My chidren eat bugs...  

Sarcasmistress 47F
220 posts
7/9/2006 8:41 am

Last Read:
7/12/2006 11:10 am

My chidren eat bugs...

and live in a metal cage and have to use the bathroom outside.

I have come to realize that women in their 30s, such as myself, without actual children, such as myself, tend to carry pictures of their pets around like a sad replacement.

A few years ago, when I was in a particularly dark and depressing place, I would find myself taking one or more of my dachshunds (I have two -- Flash and Speedy) to PetsMart so that the other childless un-women like me could oooooh and aaaah over them. "Oh, he's so cute!" they would say, and I would smile and nod like somehow my genes had anything to do with the cuteness factor of my miniature dachshund.

Recently, I've taken to showing off a picture of my beagle, Emma-the-Dog, I took with my camera phone...see above. It's become, excuse the expression, Pavlovian for me lately. I don't care who I'm with or what the context is. Suddenly I find myself, unbidden and beyond my control, reaching for my cellphone chirping "Oh! Let me show you a picture of my baby!"

The only mitigating factors keeping me from becoming some dried up pastel polyester wearing bitter old hag watering her yard and yelling at neighborhood kids to get the hell out of my lawn are the fact that I actually *have* a boyfriend and that my children are not cats.

My best friend has two cats: Lilith and Opie. Now, she scares me. There is a certain level of plausible deniability that comes with dog ownership that it utterly absent in cat ownership. You can't walk a cat (well, you *can*, but it turns out to be not so much a "walk" and more of a "drag"), they are useless for home protection unless your burglar is deathly allergic to them and patient enough to wait around for the coughing to start, and they aren't exactly the most obviously affectionate critters on the planet. Dogs, on the other hand, at least, well, bark. The biggest threat any infiltrator into my home would face from my homedogs is being licked to death, but they don't know that from the sound -- you'd think I'd locked them away, feeding them just drops of my own blood every other day so that they developed a taste for it, the way they bark.

My darling Seriously has demonstrated the patience of Job dealing with my kids, but today, told me that while he loves all three of my children (yeah, right...honey, you're already getting laid, it's okay) the thinks Emma-the-Dog is, well, dumb. My initial reaction was to be all offended on my little girl's behalf -- I mean, this is pretty much my daughter he's talking about here! -- but then I had to agree, yeah, she's dumber than a sack of rocks. When I first moved into my house, which has all hardwood floors and tile, I would throw a tennis ball into the next room for Emma to chase down. Invariably, she'd lose her footing and slide right into the wall - BAM!!!! -- which I found hysterically I'd do it over and over again. I think it eventually caused her brain damage, so the fact that my dog is not the spiciest taco in the combination platter is really all my fault.

But she is my child. And now, you have all seen her picture.

caressmewell 54F

7/9/2006 1:15 pm

She's probably not dumb, she is suppose to be chasing rabbits and not tennis balls. When their primal instinct kicks in they are facinating dogs to watch.

rm_mmmgoodnova 107M/107F
1259 posts
7/11/2006 4:14 pm

Hey, hey, now... I have two cats (because they are less work than dogs by FAR) and I do not chirpingly inflict their photos--cam-phone or otherwise--on the poor unsuspecting public. Any cooing I do over them is in the privacy of my own home.

rm_mmmgoodnova 107M/107F
1259 posts
7/11/2006 6:57 pm

No, I was only teasing. And the "loser" symbol was more for me. 'Cause I do...coo over them.

MoonRise9 59M

7/11/2006 9:39 pm

So that's part of why I like your writing - dachsunds. Here's some pics of tweenie Pretzel and his cousin, part of a group of 25 I helped rescue 11 months ago. [post 292196] and [post 400832]

Become a member to create a blog