SassyChrisls 114F
413 posts
7/29/2005 5:28 pm

Logically, this should've been my first post- but oh well. LoL

The point of this blogging isn't to men bash- as much as you ladies would like to- but to open the men's eyes... that is, if they really want to be the charming suave man they claim to be.

Sorry, but calling us all kinds of vulgarities isn't attractive nor appealing. Neither is making senseless untruthful accusations - ex: "you're a slut!"- particularly when you've been nexted, dismissed, denied, ignored, rejected, and so on.

Granted, some women are as bad as some of the men. However, I'm not in search of a female so I could care less how a female reacts to my profile or my personality.

Consider this your help - you keep asking why won't the women answer you? Why won't they even speak to you in the room? Why must u try so hard to get one's attention?

Instead of having all the females repeat the same things in email/chat, find your answers right here in the Why We Females Don't Bother blogs.

Still want a direct answer? The simplest answer anyone could give anybody is it's YOU. How you behave, how you word, and how you react.... it tells us volumes.

We do have eyes- we see how you talk to the other women in the room, and how you treat your fellow "brothers". Don't think just cuz you're not directly speaking to us, we don't see.

Again- this blogging isn't intended to men-bash or mock- it's for our amusement- I chuckle at alot of what has been said- as well as to help the other men of AdultFriendFinder to not make the same mistakes.

Feel free to comment do not take this to heart- just laugh and learn from it.

Mikel121nU 42M
1 post
8/10/2005 12:52 am

AHEM!...While I do not condone this type of behavior my any means, I have to say that it is bred by some people in that they are just plain rude. We sit back and wonder why this type of behavior exists.... I say that it is bred and brought on by those individuals that are just downright mean or rude. It cannot be stopped. It cannot be prevented. It must be ignored! Most of the "jerks" that use abusive language or other crude behavior like it.. Responding to it only serves to breed it in my opinion. In closing, I apologize to all of the people that have been treated rudely by someone else... The perpetrators will definitely NOT apologize, so I am doing it for them.. I hope you all have a great day!....

pseudohippie 51F

8/9/2005 7:43 pm

Heck, I'm beginning to think it's all futile. People can't even define what they want to themselves, they can't define what they want using the choices the site provides to them, we can't communicate in chat, email is a nightmare, and even at parties, we get to see that people are not as they appear.

It's a wonder our species hasn't gone extinct.

justsayhi2005 52F

8/7/2005 11:06 pm

I would like to add to the email/chat commentary this comment... that you're damned if you do and you're damned if you don't... I have replied to many men simply stating a thank you for the email but we're not a good match type of sentiment only to get a retaliative reply to the effect that I am nothing but a bitch, a fake, etc...On the other hand, I have not replied to people I've not been interested in and gotten the same treatment. OR been harassed by people who had emailed me and didn't get an email reply even though I chatted with them in the chatroom. Can you say "needy"??
Which also brings to mind this...I have found it somewhat difficult to
maintain chat/email relationships with men on the site because even
after having stated that there was no interest in anything else, at some point this seems to be forgotten and there is an assumption on the part of the man that something more will happen simply due to the fact that you've been corresponding for a period of time. Of course when it doesn't, you are again the bitch, liar, tease, etc... far as be real and be yourself goes, you really should attend a party sometime and see just how amazingly different some people are in person from the way they portray themselves online. I say a party just because it's more time efficient! lol

Balanon2... honorable mention for being brave enough to post without fear and managing not to patronize the women at the same time.

Sassy, thanks for directing me to your blog even though it took awhile for me to find all the posts, I do enjoy reading them. And
I will go now because it's 2 am and I am rambling

pseudohippie 51F

8/5/2005 8:27 pm

SirT, didn't see your post when I wrote mine, but it's too damn hard to keep up with the emails, especially if you're new. It sucks...but it's true.

All the rest of your post is so true. You gotta be yourself, be real and not "sex-site-like," recognize the odds are against you, and learn to take rejection.

As for the women, if you take all the attention you get as are clearly not comparing the experience here to your real life experience. So be a pal, and even when you're tired of all the crap you get from men seeking god knows what, try not to be a bitch, at least until he won't take no for an answer for the 21038492034802384th time.

pseudohippie 51F

8/5/2005 8:06 pm's also "responses." lol

pseudohippie 51F

8/5/2005 8:03 pm

MissAnn, as usual you make a stellar stand, filled with excellent points.

Balanon, you have a good point in your post, too, though...about the gender differential issues here. I'd like to add to MissAnn's commentary that it's not as though the women can control what happens, here, either...or that we can predict it when we join (as the mega-site info posted by MissAnn shows.) Hell, it shocked me at first. Women are innundated--it feels like a damn assault. On my first day, I got 175 emails! OMG! If we women responded to even 1/10th of you men, we'd have to quit our jobs.

Here's my little story in support of the side effects of a mega-site:

One day, I noticed I was suddenly getting 100+ emails a day from men across the country. The (mega-)site put me on some kind of "cool people" list. How I got there, I'm still not sure, but I think it was because of # of views. How did I get so many? I have no idea. Did I get enough to make it? I doubt it. I suspect I was used as some kind of advertisement for the site...probably cause I look all girl-next-doory in my picture, I don't know. But I do know that my account couldn't handle the volume...I had 312 network invites in one week and couldn't get into my damn "friends" page to even view only choice was to accept them all from the main page. (haha, like I'd do that)

I wrote to the site asking them to fix this problem, and never to put me on a list again, or use me for advertisement purposes. And they sooooo cared! Yeah, right. Of course, if views get you on the list, and being on the list gets you only follows that I made the list AGAIN, just as the river of solicitation was running dry. Soooooo....I wrote back to the site and got a response that they've never had this issue happen before, so it must be on my end. HA! Rigamarole!

As a result, I don't even read emails anymore, or look at winks or invites, or anything but go into chat or read the blogs of my friends. Admittedly, I have met a wonderful man on this site and am no longer looking to meet anyone for dating, so that contributes too. But man. The grass might look greener on the other side...but it sure as hell isn't.

(Special apologies to my mother if I misspelled anything or used poor sentence structure in this post.)

rm_TallPAGuy73 44M

8/5/2005 5:38 pm

Oh, where to begin...

I think I'll just cherry-pick here - copy the line that caught my attention and reply to it. Easier to collect my thoughts that way.

"...Calling us all kinds of vulgarities isn't attractive nor appealing. Neither is making senseless untruthful accusations - ex: "you're a slut!"- particularly when you've been nexted, dismissed, denied, ignored, rejected, and so on."
Amen! I strongly condemn such behavior, as it sickens me as well. I don't believe that abusing a woman in any way, whether physically, mentally, verbally, or any other way, is ever acceptable behavior. What does it prove? It certainly doesn't prove manhood - only that you can't handle rejection. Yes, getting shot down is a bitch, but the best thing to do is get up, dust yourself off, and move on. Attacking someone for turning you down will only draw negative attention to you.

"Granted, some women are as bad as some of the men."
Damn right they are, and that's a shame too.

"7,247,163 men seeking women to 626,941 women seeking men. That's almost 12 to 1!"
This is why I jokingly advise men to bring their "A" game when they come to the site. Of course, in reality, it's not a game at all - not for me anyway. Either you know how to talk to women or you don't. The old saying is that you catch more flies with honey than with vinegar, and for the most part, it holds true here too - you'll do better by being sweet and respectful then by being...well, by being like a lot of guys here.

I've had people comment about how many women seem to talk to me. First of all, I have my ups and downs too - I often have dry spells where the women pay me no mind. But as for why I can get (most) women to at least acknowledge me, it's no big secret really. Just show them you have something more to offer than a dick. Let's face it - if all a woman wants is cock, she can get that anywhere. Chances are that the woman you're trying to engage (assuming she's looking for male attention - you may want to check on that too) is interested in what's between your ears too, and probably first.

As for how to get women to reply to emails...I'll have to get back to you on that. Haven't figured that one out yet myself.

"As result, even nice polite guys are unlikely to experience anything other (than) automated responces (sic) to e-mails."
I feel your pain, Balanon. Been there, done that.

"I'll trade having to filter thru lists of losers over the wall of silence any day."
So will I, but I'm starting to look at it differently. If I email a woman I've chatted with, there's a very strong likelihood that she at least has some idea of what kind of person I am. If she still can't be bothered to reply to my email in spite of that, then she's probably too shallow for me anyway. You see, I'm not just looking for a rack and a place to put my dick - I appreciate a woman's mind too, and I have several female friends who can vouch for that.

" have no idea how many guys are jerks from the start."
I do, and I've said it many times - it's the rotten 98% that make the rest of us look bad. However, it can be frustrating when a woman doesn't take the time to notice the few really decent ones who come along.

MissAnnThrope 57F
11488 posts
8/5/2005 2:38 pm

Balanon, you have no idea how many guys are jerks from the start. They're horny, they're on some site looking for masturbation material, they see the link for one of the portals to this site. If it's for AdultFriendFinder, the ads for them are currently stating you can find someone to stick it in as soon as you join. They believe these ads. They join, pay their money, then hit a chat room. Then when no woman wants to run off and do them sight unseen, they get really nasty...

"What the hell are you doing on a sex site if you don't want to get laid now?"
"Hey, it says there are lots of horny women on here!"
"You're all old and fat! Where are the chicks from the ads?"
etc, etc.

This site isn't just AdultFriendFinder. It's also, the FAQ of which says, the purpose of the site is dating, romance, friendship and other encounters. Then there's also HotMatch, which says right on the homepage, meet new friends and sex partners. Then there's Xmatch, which goes for the porn angle. In a feeble attempt to get more women to join, instead of having Lesbian Personals dot com point to OutPersonals, they have it point to this site. So yeah, you're going to see a bunch of deceived women looking for women, who will end up leaving the site as men continue to insist all they need is a magic dick to convert to the other side.

A year or two ago, a friend pointed out a site to me, the link to which I didn't keep. However, it was a pagan dating site and guess where it led?

Now, you can claim a bunch of men started out as gentlemen and then became bitter from rejection. Nope. The ones like that only pretend to be gentlemen, then their true colors come out. It can take an hour, it can take a month, drunken horny bitter outbursts aside. I take them from men as I do the PMS outburst a few ladies are prone to. They are forgiveable.

It's the jerks of the site, who think we ladies should be anonymous cumdumpsters who make it hard on everyone. They make men look bad, they make women never want to come back.

As far as, do we ever try to say something to the men who have the questionable profiles? Yes. I wish my mail box wasn't emptied by the site every week, instead of the once a month promised for standard members. I was written to by one of these guys about a month ago. He wanted to meet ASAP. I looked at his profile, which says he's looking for a blow job queen. A woman who can give head for hours. I wrote back, told him I'm not what he seeks, I have TMJ, not to mention, I don't get on my knees before any man. That if that was all he wanted from an anonymous woman, an escort would be much better at it than I. He wrote back screaming at me all he wanted was friendship and I read his profile all wrong. There was nothing about sex on there and what was my problem. So informing men of the problems with their profiles only gets us abused, unless they're guys who ask in the advice forum for pointers on their profiles.

But as you want to be informed of errors, the word is doubt, not dought. This is in response to your post here. I haven't checked your profile to go over it with a fine toothed comb. Yet. BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!

rm_Balanon2 50M
193 posts
8/5/2005 2:17 am

Men might have an easier time realizing there is a problem with their actions if the demographics of the site were not so stacked against us. 7,247,163 men seeking women to 626,941 women seeking men. That's almost 12 to 1! And almost as many women and couples seeking women. As result, even nice polite guys are unlikely to experience anything other automated responces to e-mails. Probably many men started out as gentlemen, but after weeks or months of being ignored they start getting bitter. Have any women seen a profile or email that had errors or came across as slightly off taken the time to give the man some feedback? I dought it. I'll trade having to filter thru lists of losers over the wall of silence any day.

rdy2try4 52F  
3131 posts
8/3/2005 7:48 am

Fabulous idea!! I am thinking of starting one myself. As MissAnn said, I hope the men take this as it is enlighten not to bash. But I do feel if the men could see how bad some of them look and that their actions truly are NOT what they wrote in a profile....they might think twice and realize the reasons behind no answers or no meetings. Good idea.

MissAnnThrope 57F
11488 posts
7/29/2005 9:35 pm

Yes, you are right, evil step sis. We do notice guys who go down the list, asking each woman in alphabetical order if we want to chat privately, just after a hi. We also notice if we leave for 5 minutes how you go onto the next woman and how we're forgotten.

We also notice when the really hung up newbie guys start screaming at men who talk to them that they're not gay, leave them alone. Then they wonder why no one in the room wants to talk to them? Or they get pissed off when we point out they're not in a room designated for cybersex and the chat rules clearly state no cyber in rooms not designated as such?

What's too bad is, the really clueless lamers aren't going to see this blog for what it is. They're going to see a man hater and all her friends who also hate men commenting, instead of secure women who know what they want and aren't willing to settle, just because some guy feels entitled to get his dick wet.

pseudodark71 47M/51F
1 post
7/29/2005 6:09 pm

best advice in there: every woman notices, you're right, men: pick one woman and stick with her for awhile

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