[b]daddy's little girl[b]  

OleanderPoison 32F
1 posts
6/25/2006 5:47 am

Last Read:
5/1/2008 11:45 am

[b]daddy's little girl[b]

Little by little i am seeing the wrong in my life from myself and others....Mainly..my mother... if she can't see this then fine but if she does..well then hope fully this will give her a idea into my head.

Sure everyone thinks they know me?... but here's a question no one can answer... Who do i love the most.. Who is my hero?...my savior?....my solace?.....

My father.... no mom i don't believe he did those horrible things to you..no i don't beleive that you were ONLY the victim.... No one is EVER just the victim..You made decisions, you had a choice.. There were things you could have stopped. Making your child watch her father be handcuffed and taken out of his home is something no child should suffer..for no reason...you did that..you made everyone beleive that my father ; My KNIGHT IN SHINNING ARMOUR, was a despicable human being.. a waste of life... The only waste of life around here is you....how often do you call your children just to say i love you..how often do you let them know that they are the reason you are alive? NOT ONCE!! On christmas i called you a whore....and thats what you were. That same day you told me you'd bash my face in.... you know what? Physical pain is nothing to me cuz for a long time now you have been killing me slowly...my soul is dead..... and i hope you are happy.

I got a phone call today..It was my daddy. Just calling to say he was listening to a song of mine and couldn't help but break down and cry.

How many kids can say that has happened? I bet the numbers are few and far between. He has made me feel like i belong and mean something..where my mother has only alienated me from my own life...Now i know i'm not the easiest person to live with and i had a hand in alienating myself as well... but a parent should b able to handle what i was going through and connect with their child...

Sorry Deidre u just didn't have it...

O and for those of you who 'like' to judge me on issues like this..Save it....from here on out this is it if you dont like it..go somewhere else...

maestrosenzaverg 62M

6/27/2006 11:48 pm

Poor, sweet dear.

Knowing nothing of your reality and your pain, I can only offer my empathy (an attempt to combine sympathy with my own experience, in order that you may know only truth, and that the truth will make you stronger and even more vibrant than you already are). No one can walk in your shoes, but for what it is worth:

I knew my Daddy as a "friendly stranger." He had left the apartment for his parents' house soon after I was born, and my Mom was packed off for a little "break" (a severe case of post-partum, plus a touch of bi-polar) so I was left in the care of a wetnurse--a rationale now for my suspicion of anyone who tries to get "close" today. I never before understood those pictures of me in the hands of a black (no racial comment intended, just a dichotomy between her and me) nurse, feeding me from a bottle.

When Daddy returned for a period of time, there was stress.

When he mysteriously (he had put my uncle--Mom's brother, with whom he worked in the family business, up against a wall and couldn't stay) left town for Chicago (we lived in NJ), and we followed him out, there was a curious sense of being a guest in my own house.

When we left again, less than 500 days later, there was relief. Back to my grandparents--my Grandfather was, in every meaningful way, my true "Father" for many years.

When Daddy visited to have dinner, back in New York, once or twice a year, and on telephone calls, called me "Buddy," there was alienation. I was afraid he was going to kidnap me, every time.

When, at 15, after a performance I gave in New York (hadn't seen him for 2 years), he once again invited me to visit him and his new (third time charm!) wife in Chicago, there was limited reconciliation--I still adore and respect my Step Mother, and my Mom is still very much alove--there is room for BOTH.

When, on his death bed, he seemed so vulnerable and frail, and I helped him get up to take him to the bathroom, and he told me about almost having lost the house in Chicago, because he had to travel to make a living for his two daughters from the first marriage (Mom was second), then, and only then, in a flash, did I begin to know my Dad.

I do so hope you have people to talk to, down there, Oleander. If you wish to consider me a friend, I would be honored. Courage.

Maestro SV

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