Feeling Like a Fool  

PurplePeach72 45F  
7757 posts
6/3/2006 10:26 pm

Last Read:
6/8/2006 2:46 pm

Feeling Like a Fool

I'm gonna write this now b/c if I don't I will forget what it feels like and won't learn my lesson from it. I don't want to forget, I don't want to pretend, I want to remind myself that I can't play without strings, I can't totally detach myself from sex. I want to remind myself of how lucky I am to have a man who loves me no matter what. When I'm balling like a baby b/c the boytoys I thought wanted me would rather have something else, I want to remind myself that I'm lucky b/c I have a man who loves me no matter what. He wants me more than any other woman in the world. When I'm crying b/c I'm not good enough for them, I'm better than anyhting he ever imagined. Why isn't that good enough for me? Why am I balling like a baby b/c the boy toys would rather dance with the tall lanky blonde that won't fuck them, rather than me, the short stumpy too heavy brunette that just lays it all on the table? Why do I feel like a teenager at the prom with nobody to dance with? Why?
I dont' know, but I do know that I feel like a cheap slut, a nasty whore who just wanted to get laid, no even worse than that, the stupid bitch chasing the hot guy who couldn't care less! When I've got a man at home that most women would die for. What's wrong with me? Somebody please enlighten me? SOmebody please tell me what I'm supposed to feel b/c obviously I'm so fucked up I can't see straight!
I shouldn't be crying right now. I told them all it didn't matter, it was ok with me. So why isn't it? I don't know but I do know that this is stupid, just fucking stupid to feel like this. Like some cheap dime store slut who couldn't get laid with a wadd of 20's. That's what I get for offering to share, and agreeing to a bargain that I knew the other half wouldn't fulfill.
No need to worry, I'll be fine. I'm a tough old bird and th truth is if any of the people that hurt me knew that they had hurt me they'd be heartily sorry but I'm not that way. I made the offer and I'll stand by my word no matter what the cost. I hope they all had a good time.
Don't worry be happy. I will soon, but not tonight. I'm gonna go let Scuba Stev hold me while I cry like the spoiled rotten bitch I am.
I'm sure he thinks it's about time I got my come up itisn (sp?) my just dues, he gets rejected and let down all the time and I alway think well what did you expect to happen. It's my turn now and well deserved.
Good Night all and have a great weekend. I'll be back soon. Take care.


hunterpt 56M  
13503 posts
2/12/2016 6:50 am

DonĀ“t feel that way. Kisses

bicuri914 48F

6/5/2006 10:12 am

You keep holding on to the knowledge that you do have a man who absolutely worships and adores you and be grateful that you are not single and having to take this crap without anyone else there to hold you, love you and tell you "it's gonna be okay". You got lucky with the man you've got and unfortunately the boytoys are just that....boys. Keep your head up. Luv ya, bicuri914

PurplePeach72 replies on 6/5/2006 11:30 am:
Thanks Sexy,
You are so right, and I am grateful for Steve, for you and all my other loving supporters. Who needs "boys" anyway right?!!
Love ya,

meerkittykat 43F

6/4/2006 12:43 am

Sometimes those "Strings" in the NSA thing are a little stronger than we think.

We're all human, and we all feel.

This post is heartbreaking....and the comment reaffirms everything I knew about love.

Take care folks...Meer

PurplePeach72 replies on 6/4/2006 4:04 am:
Hey Meer,
Thanks for your words of wisdom. I'm so lucky to have Steve in my life. He takes such good care of me. Thanks again, Hugs LeeAnn

sexyariesgirl 58F

6/4/2006 12:27 am

LeeAnn...never let them make you feel cheap or nasty darlin. NEVER! You are a beautiful woman, you are special, and you are a worthwhile person. Never forget that sweetie! Take care of YOU and that beautiful family you have....there will be other playmates who don't take you for granted. It's a fault within them sweetheart, not you. Be good to yourself LeeAnn! You deserve it. HUGGS

Power To FOK

PurplePeach72 replies on 6/4/2006 4:02 am:
Dear Sexyariesgirl,
Thanks for your sweet words of encouragement. I can't begin to tell you how much they mean to me. Thanks for the hugs too, I needed them last night. Hugs back to you, LeeAnn

PurplePeach72 45F  
9199 posts
6/3/2006 10:50 pm

She has fallen asleep next to me. Poor baby. All she wanted was to have a little fun. I tied to tell that at some point she would get her feelings hurt. She is so honest and upfront. No strings, we can just have fun, a little chase and a lot of fun. But two of her boytoys have taken her for granted now. I don't think she got her comeuppance. I hate she got hurt, I would and will do anything in my power to take care of the most wonderful thing that could ever happen to me. I love her and I am more than happy to let her play because it helps her fight demons and maintain a certain control in her life that she needs to survive withput feeling trapped or imprisoned. As for the boytoys, will I have veto power and for the first time I may use it. If they cant play nice, then I don't think they can play.
Having said all that I want to say two things, first to LeeAnn, I love you and would have no else in the world. Second, to those who play; It may be "playing" but it still involves others feeling and emotions, so be mindful, the lifestyle is not a license play with no regard for the others feelings.
Baby, its there loose, Smile, I love you and care about you, and so do I whole of other people.

Fixing the cover and tucking her in. Kissing her cheek and whispering in her ear, I love you with all my heart and soul, it will be ok baby.


PurplePeach72 replies on 6/4/2006 4:00 am:
Thank you baby! You are my love, my life andmy soulmate & I am blessed to have you in my life. Thank you for taking such good care of me and for loving me!
All my love forever,
LeeAnn {=}

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