Test Driving My New Profile  

Phineas1962 49M
382 posts
1/27/2006 7:18 pm

Last Read:
3/6/2006 1:10 pm

Test Driving My New Profile

I'm thinking of changing my profile since recently only offers of sex I have received I have to pay $300 per an hour. So I'm test driving a new one.

If you seen it before, yes you are correct, the body came from travelingintexas one of the funniest blogs here and I thank him.

Please tell me if I should use it.

The proposed new profile:

READ MY PROFILE FIRST BEFORE YOU RESPOND!

You must read my entire blog at Confessions because all applicants will be emailed a test. This will be an important part of your over all review process. IF NOT YOU WILL BE BLOCKED!

Okay all you women out there! I just can’t keep up with your emails! I know there are 15 of you horny women on this site for every hot sexy guy like me. Yes, the odds are in my favor, so I can be picky! If you don’t like it move on! YOU WILL BE BLOCKED!

NO MARRIED WOMEN CHEATING ON THEIR HUSBANDS! YOU WILL BE DELETED AND BLOCKED!

DO NOT SEND ME PICTURE OF YOUR OPEN WIDE PUSSY, I KNOW WHAT ONE LOOKS LIKE, YOU WILL BE DELETED! But you MUST send me pictures of your FACE. DO NOT ASK ME FOR PICTURES, I WILL NOT SEND THEM AND YOU WILL BE DELETED AND BLOCKED!

I DO NOT ACCEPT NETWORK INVITES OR UNSOLICITED IM CHATS (unless you match exactly my Ideal Person!) I get hundreds of these a day. LEAVE ME ALONE UNLESS I TELL YOU NOT TO! If I am interested in you I will write back otherwise leave me the hell alone! YOU WILL BE BLOCKED!

Don’t send me stupid ass emails saying how great of a cock sucker you are. Age doesn’t matter but you MUST BE between the ages of 21 to 27. IF NOT, YOU WILL BE BLOCKED!

I am NOT interested in women flying in from out of town who just wanna fuck me and leave. I am no whore. I want something in between a one night stand and an LTR. A friend with benefits. You must romance me, wine me, dine me, treat me like a man, then fuck my brains out. Yes I have a penis and yes I love sex but that doesn’t mean I’ll have it with you just because you have a pussy! Get a clue dumbass! YOU WILL BE BLOCKED

You must have an intelligence and be so damn funny I pee my shorty shorts laughing. If not, don't bother.

Let me say it again: NO MARRIED WOMEN CHEATING ON THEIR HUSBANDS! YOU WILL BE BLOCKED!

My Ideal Person:
You MUST BE a one-man BI-SEXUAL woman, between the ages of 21 and 27, I don’t wanna fuck my mother, duh get a clue dumbass! You must have large breast. What I mean by large breast, you MUST have 40 DD or larger. You MUST weigh no more than 110 pounds. You must be open minded, have a great sense of humor, and pay for everything (remember I am NOT a whore!). You must be bisexual, and look like a Victoria's Secret model with the brains of a Rhode Scholar. IF NOT YOU WILL BE DELETED AND BLOCKED!

Women who have been in Playboy or Penthouse is a plus.

However, please know... if I like you but another offer comes along that is better than yours, you will move to the number 2 spot and only utilized if I decide to stand up the number one spot for any reason.

AGAIN NO MARRIED WOMEN! YOU WILL DELETED AND BLOCKED!

Well, what do you think?


feel_my_heat 38F  
284 posts
1/27/2006 8:21 pm

LMAO!!! I love it but I would not put it up unless you don't want anyone to contact you ever again. LOL

I told you Phineas I'm willing to go up to $350. I know I'm not what your looking for but I'm sure you can make an exception. Please Phineas I need you. Consider my donation to Phineas Inc. Get back to me or call me or send a bird with a note on his neck. I'll be waiting by the window. Phineas Please I need you.


kitz6 61F

1/27/2006 11:15 pm

I LIKE it! Getting a bit of your own back huh? Good luck, sweety! signed Your New Warden.


Phineas2005 49M
854 posts
1/28/2006 12:25 am

    Quoting feel_my_heat:
    LMAO!!! I love it but I would not put it up unless you don't want anyone to contact you ever again. LOL

    I told you Phineas I'm willing to go up to $350. I know I'm not what your looking for but I'm sure you can make an exception. Please Phineas I need you. Consider my donation to Phineas Inc. Get back to me or call me or send a bird with a note on his neck. I'll be waiting by the window. Phineas Please I need you.
Because you are a friend....$250.


lowellgk 53F

1/28/2006 4:35 am

I am willing to put money on the fact that you get INUNDATED with emails that start with "I'm not exactly what you're looking for but please give me a chance...." You should post the profile for a couple of weeks to see.

Oh, and by the way...

I'm not exactly what you're looking for but....


sweethoneysouth 39F
280 posts
1/28/2006 11:05 pm

LMAO!!!! GO ahead, post it... Then I will have you all to myself


rappahannock_man 63M
1102 posts
1/31/2006 9:37 pm

LMAO, Phin!


Phineas2005 49M
854 posts
2/9/2006 2:47 pm

    Quoting feel_my_heat:
    LMAO!!! I love it but I would not put it up unless you don't want anyone to contact you ever again. LOL

    I told you Phineas I'm willing to go up to $350. I know I'm not what your looking for but I'm sure you can make an exception. Please Phineas I need you. Consider my donation to Phineas Inc. Get back to me or call me or send a bird with a note on his neck. I'll be waiting by the window. Phineas Please I need you.
BTW-Heat-The bird is on it's way....hope you are by the window....


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