What every AFF forum newbie should know...  

Notjustmanmeat 52M
10 posts
5/4/2006 3:27 am

Last Read:
5/18/2006 10:30 am

What every AFF forum newbie should know...

After intense research, fervently ploughing through the advice lines I have created a list of the answers to common questions all AdultFriendFinder newbies should know...Firstly for the men..

Q) Is the size of my cock important?
A) Only if you are a poultry farmer, want to appeal to size queens or harbor gay tendencies.

Q) Should I shave my cock and balls? (wax and crazy glue not a good combo, see: Bardicman)
A) Only if you don't have Parkinson's, Saint Vitus's or are an alcoholic in withdrawal.

Q) How can I make my ejaculations stronger?
A) Stop beating off to the web cams.

Q) How can I last longer whilst copulating?
A) Beat off to the web cams.

Q) How come women don't respond to my Profile/E-mails/Winks?
A) Because you can't spell. Alternatively, you're ugly.

Q) How can I make my partner squirt on me?
A) Give her a water pistol/garden hose/fire extinguisher, alternatively, crush with a road roller.

Q) How can I make my cock bigger?
A) Extra helpings of grain (see: Poultry farmer)

Q) Why do I get offers from men for an unreciprocated blow-job?
A) Because you have a pic of your dick as your profile photo, stupid.

Q) How can I perform better oral on my female partner?
A) Secretly and slyly study many languages, at the very least you will become a cunning linguist.

Q) If a woman's nipples are hard, are they horny?
A) Buy a sex manual.

Q) How can I introduce my wife to the idea of a FFM threesome?
A) Send me an E-mail.

Q) Why do ALL Women (fill in appropriate daft question)
A) How the f**k should I know, I'm a guy, and don't generalize.

Q) What photo should I post on my profile?
A) Dr Phil.

Q) How do I introduce a sex toy to my wife?
A) Vibrator, wife, wife, vibrator.

And for the new ladies..

Q) Does my bum look big in this?
A) Yes.

Q) How can I perform better blow-jobs on my partner?
A) SUCK don't BLOW, why do you think there are so many hunchbacks around?

Q) Should I shave my pussy?

Q) How can I protect myself when meeting a new partner?
A) Carry a 9mm.

Q) Why Do ALL men (fill in appropriate daft question)
A) Because we are men.

Q) I want to try Anal sex, but am unsure as to how to go about this, any suggestions?
A) Send me an E-mail.

Q) My man is straight but I fantasize about him having sex with another man, how do I raise this delicate subject?
A) GHB, Rohypnol and Ketamine spring to mind.

And finally for both sexes Q) How do I draw extra attention to my profile A) Create inane blogs like this one

FunFlirty4u 47F

5/4/2006 4:13 am

Great tips! Thanks for the laugh.

Notjustmanmeat replies on 5/4/2006 10:51 am:
You are most welcome

bardicman 51M

5/5/2006 10:47 am

All the questions in one easy place..


And wax and Crazy Glue is really NOT a good combination

I am not dead yet

Notjustmanmeat replies on 5/5/2006 12:01 pm:
Thanks man, welcome to my little bit of blogland.

dancethenightawa 47F
90 posts
5/12/2006 11:57 am

lol..... everything i wanted to know

Notjustmanmeat replies on 5/14/2006 11:59 am:
You are most welcome, glad to be of service...

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