My viewpoint....  

Nightguy_1961 56M
3324 posts
4/28/2006 4:35 am

Last Read:
5/14/2006 11:23 pm

My viewpoint....

I hate to interrupt the story I've been telling...but a couple of things that I've read during the past couple of nights compelled me to break into the story line....

[blog kelli4u2dew] & [blog mzhunyhole] have both written powerful blog posts about being abused. I have also read other postings by some of the ladies telling the same story, along with some of the guys relating some incidents of abuse that they were familiar with.

That got me thinking about it, but there is some assmonkey on here who posted something about 'women love abuse' and that kicked me in the gut. NOTE: I'm not going to give this assclown's name because he's not worth the typing..suffice to say, I read his blog & he's a bitter old man who likes to pick on people better than himself...which is damn near everybody)

Understand...I am just a man, so I won't even begin to say "I feel what you're going through"...that's an insult. I can say I've worked crisis hotlines and heard the trauma from battered women and little ones on the other end. I have seen abused individuals in the hospital...and yes, I've gotten drunk with cops who've taken loved ones to the morgue to view the end result of abuse and are trying to drown out the tears with Jack.

I am also a Dominant, an active participant in the BDSM Lifestyle. I fear that most people will look at me and others like me and say, " in the same."

I can say that I have, nor will I ever abuse my lady or any woman that ever plays with me, but how do I prove it? I just know in my heart what I'm capable of doing and what I won't do. As I've said before, I'd throw myself under a train before I would really hurt my lady. Granted, I'll spank her rear end until she squeals...but there is a difference between play and abuse...a big damn difference.

I have nothing but utter contempt for any so called 'man' who feels he has to make himself better by striking a woman or someone smaller than himself. Most times, abusers are f*cking cowards....let a man step up in their face and the abuser, the big man, will cower in the corner, blubbering and pissing on himself. Makes me want to vomit.

I only ask, dear reader, that you please don't lump those of us who like a little 'kink' in our sex lives with those cowardly bully bastards who have to terrorize a woman to feel like men. That's all....thanks for your indulgence.

NG61...fading back into the shadows...with eyes as red hot as the flames of Hell.....

MamChelle 49F
1443 posts
4/28/2006 5:16 am

Bravo NG! i do my best to point out in my autobiographic stories that although Master K was a Lifestyler He was a dispicable criminal. i do my best to get people to realize there IS a very damn big difference between real BDSM and the abuse that i grew up in. My story isn't being told to tantalize, its being told to address the real dark issues in the lifestyle. my desire is to get folks to see the difference between a loving and consensual lifestyle person and the negative abusive criminal that simply hides beneath the banner of BDSM. i welcome Your comments and the critisms so that i not fail in this endeavor. i can't say that the One i grew up under was a coward...but i can say He was a criminal, because pedophelia IS a crime. * steps off soap box and just lets the light shine out from the darkness* *hugs to You and Lady* c

Nightguy_1961 replies on 4/28/2006 8:39 pm:

Your post was also one that inspired me to write this...I winced when I read what you wrote and couldn't come up with an appropriate comment at the time. You've shown more bravery than any man I've known...your sister as well, bless her heart.

btw....I spoke with Pinhead earlier....he's set aside a very 'special' place for K......know what I mean, my dear?

wickedeasy 68F  
30897 posts
4/28/2006 6:06 am

an abuser has no thought for the victim

a Dom holds the interests of his submissive before his own -the utter and complete control that He must have is based on raising him/her to another level of consciousness.

some will never get it my friend

and some abusers hide in BDSM - we have all met them

so what to do?

shine the light like Chelle says

like You and lady do everyday


You cannot conceive the many without the one.

Nightguy_1961 replies on 4/28/2006 8:41 pm:

I am no light, by any stretch of the imagination...I'm just me.....the guy who sits in the shadows...and feels helpless at times to do anything....


4/28/2006 6:21 am

{=} spread the light to those in the dark

just a squirrel trying to get a nut

Nightguy_1961 replies on 4/28/2006 8:41 pm:
I'll try...but one can one person do?

rm_embwizard 52F
14 posts
4/28/2006 6:29 am

I actually read an article on this the other day pointing out the differences. The condenced version would be the key word being CONSENT, the submsive gives their consent knowing their master will not harm them, they both receive pleasure from their actions. The abused women (or man, it has happened) does not give their consent to be beatin or battered, more often than not they have no say, and the only one receiving any type of pleasure, if you can actually describe it as such, is the a-hole that thinks brute force makes them more powerful.

Nightguy_1961 replies on 4/28/2006 8:43 pm:
I have read articles on this subject, taken part in discussions on the subject...but still, people on the outside looking in still lump us together.

Hopefully, the more of us who speak out, maybe...just maybe...people will hear us...

ohcurious14 60M  
1684 posts
4/28/2006 6:56 am

I concure with your thoughts NG.I feel even though i don't know this particular person, that as you said abusers are cowards.I will also say that no woman i have ever been with or played with in the lifestyle has even come close to being abused.The one point that sticks out the most is and i feel this person is failing to realise is the fact that in lifestyle play all is consensual.And if a Dom is true to his word or is or has entrusted the submissive, then he will either stop when he knows she has had enough or until the safeword is called.It is so easy to hide behind words yet cower under in the presence of a stronger being.And while i'm on the subject, online only Dom's!!,Get a fucking clue please!!!!!No more than a wanna be.

Nightguy_1961 replies on 4/28/2006 8:44 pm:

rm_metalmama69 43F
3878 posts
4/28/2006 7:32 am

i am sure the average reader will not take Your words the wrong way. W/we know the difference between kink & abuse. And those that don't-D/s or not, better learn quickly before they end up in a bad situation!
thank You!

Nightguy_1961 replies on 4/28/2006 8:45 pm:
Let's hope they see the into a email dialogue with a special lady who wanted to know why we do what we do...hope I didn't put us in a bad light.....

wickedeasy 68F  
30897 posts
4/28/2006 8:03 am


You cannot conceive the many without the one.

Nightguy_1961 replies on 4/29/2006 5:41 am:
Thank you, choir member of the church of "Our Blessed Lady of the Submissive"*grins*

Fox4aKnight1 44F

4/28/2006 11:50 am

I agree somewhat with MzHuny. I have yet to get turned on by a flogging however your writings are very intersting. In some cases its also very erotic and a bit of a turn on. But I agree with you that being abused and BDSM is not the same. And that some people think so is to some degree worrysome. Mostly because lots of folks do not know the diffrence between the two. for whatever reason. What you and your Lady and other Dom's and Domme's and subs do to educate people helps a great deal.


Nightguy_1961 replies on 4/28/2006 8:46 pm:
Now you see what bugs me...people hear "BDSM" and automatically think "abuser" *sighs*

libgemOH 57M/53F

4/28/2006 12:26 pm

"L" Thank You! -B

Nightguy_1961 replies on 4/28/2006 8:47 pm:
B, you're quite welcome L

caressmewell 54F

4/28/2006 8:43 pm

While I don't play in the BDSM lifestyle I know from what I have read here on the blogs about it that it is NOT abuse. I've seen first hand what abuse does do a family. As I commented on MzHuny's blog, I had a one time brush with an abusive man but he hit the wrong woman because I can tell ya that when I picked up the stick and started beating the shit out of him for hitting me he screamed and cried worse than a little girl. I'm not a violent person by any means but I will defend myself against anyone that tries to hurt me.

Caress walking away flipping her redhair over her shoulders....

Nightguy_1961 replies on 4/28/2006 9:02 pm:

Thank you for understanding...and you're right...I forgot to mention that these cowards will also back down from a woman who won't take shit off of them...thanks for pointing that out.

*watching Caress flip that hair & walk off....admiring her strut...smiles*

Fox4aKnight1 44F

4/29/2006 12:06 am

Nightguy_1961 replies on 4/28/2006 8:46 pm:
Now you see what bugs me...people hear "BDSM" and automatically think "abuser" *sighs*

I knoiw belive me I have spoken to a few people and I was suprised when after getting my first and only spanking that turned me on to hear one of my guy frineds complain that "there is another one gone on the whole being beaten thing." It kinda upset me and made me angry cause I don't like being beated. I have been both at one time or another. And its not pleasent. But BDSM is diffrent. It is often a matter of trust and control. Too bad some people can't understand that. *sigh*

Nightguy_1961 replies on 4/29/2006 5:39 am:
It is about trust, control, and consent. Glad you understand it, Kellie.

MamChelle 49F
1443 posts
4/29/2006 2:45 am

replies on 4/28/2006 8:41 pm:
I'll try...but one can one person do?

You are doing it!! *smiles softly* As if O/one didn't know! Talk to the fuzzy grey bastard...even he knows that much. *winks* BTW..tell ol Pinhead thanks for that little girl isn't so scared anymore of that type of boogie men.

Nightguy_1961 replies on 4/29/2006 5:36 am:
All I'm doing is just writing...nothing more.

Pinhead says "Just don't open the puzzle box"

rm_metalmama69 43F
3878 posts
4/29/2006 5:10 am

Actually, BDSM is sooooo far from being abuse. It is the ultimate act of trust. It is the act of caring very deeply, even love. It is pure communication, of which there is NONE of these in an abusive situation. This, i know as pure fact, i'm sad to say

Nightguy_1961 replies on 4/29/2006 5:37 am:
You know it is...I know it is, but I wonder how many other people make the distinction....

Thanks for your comments......

Kaliedascope61 42M
4084 posts
4/29/2006 6:32 am

The bdsm lifestyle appeals to me, and I did a lot of reading on the subject, and discovered it really wasn't for me. Not in a full time capacity. There is a lot you have to know, and a lot that people don't understand about it. How doms know how to spank, where to spank, how often to spank, and how hard, and the reason they do it.

Which is completely different then just knocking the fuck out of a girl because your an ass bag.

This is a pretty good post, let me know if you plan on writing more about the differences, I think we could all use a little lesson in it.

Nightguy_1961 replies on 4/29/2006 11:23 am:
Thanks for visiting....from what my lady and other Lifestyle friends keep telling me, maybe I need to write more.

And there is much much more than just learning how to spank...24/7 BDSM relationships are just that....24/7...more on that later...

papyrina 52F
21133 posts
4/29/2006 7:03 am

no creeping back into the shadows,upfront where you deserve to be seen

I'm a

i'm here to stay

Nightguy_1961 replies on 4/29/2006 11:24 am:

but if you saw me in the light, you'd chase me back in the shadows

GoddessOfTheDawn 106F
11240 posts
4/29/2006 7:36 am

    Quoting rm_metalmama69:
    Actually, BDSM is sooooo far from being abuse. It is the ultimate act of trust. It is the act of caring very deeply, even love. It is pure communication, of which there is NONE of these in an abusive situation. This, i know as pure fact, i'm sad to say

NG, thank you for saying this, sharing this (and metal words it so good too)

~ echoez sighz ~

Nightguy_1961 replies on 4/29/2006 11:25 am:

You are quite welcome...just felt I needed to speak my tired of the comparisons, you know?

Whispersoftly5 53F
15176 posts
4/29/2006 10:57 am

Wonderful post and thank you for it. I read MzHuny's post and it made my heart hurt. I was so happy for and proud of her for being able to overcome her past. Like many I have my history and so I respect her and others that fight back or take their lives into their own hands.

As for me, I don't dial 911. I think abusers should be dealt with in an dark alley by use of a baseball bat, blow torch and pliers. I've no respect for those sub-humans.

On a different note, one thing I'm really enjoying about this post is it seems to have turned into a sort of discussion on BDSM. I like that, as I'm very attracted to the lifestyle yet really know nothing about it. Also, it's interesting to read the comments of others - their questions - opinions - perceptions.

Thank you! Great post!!! Whisper...

Nightguy_1961 replies on 4/29/2006 11:28 am:

You are so welcome for your comments and your questions. It seems that mz, kelli, and a lot of other ladies are stronger than most men in putting their personal history out for all to see.

As always, I encourage you to keep seeking information about BDSM...if you are interested. I will help in any way I can, okay?

GoddessOfTheDawn 106F
11240 posts
4/29/2006 12:56 pm

    Quoting GoddessOfTheDawn:

    NG, thank you for saying this, sharing this (and metal words it so good too)

    ~ echoez sighz ~
Nightguy_1961 replies on 4/29/2006 11:25 am:GOTD,

You are quite welcome...just felt I needed to speak my tired of the comparisons, you know?

~nodz~ .... yes, I do. Boxez, labelz.... all bullshit.

I wish I could find trust like that

Nightguy_1961 replies on 4/29/2006 4:54 pm:
You me on that

papyrina 52F
21133 posts
4/29/2006 2:08 pm

yep but not for the reasons you think

I'm a

i'm here to stay

Nightguy_1961 replies on 4/29/2006 4:54 pm:
Okay, now I'm blushing....'Sister' Papy

Kaliedascope61 42M
4084 posts
4/29/2006 7:05 pm

Yep, thats what I learned from all my reading, thats how I know its not for me.

Nightguy_1961 replies on 4/30/2006 2:40 am:
At least you are wise enough to know what you want and what you don't want...some people aren't as my experience...

teddybare426 59M
487 posts
4/29/2006 9:43 pm

Abuse is without consent.

With consent, not abuse.

To each his own[or her own, or their own]

"consenting adults" What part is hard to understand?

Nightguy_1961 replies on 4/30/2006 2:41 am:
I hear you, but let someone bring up your BDSM activities in court in front of a'll see the words 'abuser' written all over his face....been there, done that....

rm_Kissmystuff 62F
1435 posts
4/29/2006 11:15 pm

As an adult..I've not experienced abuse. As a's not something that I talk about much. I've touched on it here and there..even in some of my blog postings.

I know BDSM is not the same as abuse. I've read some things about it..and understand the difference. Some of what I've read..I find erotic and arousing. I used to wonder..if maybe there was something wrong with me..for finding it so.

I've done some research on the subject of abuse..and find the information frightening. Thousands of women are maimed and killed each year..thousands of children men who batter.

If only there were more men like you..willing to speak out..and step up. Perhaps..things could be changed.



Nightguy_1961 replies on 4/30/2006 2:42 am:
Thank you, Kiss....and welcome to my blog.

It is true about more men should speak well as more victims need to step up as well.

teddybare426 59M
487 posts
4/30/2006 7:44 am


I hear you too.

Should not have happened that way.

As big a problem abuse would think people would know the difference.

Consent-it really is that simple.

Nightguy_1961 replies on 4/30/2006 11:21 pm:
You'd think so...but stereotypes are hard to shake....

and consent is what it's all about....


4/30/2006 11:08 pm

The ASSCLOWN who said women love abuse should himself be abused! Maybe if he had ever been beatin, bones broke, , and almost killed, his opinion would be different.

Nightguy_1961 replies on 4/30/2006 11:26 pm:

He posted something to the effect that "nice guys only get a kiss on the cheek; that women wanted to be slapped and choked while fucked up the ass"...he went on to say that he'd had more pussy than everyone combined; that at 61 years old, he was master of everything around him, yadayadayada....

I used the back button, so I wouldn't let him know I'd even been there; I think he's been banned after that comment....not that I really care...he's gone after mzhunyhole, papy, sexyfit, and other ladies.....I wish he'd take a shot at me, you know? I haven't gone after anyone in quite awhile....

Babel__Fish 46F

5/1/2006 5:38 am


Nightguy_1961 replies on 5/1/2006 2:30 pm:
Thanks, Babel

runzwithknives 61F

5/13/2006 8:59 am

Well said. Yes, consent and the trust that goes with it.


Nightguy_1961 replies on 5/14/2006 11:24 pm:

Without trust and consent, it's nothing but abuse....

Thank you and welcome to my blog....

BlueEyes_Grayhar 59M
43 posts
4/17/2007 10:55 am


Thanks for putting up your viewpoint. And thanks to the many who have pointed out the difference, the trust and consent integral to BDSM. One more word needs to be added. Responsibility. When you take on the role of Dom, you take on the responsibility for the safety and welfare of the submissive. It is an integral part of the compact between Dom and Sub.

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