Making changes.  

RaytownRick 62M
91 posts
4/13/2006 7:29 pm

Last Read:
4/20/2006 10:52 am

Making changes.

So, she was down house hunting. We've decided to move to Tyler, which is close enough that I can get to work, and big enough that she can enjoy the city lifestyle. I put her on an airplane last night, and am lonely again already.
Someone, in one of their posts, suggested that me talking with people on this site isn't cheating. I disagree. There is an inherent unfaithfulness in even talking to another person about matters that belong in your bedroom. Me writing this is cheating, and it isn't right for me to try to fool anyone, not even myself, that it isn't.
So, I'm a cheater. I don't like that I am, and I certainly have the power to change my own behavior, but . . . apparently I don't want to enough to actually change. Just think about it. How many people want to lose weight, and they sit and watch TV about how to lose weight without working? That's crazy. Same with me. I'm on this site, hoping that somehow I am not a cheater. Shame on me!
I guess, I rationalize it in my mind because I'm not actually having sex with anyone. It is a hollow argument, but it is the argument that goes on in my head.
Today, I spent an hour or so on this site searching for all the close women who might just want to be with me. Of course, none actually do--but my imagination can suppose that I'd be desirable to some stranger.
I'm desirable to my wife still. It isn't obligation; it is an expression of love. That's what good sex should be. I'm smart enough to realize that many people that post on this site say they just want "physical sex" without emotional attachment. I can't believe that. It seems to me that what they want is more emotional connection, and they don't think that it is worth the price of the sex. It's devaluing the act itself. Sex is best when everyone loves their partners, and want to please them.
Some people don't change. Others don't want to. A few of us will never change--probably because we don't have the proper motivation.
So for the past four days I went down to the hotel swimming pool and swam laps. My stomach muscles hurt--that's good, it means that my desire to lose weight, and strengthen my stomach is working. Now, I'll go eat a cheeseburger, to complete the self-defeating behavior inherent inside me. (Okay, no cheeseburger. Just typing a blog on a sex site, and humilating myself in front of a world of strangers.)
I'm pitiful. Is pity sex rewarding? Oh yeah, I already know the answer to that--it isn't. Been there before. That's why I know that you have to have love to make sex really rewarding.

rm_mm0206 70F
7767 posts
4/15/2006 10:25 am

hotel swimming pool... I thought it was an apartment you were living in?

RaytownRick 62M

4/15/2006 4:30 pm

Oh, I do live in an apartment. However, my business requires me to stay in other small towns around the area. (I buy oil leases--or negotiate them.) So, although my apartment is in one location, I end up spending time at hotels and motels all around the area.

So, that's where the hotel pool came in.

Now the real shocking thing is that you paid that much attention. To be honest, I don't quite understand the desire to read someone else's blogs. Of course, I'm honored that you would read it, but frankly a little stunned. My blog is about . . . well, me. Do you know how flattering it is that someone (in this case someone called mm0206) would bother to know that I, a measely insignificant microscopic (but none-the-less virile, kind, and wonderful) man knows that someone--especially some woman(!) would actually care. Sort of, care. Care enough to read my ramblings.
Thank you. You made my day! Now I'll sit in my apartment (where I stay on weekends always, and sometimes during the week) and fantasize that something I do matters to someone out there in cyberspace.

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