The error of my ways  

RaytownRick 62M
91 posts
5/1/2006 5:42 pm

Last Read:
5/3/2006 4:24 am

The error of my ways

Each day I earn a specific amount of money (the amount is irrelevant--it is sufficient for my family and I.) That is supposed to be good motivation for me to get up, get dressed, go to work, perform my assigned chores, and go home.

The problem is: it isn't.

I want something more--and I can't even verbalize what it is.

I have what must be considered an idyllic life. I have no debt except my home. I have eight children who love me. I have a loving, doting wife who would do anything for me. I have a beautiful home. I'm respected in my community. I've rarely done anything wrong in my life, and consequently have no skeletons in my closet.

I have no outstanding parking tickets, I drive the speed limit, I don't drink, I don't use drugs, I am healthy.

So what am I missing.

For you--there is this question: Why am I on a website seeking something . . . to upset a perfectly wonderful life?

And, for that question, and the others that I really can't seem to verbalize, I have no answers.

Any ideas?

clevergirl4U 59F

5/1/2006 6:55 pm

I would guess passion...for someone or some thing...that spark that makes us all feel fully alive. Maybe you are waiting, or looking, for someone to wake you up inside?

RaytownRick 62M

5/2/2006 6:55 am

    Quoting clevergirl4U:
    I would guess passion...for someone or some thing...that spark that makes us all feel fully alive. Maybe you are waiting, or looking, for someone to wake you up inside?
I think you are close to accurate. My wife tells me that when she feels like this, she goes out and buys a new pair of shoes, or a new dress, or something to add a "spark" to her. She says that at the time she is doing it, she doesn't recognize it, but when she gets home she realizes that it was the need to do something selfish.

If this site is anything, it is a monument to selfishness! "I want," "give me," "let me." This may be my expression of a new pair of shoes.

Yet, being on this site leaves me unfulfilled. Maybe it is passion I don't have. That passion often comes from doing something because you just have to do it. In my blog on passion, that was partially what drove my wife--she had a need to be selfish, and it drove her to a new passion (one which I appreciated--but it was for her, not for me.)

I have passion for some things--but they are all things outside of my budget, or my ability to obtain.

Who was the guy in literature that went jousting with windmills? He wanted--needed--a passion. The Man of Lemoncha?

Anyway, passion can't be found by others telling me what I need to be passionate about; I'll have to find it myself. Maybe I need to start painting or something. Throwing pottery. Build a mosaic tile across the driveway.

But thanks--it may be passion I lack.

RaytownRick 62M

5/2/2006 7:05 am

    Quoting rm_OhBaby199:
    WOW! 8 kids! Impressive that you are still sane -- I mean kids are great, but 8... I digress, not what the question was about...

    Maybe it's not having done anything wrong in your life. I mean, being bad feels good, right? I think that experimentation is a necessary part of life. A lot of the things we are told are 'horrible' are really not all bad. They can be of course, but maybe you just have the urge to - you know- live a little. We all need a little spice in our lives. It may not be sex you are looking for. Maybe just some adventure. You can have that without upsetting your wonderful life.
Four sons, four daughters--all well adjusted, happy, and healthy. It is the monument of our marriage. Two daughters are now happily married, and have each presented us with healthy grandchildren. Both are married to good men, who support them, love them, and care for them. Of my four sons, three have reached adulthood. One working on a Masters degree, two working on their bachelor degrees. One still at home, but just about ready to launch into society. Two daughters still in the nest.

Are you suggesting that I rob a bank? ". . . being bad feels good . . ." I'm not sure that is accurate. Being bad may feel a little devilish at the moment, but soon that passes and the guilt, injury, and consequences of inappropriate behavior swamp us into ruin.
It isn't that I'm perfect of course--I haven't sprouted angelic wings--it is just that it isn't in my nature to do anything seriously wrong.
Or perhaps, I just am very good at rationalizing the errors, so I feel little guilt in them.
I don't want to hurt others--and every action I would take that would be harmful to others would be extremely unfulfilling.

I've been in forty-nine of the fifty states. I haven't been to Alaska yet. I'm fifty years old, and it just dawns on me that it would be very selfish to just pack up and go to Alaska for awhile. That would mean I'd been in all fifty states by the age of fifty. It would be terribly selfish, accomplish nothing useful, and allow me to say for the rest of my life that I'd been in every state in the Union.
It's either that, or sex.
Oh, another thing pops into my mind. If I go to Alaska, and climb up on a glacier, I'll be able to say I walked on water.
[Does sarcasm translate well into the printed word?]

rm_MamCsDawne 48F
218 posts
5/25/2006 9:40 am

I know what it is that you are missing.. You are missing the fun crazy things that the wild women on this site do.. ha ha.. check out my blog and u will see what im saying.. lol.. and while you are at it.. go to my sisters blog.. you will find her comments on some of my blogs.. lol.. this is what you are missing.. two sisters that are totally crazy and love to do things to make ppl wonder.. hehehe.. so dont worry.. just hang out.. and I dont cheat on my man so that is out.. but u can check out what sis and i are up to next.. it will always keep you wondering what we will do next.. This i promise.

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