new beginning  

rm_Roryardri 70M
123 posts
6/30/2006 5:11 am

Last Read:
5/9/2007 5:19 am

new beginning


Throughout my life I have been a poet. Always. I have been told that I speak in iambic pentameter. I am incapable of seperating myself from the poet. So be it. But over the years. I am now 58. I have come to realize that reality is a cruel jest. There is no such thing. The loving family I treasured as a child was never true. They are not bad people, but they are as venal and self-absorbed as any stranger. I realize that they do not exist to conform to my preconcieved notions, but the idealistic image that I harbored could not have been further from the reality. I 'forgive them'.
I have hungered for love. I have seen her in my mind. our eyes have danced in a private hall of mutual concern, while the chaos streams about us.The reality has been somewhat dissappointing.
I realize that no one ... not even Me... can live up to the perfect perception. I do not seek perfection. I have always been willing to work to achieve the bond. Still, I find that having to balance the demands of the world, even those I find totally un-acceptable, in the mix of these emotions has caused me to withdraw from the fray.
Raised a Catholic, at one time pondering priesthood. Lapsed. Quelling anger at insufferable priests who preach to their captive audience with their mindless drivel of old worn out and worthless sins and suffering. He taught of love and forgiveness and inclusion. They speak of atonement, and exclusion. What book are they reading?
So, I read novels. Lost in the writings of Andrew Greeley, and wishing that his world were real. How closely it approximates the reality that I envisioned, even as I find my tears obscuring his words, I laugh at the insanity, knowing that he is a celibate Cleric. How much easier to live in his world without dealing with the tipping of the insane scales.
Hope stirs like a restless fever. Dreams disturb the cynical rest. Poems speak of love and laughter and life fails the test.
..................

rm_PurryKitty2 49M/51F
9753 posts
6/30/2006 5:48 am

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