One-month anniversary.  

RaytownRick 62M
91 posts
3/30/2006 7:51 pm

Last Read:
4/24/2006 6:06 am

One-month anniversary.


It was exactly one month ago that I took a job in Texas. My wife and children are home in Kansas City, waiting for the school year to end, so they can sell the house, and come join me. I'm on a sex-swingers site because it helps me relieve a distinct pressure. I'd be too chicken to actually cheat on her--mostly because it would break her heart, and that's not something I'd be willing to do. Whatever momentary pleasure I'd get, the heartbreak and pain couldn't compensate for the misery of seeing her hurt. So, I'll stay frustrated, and allow my one indulgence be a daily visit to this site to rant about my personal loneliness.
My wife came and visited me two weeks ago, and she'll be here in two more. 48 hours of heaven, and four weeks of . . . what's that place that is the opposite of heaven? Yeah. Woe is me!
There is an interesting sense of knowing that there are others in this world as lonely as I. Sometimes I'm disgusted that a lonely person turns to this site, and then I realize that is why I'm here too. Is this the "safe" way of flirting with disaster? I see there are people who really meet in the real world, too. I'm glad for them, and sad for them. But where else could we meet? Weirdly, we all have the same needs, and yet, I want to judge my behavior (that is being on this site) as an oddly deviant one. Why would a happily married man (albeit a lonely one) waste his time wondering what other opportunities exist? Perhaps I'm more sadistic than I think.
Do you have a long distance relationship? Have you ever? Is there a cure that provides for your needs, and doesn't involve infidelity? Phone sex is less practical than you might think--we've got teenage kids at home, and lets just say the lines may not be 100% secure. I've resorted to playful e-mails, but one-a-day seems to be beyond the recipients tolerance level. She asks, "is that all you think of anymore?" It is. She gets here on the 8th. I've heard of people that have a family on one coast, and they work on the other. But aren't those the same people that say, "I don't know why my marriage failed?"
Frustrated Male.

angelofmercy5 60F
17881 posts
3/30/2006 8:18 pm

I know its frustrating. But I really respect the fact that you love her too much to hurt her. The 8th is coming up real soon! Does your wife know that you are here online? Would it possibly help that you two would share this experience? But irregardless....you can certainly vent here in the blogs...and have the opportunity to make some real friends. Hang on! Your love will carry you through!


rm_1n1t0 36M

3/30/2006 10:12 pm

I feel your pain, I never wanted to get involved while I was in the military, I have seen my fair share of broken hearts, and I know what realy drives the men to drink in the Army... its the poor relationships, and the stress the military puts on them, and the ones that drink are 90% likely to be the ones that dont have a well-balanced family life, or the ones that had their family life destroyed by the military.

All I have to say is, please don't throw away your family over this, do your best to make it through, and let the experience be one that will help improve your relationship and make it stronger. I dont know either of you so I cant say you should be more or less open or communicative with your spouse. But I can say, is do what you know she would appreciate, if you truly care about her =)

In my opinion, there is nothing wrong with coming on a site like this to explore yourself, or outlet ideas, and emotions. You can do it in a very politicaly correct manner, and not invade anyones space, and not pay $1000 dollars to a psychologist =)

Everyone has these questions they ask themselves, and everyone asks them at diffrent times in their life, I know I am still looking for the answers =)

I am glad your wife is coming to meet you, and I hope you can re-kindle some of the passion! Remember the diffrence between lust and love.

Its not your fault you feel the way you do, and the unfortunate people are the ones who deny they feel that way, and instead of dealing with it in an adult manner, they let it control their destiny.


blogginOnly 59F

3/31/2006 3:02 am

Awwwwww sweetie, you are some guy. She is lucky to have you. I hope you cover your tracks well on the computer, does she know much about computers? If she found out you were on this site, then you would be in hot water. Even if you told her you are just here to blog, would she believe it? Oh well, just a thought. The cure is your hand hon. (winks)


RaytownRick 62M

3/31/2006 1:42 pm

Doggone it, I just found out that I can't respond without being a paying member. These website designers are a clever lot, aren't they? So I have to respond to the comments my blog has generated with a reply, not a response. [the lengths I'll go through to save $99.00!] My wife's heart would be crushed if she knew I was on this site--it would be a loss of trust, a loss of confidence, just a loss. This is a great risk that I'm not so sure I can afford. My wife is pretty computer saavy, and I'm not sure I fully understand all the ways I need to cover my tracks, except for deleting history, and removing cookies. I did that earlier today, but then I found when I began to type "AdultFriendFinder" in the address bar, it filled it in for me--which means that I haven't covered my tracks as well as I had hoped. I'll work on that track tomorrow. 1n1t0 suggested that "it's not your fault you feel the way you do . . ." I disagree. I'm in control of my emotions--my feelings. I just am a Cad, pure and simple. I accept that, but still don't want to hurt her precious heart. One day I guess I'll die, and she'll figure out then that I wasn't as pure in thought as she had hoped. One day, everything will balance out--and then I'll be in big trouble. My wife and I are very open with one another--and I look forward to her coming with not just my heart, but my lower brain too! She'll have one of my daughters along, so we won't get much alone time, but we'll sure take advantage of every minute we can. In the mean time--thanks for your kind words and support. Oh, and finally, to "bloginOnly" realize that she isn't lucky to have me. She could have anyone on the Earth. She's probably cursed to have me. But, she does have me, and I have her, and I really ought not mess up such a good thing for . . . what? A trip to fantasy land?


rm_1n1t0 36M

3/31/2006 6:32 pm

I am sorry you mis-understood me a little Rick.

When I say its not your fault you have feelings, I mean the fact that we are still flesh and blood, mortal, and prone to feeling this.

It is simply how you interpret those feelings.

If I am hungry, I cannot stop myself from being hungry. I have that desire for food... Now I can eat a big greasy hamburger, or a lean peice of fish. I don't have control over that hunger, but I have control over what I do with that hunger. When I eat healthy, I use that hunger to sustain me, and help me. Also the fact that I use that hunger to eat healthely allows me to be better able to sustain my friends and loved ones in time of need =)

Now that is a pretty primative straight foward way of putting it... You have much more complex feelings in reguards to your desires and fantasies, but they are still absolutely nothing you can make dissapear and never feel again, they will always be like a sore knee or old war-wound. And you will have to learn how to use them and work through them, instead of letting them make you go for that big juicy burger... or that women you who is not your wife, and the one you love.

I havnt lived a day in my life without feeling some kind of need or longing, especialy for people of the opposite sex, but I do not let that need or longing, decide whether I am going to help a friend move or spend the night at a strip club, the answer is simple, I will help my friend move, and my friend will help me, in that he or she will give me their companionship, even if it is in a non-sexual-non-physical way.

We also need balance, and right now you are out of balance, clearly, in that you are lacking the physical, emotional aspect of your relationship, and its not your fault that she is not there, to provide that to you, nore is it realy hers. That is something that will take effort on both your parts...! I wonder how she feels at night? with just her pillow to keep her company? She probly feels much the same way you do, if not for other people but for your presence equaly as strong.

The way you make your feelings wrong, is by allowing them to bring the greater pain of betreyal, and jealousy. I don't know anybody who at least at one time in their life did not feel disatisfied, worried, or lonely, even in a relationship. Does it make your problem less unique? No, because you are a diffent person, and need diffrent coping mechanisms, I seriously wish I could offer some solutions, instead of just analysis... Everyone needs to deal with this situation in a diffrent way. Maybe you might want to do some research, maybe there is an organization or some kind of good information that explains what is going on better then I can? Sometimes just venting will help.

I just hate to see people blame themselves, when all they did was feel an emotion or feeling, or think a thought, which is ultimately human nature. Dont beat your self up until you let it realy cause a problem. Keep how you feel about it in the back of your mind, I mean the fact that you feel guilty for how you feel, shows you realy do have character, and you want to be faithfull, which is great! I think the fact that you can be honest about how you feel, and know that its ultimately not the right thing is awsome, please keep faith in yourself, if you loose faith in yourself, theres no way you will be able to keep faith in anyone else. If you loose faith in yourself then no one will be able to keep faith in you.

I hope I am not being to harsh, I wish I was there to share a meal, and give you a big smile and a pat on the back.


GoddessOfTheDawn 106F
11240 posts
4/24/2006 1:10 am

    Quoting RaytownRick:
    Doggone it, I just found out that I can't respond without being a paying member. These website designers are a clever lot, aren't they? So I have to respond to the comments my blog has generated with a reply, not a response. [the lengths I'll go through to save $99.00!] My wife's heart would be crushed if she knew I was on this site--it would be a loss of trust, a loss of confidence, just a loss. This is a great risk that I'm not so sure I can afford. My wife is pretty computer saavy, and I'm not sure I fully understand all the ways I need to cover my tracks, except for deleting history, and removing cookies. I did that earlier today, but then I found when I began to type "AdultFriendFinder" in the address bar, it filled it in for me--which means that I haven't covered my tracks as well as I had hoped. I'll work on that track tomorrow. 1n1t0 suggested that "it's not your fault you feel the way you do . . ." I disagree. I'm in control of my emotions--my feelings. I just am a Cad, pure and simple. I accept that, but still don't want to hurt her precious heart. One day I guess I'll die, and she'll figure out then that I wasn't as pure in thought as she had hoped. One day, everything will balance out--and then I'll be in big trouble. My wife and I are very open with one another--and I look forward to her coming with not just my heart, but my lower brain too! She'll have one of my daughters along, so we won't get much alone time, but we'll sure take advantage of every minute we can. In the mean time--thanks for your kind words and support. Oh, and finally, to "bloginOnly" realize that she isn't lucky to have me. She could have anyone on the Earth. She's probably cursed to have me. But, she does have me, and I have her, and I really ought not mess up such a good thing for . . . what? A trip to fantasy land?

you can use the 'quote' feature and respond to comments. Then the repliez will show up in the 'see where I'm quoted' list of the members you're responding to, which will increase the possibilities for some nice back and forth banter on the blogs (something many like, as you might have read by now)

a belated welcome to da blogz....


RaytownRick 62M

4/24/2006 6:06 am

    Quoting GoddessOfTheDawn:

    you can use the 'quote' feature and respond to comments. Then the repliez will show up in the 'see where I'm quoted' list of the members you're responding to, which will increase the possibilities for some nice back and forth banter on the blogs (something many like, as you might have read by now)

    a belated welcome to da blogz....
Well, that's a useful feature! I always tried the 'respond' button, but hadn't gotten adventurous enough to try the 'quote' button. My adventures are taking on a whole new attitude. The things you can learn from talking to a Goddess are just amazing. It was worth the trip.


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