i am not living the kind of life a body like mine should be living  

Richard_Surplus 41M
22 posts
3/5/2006 10:15 pm

Last Read:
3/12/2006 7:26 pm

i am not living the kind of life a body like mine should be living

while slowly working my way through auerbach's mimesis (the second text in my self-designed survey of german literary criticism), i was distracted by the size of my biceps. it was then that i realized, in a hemingway-esque "one true sentence" kind of way, that...i am not living the life a body like mine should be living.

it's been almost six months since i began lifting with the instruction of a physical trainer. although my sessions with paul are over (we still furtively glance at each other), i have kept in strict form. i continue to body sculpt, to chisel, to rep to failure. it has begun to show.

and ladies, let me tell you, i am swollen.

the bulking of my body, however, is not without emotional consequences. i was embarrassed by my biceps’ size. given how i spend the majority of my time outside of the gym, do i really deserve these firm glutes? this pec deck? these striated cloits and dloits?

for example, after my workout, this is how i spent yesterday: i learned a maybelle carter tune; i worked on my thesis; i read proust’s “swan in love.” this amounted to 14 solid hours on my ass in a chair. with the quads i now have, i should be squat thrusting cars off children. with my pythons, i should be wrestling actual pythons.

furthermore, given my sedentary “life of the mind,” i should be malnourished, underweight, flaccid even. instead i look robust and virile. i look like those athletes i hated in high school and college, who spent their days having push-up contests and winning triathalons while i ensconced myself in some shadowy, wood-paneled room reading boethius. i am ashamed that this body of an adonis is wasted on this life of a pedant.

i began working out my lats and my delts and my other things with only purely cosmetic ends in mind. but now that my abs ripple, shouldn't i be doing something with them? like stopping bullets? and if this is only after six months, what will happen in the next six? the next year? i look awesome now. could it be that i will become...awesomer?

perhaps uncle ben parker was right, with great power comes great responsibility. i should be using my new strength and chiseled beauty for good. i should be a fireman, or something having to do with fighting other men, or, like my mom helpfully suggests, an underwear model.

saddletrampsk 55F

3/5/2006 11:21 pm

come over here and pound fence posts into the ground..going to the gym..sheesh..thats free work..

pussinboots4u 51M/48F

3/11/2006 5:47 am

LOL - I love it!

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