What a Bummer  

Philosophy_N_Sex 50M/48F
1147 posts
8/17/2005 11:01 am

Last Read:
3/5/2006 9:27 pm

What a Bummer

Song of the day: Aint that a shame- Fats Domino

Disappointment!

Another one of those dammed negative things we have to contend with! People let us down, planned pleasure trips go awry, even a simple dinner on the table doesn’t happen.

The disappointment procedure:

1-Have images or expectations of how something will be.

2-Put much time, thought, and energy into creating said vision.

3-Compaire your vision to reality

4-Be pissed that the two are not identical.

5- Then
a-Find scapegoats and excuses for the failure
Or
b- Find logical reasons reality and ideals were not identical

How we are at fault.
Usually with people we set a blueprint in our mind of how a person will respond. Then they suddenly become human, and do something unexpected. Or when we meet a new person we fill in the blanks with our own desires.

Funny how people never seem to dedicate their lives to fulfilling our blue prints of them. How dare they want to be their own person? What is this anyway? Why do they think it is unfair for you to project your desires on them? Silly people! Like when you were a kid and your friend wanted to play a different game then you did? What is their problem anyway?

Some ways to reduce disappointment:
Accept imperfection in others. Actually accept differences. Maybe a person on your recreational sport team is a staunch supporter of the “other political party.” S/He is a good sports buddy, so why not focus on that. When they get political, steer them back to sport. This is why we have a variety of people in our lives, so we can enjoy aspects of others.

Use an “up front contract” this works well for romantic relationships. Say what you can do and what you do offer, then state what you need from the other person. Do their actions show they can meet the needs you seek? Are you over confident in them? This is not haggling the price of a used car, it makes you think about what you seek in companionship with another. You do this, I do that is the basis of all good relationships, think about it.

Don’t “fill in the blanks.” Ask the other person how they would handle a situation. What their views are about topic X. Then you are not starting to attach feelings to someone, because you if you do not know the true person, you are attaching feeling to your own perceptions, not the other person.

Expect disappointment. Have a backup plan, or figure things balance out, and an unexpected pleasantry will happen to take place of the “bad” thing that happened. No matter how well planned things are, chaos can and will ensure when other people are involved. Usually the good and bad balance, so you have good and bad to look forward to.

Find out if it is a simple misunderstanding. Did they just misread what you were saying? Are they having a bad day? If you look for disappointment you will find it, each and every time. Why toss away a person over a simple he said she said thing? It will be your loss, maybe a costly loss.

Of course we apply these things to rational people. The mentally disturbed do need special help by professionals. Don’t be disappointed in them, they are Looney.

Just a few humble ways to help lessen the blow of disappointment. It is going to happen, and often everyday. Being able to roll with the punches and keep our dreams intact is a balanced way to look at life. After a day or two things might not be so bad, and you just might have over reacted, maybe it is not worth getting upset about?

Take care always


rm_FreeLove999 47F
16127 posts
8/17/2005 12:27 pm

good advice! but sometimes it is good to dream and let your hopes fly off beyond reality ...



[blog freelove999]


rm_jayR63 60F
1884 posts
8/17/2005 3:56 pm

My guiding principle in life is "don't over-expect"

Pizza looks great on TV so you finally decide to splurge on the calories only to find it was greasy and gave you heartburn.

Much like my last husband.


rm_luke69iner 49M
3275 posts
8/17/2005 4:25 pm

Well said P&S

I hope for the continued courage to dream big enough to expect to feel the temporary sting disappointment often.

Always,
Luke


S'io credesse che mia risposta fosse
A persona che mai tornasse al mondo,
Questa fiamma staria senza piu scosse.
Ma perciocche giammai di questo fondo
Non torno vivo alcun, s'i'odo il vero,
Senza tema d'infamia ti rispondo
.
~Dante~


FunandFrisky79 42M/38F

8/17/2005 4:49 pm

P&S- Amen!

You should never expect too much from people. After all, we are only human. Everybody makes mistakes. So, we should all learn to forgive & forget. Unless, of course, the mistake is detrimental.

One rule I live by (when in a disagreement) is to never say anything I will regret... don't say anything demeaning and no name-calling. Once things go too far, you can't take it back. And, even if you are forgiven, it's never forgotten!

]


bigredeatsbush 52M/51F

8/17/2005 5:24 pm

Instead of dealing with reality, I try to stay in my fantasy world as much as possible!

When that doesn't work, well, you have good advice!
I also second F&F!


ExploreMore4Me 60F

8/17/2005 6:15 pm

Dear P&S... Wow my friend, I could elaborate on this topic from an entirely different perspective! And as you so aptly pointed out, differences are here for our growth and our opportunity for self expansion! I do see things from a higher horizon here only in the aspect that our thoughts do manifest in our realties...that which we think and that which we focus on; we tend to create the doorway for manifestation of such in our lives! Telling ourselves NOT to do this...NOT to do that...NOT to think this...NOT to expect this...what we are creating is exactly what WE DON'T wish to experience. I'd like to suggest the mirror side of this...EXPECT with CLEAR intention REALISTICALLY...Focus on the intention and NOT on the expectation...You will be surprised at what you will experience!

GREAT POST MY FRIEND! (As Usual!)

Hugs & Kisses!

EM4M


wyvernrose 39F  
3961 posts
8/17/2005 7:29 pm

well said.....liars don't ever work as expected however well no they do once you realise they are liars

WyvernRose


Philosophy_N_Sex 50M/48F

8/18/2005 10:08 am

freelove- I do dream big as well, we can overcome obstacles, our dreams are the fuel of the future.

Jayr- HAHAHA I never compaired pizza to marriage, until now, hahah, want to kick your ex in the basal ganglia?

Luke- you are doign just fine I bet!

F&F- Yes learning to "fight fair" is a hard thing to do, no resorting to cheap shots, but attacking the issue not the person can lead to positive feeling returning, and gettign back to tasks at hand.

BigRed- I live in fantasy land alot too, reality and fantasy are foggy some days haha

EM4M- HUmm didI hit a topic you are well trained in and have much experience with? Setting folks in the right direction? Yes you could do much better job explaining this than I

wyvern-Hello thanks fro stopping by! Yes lies are built no nothing and one can only expect more lies to cover for the lies.

Ms HH- Yes I bet you roll with the punches very well, you have went through alot and are wiser than most thank fro stopping by my humble blog..


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