acts like an ass. The only way he can get hits on his profile is from people looking to see where this scum lives. So, after this comment about cat piss, I refuse to waste any time talking about him. It's the attention this white trash loser wants... So, I'm not giving it to him anymore. If he posts again, I will just delete it when I see it. Thanks for defending me though, (love ya!) but he's a waste of time for adults. Let him continue to be an immature prick on his own.

"Sassy"


Dallas_Male_35 49M
255 posts
1/8/2006 9:53 am

I must have missed something. . . . . did an entry get deleted in here ? Who is catpiss ?

(Damn, remind me not to leave my PC for more than 45 minutes)


Dallas_Male_35 49M
255 posts
1/8/2006 11:27 am

Thank you, Sassy. That means more to me than you may ever know.


rm_Milusos71 46M
9 posts
1/8/2006 6:55 pm

There is nothing pathetic from having loved and lost. You are definitely not alone in this aspect (my second blog explains it all). Keep your chin up, you can do better.


Dallas_Male_35 49M
255 posts
1/9/2006 8:52 am

So, um, tell me about this "challenge"

How would I be a challenge? You have piqued my curiosity!!


Cainseviltwin 37M

1/9/2006 8:58 am

sassy -

i missed any opportunity to say most of what was said. i think many a man will, for whatever his reason(s), not want kids until he has them. I am an example, in that I was incredibly sure i was not ready for kids, and relatively sure i never wanted kids, when i found out my wife, then girlfriend, was pregnant. And i'm no perfect dad, but i love them like i will never love anyone else in the world.


redlipsprincess
(Princess Lips)
53F

1/9/2006 10:12 am

hear that...

*hugs*

TTFN


SaucyNSassy 40F

1/9/2006 10:37 am

Dallas, Think about what you have said in your blogs. You are a man that seems intent on being ... well stubborn. I would just be one of those women that would want to break you. lol
Mil, thank u sweetie! I will read it!
Cain, nobody is perfect. All that matters is that you love them and they feel that love from you everyday! I am sure you are a fantastic daddy!
Red, Thanks for the hug dear! I needed it!

"Sassy"


Dallas_Male_35 49M
255 posts
1/9/2006 2:40 pm

LoL. Good luck!!!

I would hope you woudln't get your hopes up on that!

(Now, why on Earth would you think I'm stubborn!? What would give you that idea?)


SpaceRangerNJ 56M
4687 posts
1/9/2006 2:48 pm

Well I don't have any children of my own. I have a step-daughter. I had such a difficult time with her that I did not want any children of my own. Lots of issues both with me, her and her mother. I tried to raise her in a partnership with my wife but she seemed determined to do it without me and had no room for discussion or my opinion. Granted she is very talented as a mother. I have learned a lot from her.
I do in a lot of senses want a child but one which I have a real hand in raising. I am gun shy because of my past experiance. I was told by a friend that everyone knows in their heart what I don't know: that I need a child / children of my own because I am so good with them. I'm just scared.
Who know what the future will bring. I think with the right woman it would be wonderful.
It must really hurt to have this man be so obtuse (if that is the right word). To constantly renew relations and then to disappear makes the hurt start all over again.
Big hug to you.
SR


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