BDSM - What It Is That We Do  

Nightguy_1961 56M
3324 posts
6/1/2006 12:03 am

Last Read:
6/7/2006 10:49 pm

BDSM - What It Is That We Do

In cruising through some of the blogs, I've noticed an interest in BDSM. I have noticed that there are some misconceptions about what BDSM entails or even what BDSM means. I will post a few things here on my blog that, hopefully, will shed some light on the subject.

Some terms that are used.

BDSM - This is an acronym that covers a wide range of sexuality. It stands for Bondage/Discipline/Dominance/Submission/Sadism/Masochism. For a while, there were those who practiced B&D (bondage & discipline), but not S & M (Sado/masochism) and vice versa. Then you add those who practiced Dominance/submission (D/s) and things got really screwy. So the acronym was formed to try to cover all. This does not mean that those who practice one have to take part in all!!!! I know several hardcore S/Mers who never deal with bondage at all, just like there are those who practice bondage that will never go near S/M. BDSM is a huge tent...where all are welcome.

Bondage - the practice of restraining to restrict their movements (simple enough, right?). This covers a wide range, from just holding someone down with their own body to such restraints as straightjackets and body wraps. Usually, bondage is done to put the one bound in a provocative position, but not always.

Discipline - this can have a dual meaning: either discipline as 'punishment' or as the structured training of a submissive. It can involved sexual or non-sexual activities.

Dominance - the act of empowerment of one for the mutual enjoyment of both (wow!!!). In short, one who accepts the responsibility of control of his/her partner. Such people are known as Doms(male) or Dommes(female). Dominants can be given titles such as Sir, Ma'am, Lord, Lady, Master, Mistress, Grand High Poobah...well, you get the idea.

Submission - the act of surrendering control to another in a consensual manner. In other words, "I'll let you do what you want to me, provided you respect my limitations!!!" Submissives are referred to as boy, girl, pet, toy, plaything...the list goes on.

Sadism - The deriving of pleasure (sexual) from the inflicting of pain. This one word will strike fear in the hearts of many, even those into BDSM. The word comes from the Marquis De Sade, a French nobleman who wrote several novels about the inflicting of torture on others for sexual pleasure (note: there is no documentation to show that De Sade ever actually did the things he wrote about). In BDSM, a sadist is a person of honor who will use pain to raise a willing partner’s senses to another level.

Masochism - The deriving of pleasure(sexual) from receiving pain, humiliation, or from being dominated. Derived from the writings of Leopold von Sacher-Masoch. A masochist is one who enjoys pain within the realm of sexual activities. Referring to one as a masochist usually means that they can withstand a higher level of stimulation than others.

WIITWD - What It Is That We Do. An acronym used to describe BDSM. Coined by the Ladies of Female Artists of Domination (FAD), it is just another word to describe our brand of expressing our sexuality.

There are many more terms to describe BDSM and activities, but those are for explanation later. I just wanted to give an explanation & introduction...an appetizer, if you will. In future posts, I'll try to shed light on some of the things that make this Lifestyle so appealing.

If you are interested in reading some things I've posted in the past, please click on the links below and enjoy. It is a mixture of both fiction and my own personal viewpoints on BDSM.

An intro into my BDSM past
An intro to my bdsm pastpart II
An intro to my bdsm pastfinale
The Difference between lifestylers and othersa humble viewpoint
To collar or not to collarthat is the Questionwith all apologies to the Bard
Is whipping someone considered love
The 3 most important tools of a SirMastera humble opinion
Respect
Loyalty
What's a lie amongst friends EVERYTHING
The ScenePart I
The ScenePart II
What in the hell does a single letter have to do with anything
The Birthday Gift
So, you want to be in the Lifestyle
My first step on my Path along the Lifestyle
My first mentor
My second Mentor
The Final chapter
The Initiation Part I
The Initiation Part II
The InitiationPart III
The Initiation Part IV
The Initiation Part V
What do I feel
Are you ready to serve
A Scene In The Shadows

A lot of the definitions above have come from the book Screw the Roses, Send Me the Thorns by Miller & Devon 1995

©NG61 2006


Mermaidslut 51F

6/1/2006 12:13 am

Okay, this makes me uncomfortable. Stories about girls 16 years of age... slip away


Nightguy_1961 replies on 6/1/2006 1:18 am:
I phased over there, read a little bit, then got the hell out....

While I have no problem with age play among consenting legal aged adults...the idea or the promotion of of underage individuals disgusts me...

This is why I write what I write...to try and repair the damage done by people like the author of that piece....

Sorry...and I hope it didn't color BDSM too badly for you....

curious082385 32F
4925 posts
6/1/2006 12:31 am

Ok, I have to admit that the image of a sub (or anyone for that matter) calling out "Grand High Poobah" in the midst of throes of ecstasy made me laugh.


Nightguy_1961 replies on 6/1/2006 1:20 am:
*grins*

The 'Grand High Poobah' title was one that a bunch of us tagged on to someone who came into a chatroom demanding that all of the submissives bow at his feet....and also that the Dominants show him proper respect....

We showed him the door......

HBowt2 60F

6/1/2006 2:29 am

Tantalizing...tempting ....alluring...... enticing.....the trust involved is the scariest part.......


Nightguy_1961 replies on 6/1/2006 2:41 am:
Pardon my colloquialism, but you ain't kidding.....

libgemOH 57M/53F

6/1/2006 4:08 am

As always, reading and listening and learning (and growing even more stimulated) -B


Nightguy_1961 replies on 6/2/2006 2:41 am:
B,

I think you could find someone to help with that stimulation...if you asked.....L

MaggiesWishes 61F

6/1/2006 4:52 am


BBL to sample your stories... finishing up moving and then getting some much needed rest.
Very informative post
warm huggies, Dark One


Nightguy_1961 replies on 6/2/2006 2:42 am:
Thanks...glad you enjoyed it, Bright One

LustyTaurus 49M
21253 posts
6/1/2006 5:03 am

Thanks NG...well written and should shed some much needed light on this lifestyle....TY.

lustytaurus


Nightguy_1961 replies on 6/2/2006 2:43 am:
Thanks LT....just doing what I can to show people that we aren't that scary.....

rm_shannee2006 53F
3355 posts
6/1/2006 5:40 am

Thanks for the links to all your writing on the subject. I had yet to wade into the many pages of history for your blog. You did a terrific job explaining all the terms and what is involved in bdsm. Thank you.

Yup...this juiciness is from me....

S


Nightguy_1961 replies on 6/2/2006 2:43 am:
shannee...I know I left a bunch alone....switch, top, bottom....etc

Glad you enjoyed it...and thanks for the link.....I appreciate it....

rm_PurryKitty2 49M/51F
9753 posts
6/1/2006 5:49 am

Thanks for the information!!!

Purry {=}

Purry


Nightguy_1961 replies on 6/2/2006 2:45 am:
I'm glad you think so....want to experiment?

NGs_lady 65F
762 posts
6/1/2006 5:54 am

Something that should have been put into words a long time ago. People fear what they don't understand and I feel that so don't understand us. Maybe if people would consider that we are adults and know what we are doing. Well maybe they would get off of there silly ideas.

Accept people for what they are not what you want them to be!!!!!!!!!NGs_lady / Lady Stee


Nightguy_1961 replies on 6/2/2006 2:46 am:
I couldn't agree more...thank you, my lady.....

papyrina 52F
21133 posts
6/1/2006 6:01 am

i'm with Hbout on this one,trust is so important,there are possible some of this stuff i would like to try but i've never trusted anyone enough


I'm a

and
i'm here to stay


Nightguy_1961 replies on 6/2/2006 2:47 am:
papy, please promise me that you will only try our Lifestyle with someone you trust totally....I couldn't stand it if you could hurt, either physically or mentally......

Glad you enjoyed it.....

rm_PeanutJackie 37F
1286 posts
6/1/2006 6:09 am

NG, a very wonderful post yet again Thank you for posting this. May i put a link in my blog to this post? So many people that i come in contact with are so very curious about BDSM and what it all means. i would love to be able to have them read this post for a better understanding of it all.

i look forward to many more posts with information on the Lifestyle. There is so much to learn.

leaving a single red rose for you, NG, and slipping back into the sunlight

"I am beautiful no matter what you say, words can't bring me down. So don't you bring me down today."


Nightguy_1961 replies on 6/2/2006 2:48 am:
PJ,

Go right ahead and link if you want to....and thanks....

GermanGirl_000 64F

6/1/2006 7:20 am

I appreciate the information. Sure helps answer a lot of questions that I've had.

GG


Nightguy_1961 replies on 6/2/2006 2:48 am:
GermanGirl...Thank you and welcome to the Fortress....

longtallandcute 43M
42 posts
6/1/2006 7:52 am

Nice post mate. You take your responsibilities as a Dom very seriously, I'm impressed.

It amazes me constantly how little understanding most people have of the lifestyle. There's no awareness of the delicate balance involved, the trust involved, the responsibility - the fact that for many these experiences are an emotional and psychological journey. There's also little understanding of the depth of relationships possible entirely within the lifestyle.

I don't pretend to any expertise, I'm a dabbler - my knowledge is mostly secondhand (somehow I keep ending up with mistresses as flatmates - go figure). "Screw the roses" was a fascinating read, certainly the best written of the ones I've read. I recommend it to anyone curious not only about the lifestyle, but for how to experiment safely in the lifestyle.


Nightguy_1961 replies on 6/2/2006 2:49 am:
Thank you....I appreciate your comments...and welcome to the Fortress.

If you look around, I'm sure you can find a submissive, if that's what you seek......good luck in finding what you seek.....

BadAssBlonde1 58F
4989 posts
6/1/2006 7:53 am

Excellent Post, My Friend.

For all Time,
Lady Hunter
Madam of the Manor


After all the sex is gone, there is the mind - Lady Hunter / BAB

Copyright © House of Lady Hunter 1998-2009


Nightguy_1961 replies on 6/2/2006 2:50 am:
I'm glad you liked it.....Thanks......

ButteryDelight 59F

6/1/2006 8:30 am

Thank you NightGuy, Sir. I appreciate the information


Nightguy_1961 replies on 6/2/2006 2:53 am:
I'm glad you enjoyed....thank you.....

ohcurious14 60M  
1684 posts
6/1/2006 10:39 am

    Quoting NGs_lady:
    Something that should have been put into words a long time ago. People fear what they don't understand and I feel that so don't understand us. Maybe if people would consider that we are adults and know what we are doing. Well maybe they would get off of there silly ideas.

    Accept people for what they are not what you want them to be!!!!!!!!!NGs_lady / Lady Stee
That is also one of my favorite sayings as well Ng's lady !!!


Nightguy_1961 replies on 6/7/2006 10:49 pm:
She is a smart one, isn't she?

ohcurious14 60M  
1684 posts
6/1/2006 10:42 am

As a regular follower of your blog NG, I am thrilled every time I learn something from you and all the wisdom that you possess. I thank you kindly Sir.


Nightguy_1961 replies on 6/2/2006 2:54 am:
You are quite welcome.....

peaches19555 62M

6/1/2006 11:06 am

To a degree is not BDSM being played out in all our relationships. This tapestry weaves its way from birth to the grave but not always in concert. Who can deny that your words have resonance whether we like the sound (or feel) of the chord?


Nightguy_1961 replies on 6/2/2006 2:55 am:
In some aspects, BDSM themes are played out in all relationships...themes like trust, communication, desire, control.....excellent viewpoint....thanks.....

MamChelle 49F
1443 posts
6/1/2006 11:23 am

Thank You NG! i am myself revisiting the issue of concideration and collarings in my blog on a very personal note. So many need the definitions repeated and the misconceptions dispelled. Service isn't about being on ones knees and so many fail to realize or may have never been taught that it is also something as simple as setting the Dom a dinner plate or taking off Their shoes..running an errand...it isn't always about sex.


Nightguy_1961 replies on 6/2/2006 2:56 am:
I am planning to post about what service means in a future post.....glad you enjoyed....thanks....

TheLilFondler 34F
2576 posts
6/1/2006 12:16 pm

*sits quietly under her table reading

i lost my virginity years ago.....
but i still have the box.....


Nightguy_1961 replies on 6/2/2006 2:58 am:
*hands her a pillow so she can sit more comfortably under her table*

wickedeasy 68F  
30939 posts
6/1/2006 2:12 pm

what can i say?

You stand for all of U/us and i am profoundly grateful for Your voice and Your friendship

WE

You cannot conceive the many without the one.


Nightguy_1961 replies on 6/2/2006 2:59 am:
What can you say? Just tell your viewpoint of WIITWD...let all of us be heard from......thanks.....

rm_Bladesong 41F
476 posts
6/1/2006 3:12 pm

Thank youf or posting this. So many on here do not truly understand what BDSM is. Hopefully this will help them understand it more and be more accepting of it.

~It is better to have loved and lost than to have never loved!

Be Good to those around you!

Blade


Nightguy_1961 replies on 6/2/2006 3:00 am:
Bladesong (love that name!!!)....thank you and welcome to the Fortress.

I just do what I can...nothing more.....

fancy_for_you 41F
3014 posts
6/1/2006 4:46 pm

Nightguy_1961,

Thank you for this imformation. OC speaks highly of you and I have seen you post to many of his blog entries. He suggested I come read your post today. I am glad he did. I plan to read each and every one of your links.

If you don't mind I may return from time to time to learn more about this lifestyle that intrigues me so much.

Fuzzy

~~Fuzzy~~


Nightguy_1961 replies on 6/2/2006 3:03 am:
Thank you for you kind comments...and welcome to the Fortress....you are welcome anytime here....

rm_janeraped 42F
3772 posts
6/1/2006 7:31 pm

Once again, thank you Nightguy. These links are awesome, and I, like alot of others here, will be reading them.


Nightguy_1961 replies on 6/2/2006 3:04 am:
You are quite welcome....thank you......

rm_Twister2bed 48M
617 posts
6/1/2006 8:37 pm

Thanks for the post NG I think I learned more about the lifestyle in your blog than I could have in a google search...
Somewhere along the line I get the idea that people who think their in the lifestyle don't even know what its all about and sometimes give it a bad side thats widely seen by outsiders rather than seeing what its truely about. If that makes any sense.


Nightguy_1961 replies on 6/2/2006 3:10 am:
Another things that bugs me is when the media reports on a /abuser/murderer...and they have to mention BDSM or kink in the same breath......

I just say what I think and what I've seen and done...nothing more....thanks.....

Whispersoftly5 53F
15176 posts
6/1/2006 9:26 pm

Very informative post! Thank you! I see I've read most all your other posts on the subject, but not all. So I'll be checking those out too. Thanks for providing the links and for this post!

Whisper...


Nightguy_1961 replies on 6/2/2006 3:10 am:
Whisper,

You are quite welcome....I wish I could give you a guided tour into our Lifestyle....but......*sigh*

Thanks......

TheLilFondler 34F
2576 posts
6/2/2006 3:17 am

thank You

i lost my virginity years ago.....
but i still have the box.....


Nightguy_1961 replies on 6/4/2006 2:34 am:
You're quite welcome.....

papyrina 52F
21133 posts
6/2/2006 4:36 am

happy to make that promise


I'm a

and
i'm here to stay


Nightguy_1961 replies on 6/4/2006 2:34 am:
*smiles*

TheLilFondler 34F
2576 posts
6/2/2006 2:34 pm

*stretches out on a blanket on the floor with the pillow enjoying what she is reading*

i lost my virginity years ago.....
but i still have the box.....


Nightguy_1961 replies on 6/4/2006 2:35 am:
*covers her with a light blanket so she's comfortable...*

ButteryDelight 59F

6/2/2006 3:29 pm

NG,Sir,
I have been awake now more then 24 hours. I must say I spent the last several of them reading your articles on BDSM. I have read them all now. Very informative those articles were too. I enjoy the way you write and express yourself.

Buttery Delight


Nightguy_1961 replies on 6/4/2006 2:35 am:
I am pleased and honored that you enjoyed them....thank you....

PurplePeach72 45F  
9199 posts
6/2/2006 3:34 pm

I can't thank you enough for posting this. I haven't had time to read everything yet, but I am working on it. As a novice, looking at being introduced to the lifestyle this is invaluable education and from someone I trust and admire. Thanks for sharing your wealth of knowledge and experience with us ignorant learners. I'm looking forward to learning so much from you and your lady. Thank you again, {=}LeeAnn

Kisses,
LA


Nightguy_1961 replies on 6/4/2006 2:36 am:
I am glad that you like my words....and welcome to the Fortress, if I haven't said it already.....

SacredStarDance

6/2/2006 8:11 pm

Thank you so much for this excellent post! I had no idea I was so cluless.. I have much reading to do and learning and growing.. I will be back..
This really needs to be a public service announcement on every channel.. radio station..this has opened so many minds..including mine.

I LOVE IT

under the stars
We choose to write
you choose what you comprehend.
read twice and be nice
every key stroke... has a heart beat


Nightguy_1961 replies on 6/4/2006 2:37 am:
You are far from clueless...so cut out that talk right now, okay? *smiles*

I'm pleased that you liked it.....

Mermaidslut 51F

6/2/2006 11:31 pm

Nightguy_1961 replies on 6/1/2006 1:18 am:
I phased over there, read a little bit, then got the hell out....

While I have no problem with age play among consenting legal aged adults...the idea or the promotion of of underage individuals disgusts me...

This is why I write what I write...to try and repair the damage done by people like the author of that piece....

Sorry...and I hope it didn't color BDSM too badly for you....


On the contrary Nightguy, I doubt you could color it much for me other then to help define the differing shades of grey within the lifestyle. I lived a 24/7 D/s relationship for more then a decade. It was plain vanilla, basically, but considering my nature beforehand, that was an extreme change for me. It wasn't until finding Anne Rices Beauty trilogy that I actually understood the exchange of power and Why. My comment about To collar or not to collarthat is the Questionwith all apologies to the Bard, was not sarcastic whatsoever. It was a statement of personal experience.


Nightguy_1961 replies on 6/4/2006 2:38 am:
I understand....and thank you....

FeistySyn 53F

6/3/2006 12:59 pm

Wow... I just read several of your past pieces... I tried to send you a private email, because I am not comfortable being as "expressive" here as I would be there...but was unable to... I will just say that I was inspired to "self-pleasure", and now view a few things differently than I have in the past... thank you.

Apparently the depth of depravity here is bottomless... don't you feel right at home?
~~~~~


Nightguy_1961 replies on 6/4/2006 2:39 am:
FeistySyn,

I'm glad that you enjoyed what I wrote....and welcome to the Fortress.

I tried to email you, but your profile is turned off, so that was out of the question....not sure why you couldn't email me

Thanks again....

alphuctup 41M

6/6/2006 3:33 am

I have just finished reading all the linked material, it was intriguing, informative and somewhat intoxicating.

Thank you for placing so much on the table.


Nightguy_1961 replies on 6/7/2006 10:51 pm:
You are quite welcome, and thank you for reading them...it is a bit intoxicating, now isn't it?

reload4me 54M

12/27/2006 7:07 pm

I appreciate your attention to detail in describing BDSM. I did not have a clue what it meant or what other terms meant until I read your blog. Understanding is a wonderful thing. Thanks again.


Become a member to create a blog