When does a relationship start?  

rm_Rdwngfn24 46M
599 posts
9/6/2006 11:51 am

Last Read:
9/7/2006 9:18 pm

When does a relationship start?

I was recently reading a friend's blog and she was lamenting on how yet another guy wasn't able to remain faithful and not have several women going at the same time. That got me to thinking about the subject since I am new to the whole dating scene after nearly 16 yrs out of it.

Taking a sexual relationship out of the equation, is there a specific time (certain number of dates,, calendar length, etc.), that once passed means that the person you have been dating is now your girlfriend? Is it something you both decide after a discussion, "ok, I don't want us to see anyone else anymore". Or is it just automatic after the first date, that all other dating must cease and desist? I realize men and women view this area MUCH differently of course. A co-worker of mine was upset at the guy she was 'dating' because he would never introduce her as his girlfriend, he always called her the girl he "talked" to. Of course after 6-months it COULD get a bit old!

I generally think that how men and women view "serious" is completely different I found out as well. When I first started dating again, I ran across a lot of women who said they just wanted somebody to go out with, nothing serious. The more I talked with them, the more I realized that wasn't the case at all. So I developed a small hypothetical question I would ask to find out their intentions and views. It went something like this. "You meet a guy that you like, and you go out on a date with him. The date goes really well (no sex involved), and you both decide that a second date is in order. You both talk several times throughout the week, but don't set any plans for the next date yet. You go out with friends the following weekend and see him out with another girl. Do you get upset and confront him, never talk to him again, or do you just blow it off, because you aren't exclusive and you are both able to date anyone?"

All the women I posed this scenario to, all would have been mad and never talked to the guy again for "two timing" them. If they weren't looking for a serious relationship, why are they bothered in the first place? Since when does going out on one date mean exclusivity? Did I miss the memo that came out on the topic while I was away for the past 15 years?

I realize that nobody 'pins' their girl anymore, and the idea of formally asking somebody to 'go steady' are antiquated by todays standards. But wouldn't those traditions clear up the whole dating mess and alleviate the heartache that follows such scenarios? I realize that sex has become a lot more casual than in the past, and maybe that has skewed the perceptions of how a relationship is supposed to really be.

In the AIDS infested world, people want to know that they are the only ones, so they may have a piece of mind while forego a sexual relationship as soon as possible.

That's world according to me Wednesday Sept 6, 2006 at 1:51pm CDT

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