Are you ready to serve?  

Nightguy_1961 56M
3324 posts
5/2/2006 12:40 am

Last Read:
5/6/2006 9:32 pm

Are you ready to serve?

I wrote a post sometime back, So, you want to be in the Lifestyle, asking potential Dominants if they knew what they were signing on for; thought I'd write something for the flip side of the coin, plus give a little info on my style, so to speak. I'm writing more about people interested in a 24/7 BDSM relationship, so those of you who like to 'play' on the weekends or when you can, this may be a bit overwhelming. I know I'll catch hell on this, but here goes:

I hear about a lot of ladies who say "I want to be a submissive!" The task for me is to try and figure out a few things: Is this lady just wanting to play? Is she wanting to be a submissive/slave in my House? What is she looking for? So I've got a few questions:

You say you want to be my submissive...would you consider submitting a petition to me, letting me know why I should take you on as my submissive. What qualifies you? Who have you submitted to before? What is your experience? Are you worth my time and energy?

Are you willing to fill out a questionnaire, letting me know what you like to do, what you're interested in trying, and what is off limits for you? I am not a mind reader, so please don't just say,
"I'll try anything!" Believe me, you don't know what kind of imagination I have. Are you into erotic pain or are you a pain slut? Bondage with ropes or leather straps? Can I tell you to "Stay and don't move!" and you'll do so? Are you adverse to toys, such as vibrators, plugs, dildos, nipple clamps/rings? Are you interested in training, such as corset training or high heel training? Would pleasure delay/denial scare you?

You say
"I want to serve in your house." What are you willing to do? If you say anything, I have a cat. I'll put you on taking care of the cat and all his needs for a month. You said you'd be willing to serve in my house...what did you think I meant? Would you have my tea ready for me when I get home from work? Will you have my clothes laid out for me to get ready for work after I get out of the shower?

Are you comfortable in the fact that you will not be Number 1 in my house? I have an Alpha submissive and she will come first in my life and my house. In fact, if you were to serve in my House, you would answer to her, for your initial training would be her responsibility. Are you adverse to having my lady having a large part in your training, such as corset or high heel training?

You say that, sexually, you are willing to do anything. Are you willing to be treated sometimes as just a sex slave? If you are taken to a party or club, are you comfortable knowing that you may be 'given' to another Dom/me for His/Her play or pleasure that night? Would you be comfortable with the rule that you are not to even look at another person there, unless you have my permission?

Are you willing to keep your body as I would want you to keep it? I'm not talking about losing weight or any of that kind of BS...are you willing to shave your pussy and keep it that way? Are you okay with getting a manicure and pedicure, and having your nails painted in the color I pick? I would require that you keep your skin in a certain condition; would you use lotions/oils on a daily basis to keep your skin soft and supple for my touch? I like long hair on a woman; would you get your hair styled to please me? If need be, I will bathe you to make sure what is mine is in a presentable shape; would it bother you to have me bathe you on occasion?

Now, after I'd ask all those questions, I'd have a few more: Are you ready to be treasured, like some precious jewel? Are you ready to be protected, as a knight would protect his lady? Are you ready to have your senses expanded, like they've never been expanded before? Are you ready to fly?

Now you know what goes through the mind of a Sir/Master when a lady comes up and voices an interest in WIITWD. I have nothing against those who are curious and want to ask questions; those who play at what we do and are just looking for some spice in their private lives; and those who are considering going the 24/7 route. I just know who and what I am...and I'm just being open and honest about it with y'all.

Once again, I've walked you into the edge of the shadows and let you see into my world. I hope the view hasn't scared you...but do as you will and think as you will...it is a free world and I cannot control what one thinks anymore than I can control the stars in heaven. I am, after all, only human...

Something to think about...


NG61....retreating back to the shadows to think....

©Nightguy_1961 2006


GoddessOfTheDawn 106F
11240 posts
5/2/2006 12:57 am


I wish I could find the words to describe what I feel when reading this....

thank you


Nightguy_1961 replies on 5/2/2006 1:14 am:
GOTD,

I hope they're good words.......because the last thing I wanted to do with this post was tick people off....

Babel__Fish 46F

5/2/2006 1:12 am

Thanks for sharing Night!

Babel


Nightguy_1961 replies on 5/2/2006 1:25 am:
Anytime, dear Babel!!!

GoddessOfTheDawn 106F
11240 posts
5/2/2006 1:39 am

    Quoting GoddessOfTheDawn:

    I wish I could find the words to describe what I feel when reading this....

    thank you

Quoting Nightguy_1961:
GOTD,

I hope they're good words.......because the last thing I wanted to do with this post was tick people off....


I'm sorry, absolutely no 'ticked off' here

admiration, envy are a few of them


Nightguy_1961 replies on 5/2/2006 1:52 am:
GOTD,

I understand...wish there was something I could say or do to make you smile...you are a very special lady, not just to me, but to a lot of people on this site.

MissAnnThrope 57F
11488 posts
5/2/2006 2:54 am

I have to agree with every word. I can't tell you how many times I've heard, "I want to serve you," when it turns out all they really want is for me to tie them up and have sex with them, so they don't have to do any of the work. So few actually get it.


Nightguy_1961 replies on 5/2/2006 3:11 am:
MissAnn,

Welcome, dear Lady and thank you. I have a dear Friend, BAB, who has told me the same thing...and I've seen it time and time again with Dommes...but I'm starting to see it happen with Doms as well...especially in this cyber realm.

Maybe someday, they'll get it...keep the faith...

MamChelle 49F
1443 posts
5/2/2006 3:05 am

Those questions did not tick me off or frighten me. i have been asked and done the asking of many such as these. Sometimes these line of questions has helped me in descisions of O/ones realness, and whether or not that i would be able to submit to them. And yes a questionaire nor a contract would scare me. And the idea of Your one training me isn't a fear either. i shall forgo naming the emotion that such a thought evokes.

In reading this it made me wish that there was more real Doms in this place and in my world. this girl would behave and become a lady in the right Ones care. i have been traded i have been a sex object, furniture, a pet, and many other in depth charecters...and i have been dressed and bathed as One wanted me to be, came, sit and stayed upon command... a real sub knows that getting into her head is as important as getting into her body...and owning her soul....starts with simple questions like these.


Nightguy_1961 replies on 5/2/2006 9:39 pm:
chelle,

Nice to hear that....it means a lot. I like the line "getting into her (a sub's) head is as important as getting into her body"...that hits on a lot of ideas in one stroke.

It was good talking to you earlier, darlin'...take care.

papyrina 52F
21133 posts
5/2/2006 3:10 am

definate food for thought
cats i can handle the more the better,sweeter than most humans
Cooking daily so long as banned from the computer ,i could just about do that but likes one day off a week for a posh restaurant
manicure ,pedicure already do that reguarly,as for colour no problem but hate black toes

Creams and lotions mmm so long as you apply them and bathing now that sounds like fun
Toys hehe i like them,evn monopoli and scrabble.
Your lady suonds like a very fair women so i'm sure her demands would be reasonable.
What on earth is high heel and coset training

And being treasured is surely what we would all desire in our lives,t give and to take,love,hold andbe happy.

Kisses my sweet


I'm a

and
i'm here to stay


Nightguy_1961 replies on 5/2/2006 10:13 pm:
papy,

The 'cat duty' was just an example to show that serving is much more than just sex in a 24/7 poly house. Some submissives only served a House in that type of capacity....they are taken care of very well, but again, it is a choice.

I agree with you about dining out, my lady & I enjoy the same, when our schedules permit.

I don't care for black nail polish either...my punk rock days are long behind me....red is a good color for submissives Hell, red looks good on most women!! LOL

Bathing & applying lotions is definitely fun...my lady says that she's never felt better and that she's never felt more like a real woman in her life since we've started doing this.

LOL about monopoly...cute, very cute...ever play strip monopoly?

My lady is a very fair woman, just don't get that Cajun temper of hers going...trust me on this*grins*. Her biggest fear/concern is that some submissive wannabee would get too close and hurt me in some way.

Corset/high heel training is just like it sounds: you can't expect a woman to put on a pair of 6" stilletos or put on a corset for the first time and go about her business. I've known some submissives to pass out for wearing a corset incorrectly or suffer real pain from wearing too high a heel for the first time (not a good thing). So, that's where the training comes in...starting off with a low heel that's comfortable and letting the sub work her way up...at a pace that's comfortable to her. The same with a corset...start with something comfortable and work up. Remember, wearing a corset for long periods will gradually change the physique...the waist gets smaller, the bustline lifts, and the hips narrow. But this takes time...hence the training. I think my lady & I are going to have to sit down and write blogs about this...maybe get some input from our other Lifestyle friends.

Treasuring someone who has given the precious gift of their submission should almost be second nature to a good Dominant...too bad most don't...*sighs*

libgemOH 57M/53F

5/2/2006 3:52 am

What I have discovered in the "playing" that me and my partner do is a lot like what you describe...that pride in myself to keep "his girl" something he can be proud of and being treasured and protected, but being allowed and able to fly at the same time. Far from being controlled, it is a more equitable and less controlling situation that any I have ever been in before. "Ownership" is a two way street!!

But I'm with Papy in the question, what on earth is high heel and corset training?? -B


Nightguy_1961 replies on 5/2/2006 10:15 pm:
B,

I'm glad that the two of you are having such a wonderful time with your play...hope it keeps going for y'all.

Ownership is a two way street...if one is offering themself, One must be willing to take the responsibility.

See my response to papy's comment about corset/high heel training.

Thanks, L

rm_metalmama69 43F
3878 posts
5/2/2006 3:56 am

i believe contracts and such are VERY important in this lifestyle. For my Master, i would do most, but not all of those things. He knows my fears, expectations and my limits & would not put me in a situation i was uncomfortable with.

This is a wonderful post! It is a very good idea to let aspiring subs know that this is not a joke


Nightguy_1961 replies on 5/2/2006 10:17 pm:
The issue of contracts...or an actual document that outlines what can and can't be done...is an issue that has been discussed for quite awhile now.

In our case, my lady & I don't use a contract...but we did answer the questionarre outlining what we liked, disliked, and were interested in...and it helped out, even though we've been together for over 7 years as a couple.

Thanks for your comment...I do appreciate it.

rm_PeanutJackie 37F
1286 posts
5/2/2006 4:42 am

I agree, this is an absolutely wonderful post. I am ready to serve! Out of all those things, the only thing I know I would not be able to do would be to not look at anyone without your permission. And that's thanks to my ADHD which has my mind constantly running in every direction and my eyes never truly able to focus on just ONE thing.

I agree with MamChelle, I wish there were more Dominants like You. Luckily though, I found one who I am extremely compatible with and does treasure me like a fine jewel.

Again, thank you for posting this. I do love reading about the Lifestyle. Please tell me though, what is WIITWD?

"I am beautiful no matter what you say, words can't bring me down. So don't you bring me down today."


Nightguy_1961 replies on 5/2/2006 10:20 pm:
And that one thing is something that should be talked over with your Dominant...nothing is ever carved in stone...except those things that are off limits...and even then, things change.

I'm glad that you've found One that treasures you...I wish you all the best in your Journey.

WIITWD is an acronym for What It Is That We Do...a phrase created by a group of Lady Dominants here in the South. A good Friend uses it when I speak with her...and I kind of picked up on it. Hope that explained it good enough for you...

Thanks for your comment....

rm_embwizard 52F
14 posts
5/2/2006 5:04 am

Most of the things you mention I naturally do just subconsciously. I remember being at the in-laws for dinner once, everyone had finished eating so I got up and started collecting the dishes and things, my master handed me his cup and when I returned with his after dinner coffee his cousin looked at me and said WTF was that. I asked what she meant, and she said he never even asked what are you doing waiting on him like that. Her mother just laughed and told her to mind her own business, he had been lucky enough to find a good woman and if she paid attention she may learn something. All I can say is it's my nature to please.


Nightguy_1961 replies on 5/2/2006 10:23 pm:
Hooray for the mother!!!

True incident: Last Thanksgiving, my lady brought me my plate, took it back when I was doen, and when I mentioned something about something to drink, she got up and got me a glass of wine without a word. Her kids and their significant others shot sideways glances to each other, but didn't say one word.

My lady & I have had some 'interesting' conversations with our kids...but they're old enough to sit down and explain....we hope.

Thanks for your comments...

ohcurious14 60M  
1684 posts
5/2/2006 5:57 am

I find it amazing that only yesterday i found myself in a similiar situation of having a lady friend of mine ask me if i would kindly explain the lifestyle to her and help her understand the many facets of it. And i explained much as you just did NG. This Sir appreciates your wisdom.


Nightguy_1961 replies on 5/2/2006 10:26 pm:
I'm glad that you did such a good job explaining the Lifestyle.

And this Sir appreciates your comments...thank you.

angelofmercy5 60F
17881 posts
5/2/2006 6:43 am

And this was a fascinating glimpse into your world. It intrigues me greatly....even though I do not think I could be a sub. I could answer yes to most of your questions....but I wouldn't be good at some of them on a daily basis. The part of this lifestyle that I didn't know before coming here to AdultFriendFinder is being treated as a precious jewel....as a knight would protect his lady. I admire that part of your relationship. Thank you for a great post!


Nightguy_1961 replies on 5/2/2006 10:28 pm:
angel,

Different individuals would require different types of questions...I was just speaking in more of a general sense, but I hope I got the gist of the message across.

Thank you for your kind words...take care....

wickedeasy 68F  
30968 posts
5/2/2006 8:30 am

some tuths about being a sub:

it isn't for the weak -
it isn't a place to hide from the world
or get someone else to pay your bills
it isn't all about your sexual pleasure
it isn't about being a pet, a bitch, a slut

what it is about is respect, communication, honesty, profound trust

said from atop my high horse

grins

easy

You cannot conceive the many without the one.


Nightguy_1961 replies on 5/2/2006 10:29 pm:
Thank you, my friend...once again, you've condensed my ramblings down into a few powerful words....now you know why I love you.

Come down off that horse!!! You'll hurt yourself if you fall!!!

*grins*

NGs_lady 65F
762 posts
5/2/2006 9:35 am

My Love it is about time you let people know what a wonderful Sir/Person you are. They do not realize you help me keep my skin soft to Your touch. That you keep my toe nails and finger nails done so I look nice, and all the wonderful caring things you do. I am glad You have put this out for people to see and understand.

With love respect and gratitude for You being You

NGs_lady/Lady Stee

Maybe now people will realize why i am so proud to ware the name
NightGuy's_lady


Nightguy_1961 replies on 5/2/2006 10:31 pm:
I wasn't trying to promote myself...I was just answering a question, one that I felt was hanging out there waiting to be answered.

I do love and treasure you so much....

MaggiesWishes 61F

5/2/2006 1:23 pm

Tisk, I'm so sheltered & southern.
I keep learning something new all the time.

This was very insightful, respectful and again, Mrs NGs_Lady spells it out perfectly.

warm huggies to you both


Nightguy_1961 replies on 5/2/2006 10:36 pm:
Nothing wrong with being Southern, darlin'...it's a blessing *grins*

I'm pleased that you've learned something new...hope you keep learning, because one never stops learning.

My lady knows how to spell it out, now doesn't she?

Hugs to you, pretty lady....

jadedbabe78 107F

5/2/2006 1:36 pm

Very insightful post. And good for you for opening it up and sharing the details about it. It is so misunderstood. Hell, I learned a few things.

And I will say this...I would suck at being a sub, lol. I'm too damn lazy and mouthy! lol And I mean in the home.

But I respect anyone who can actually commit.

Kudos!

~Jadey


Nightguy_1961 replies on 5/2/2006 10:37 pm:
Jadey,

I'm glad you enjoyed it...and there's nothing wrong with just playing every now and then. Or, have you ever considered that maybe being a Dominant might suit you? Think about it....

Thanks for your comments....

tillerbabe 57F

5/2/2006 8:51 pm

"Are you ready to be treasured, like some precious jewel? Are you ready to be protected, as a knight would protect his lady? Are you ready to have your senses expanded, like they've never been expanded before? Are you ready to fly?"

{bg bgcolor=FFCCFF]This is the core of why I "belong"... Great post![/bg]


Nightguy_1961 replies on 5/2/2006 10:40 pm:
tiller,

Thank you so very much...coming from you, that means so much!!!

So, when are you coming to visit us here in the South? *grins*

Love you, darlin'...

BadAssBlonde1 58F
4989 posts
5/2/2006 10:32 pm

NG,

Well said and thought out. Petitions are a must for me as well as checklist. It details the inner self and actually indicates whether the potential submissive is worthy of the challenge. The next thing for me is to see if they will fit or blend in with my House. As we have discussed, many do not really understand what they are asking for. They think that it is a cake walk and get caught up in the fantasy of play. Most do not fully understand the meaning of "Service" ... This is where education comes in and even after that, I have found very few that meet the critera. What I call, a true "submissive/slave/servant heart" I always require that the potential reveal their "wants, needs and desires" upfront. It is one thing to talk the talk but to walk that walk ... twenty-five, eight is another thing. I have found very few that are able to do this. From what I have observed over the years, many do not understand joining a Poly House. They do not understand the capacity of our "Family" My Main Beef with those that petition is many leave out the word that I require "Service" and the Want, Need and Desire to do such. In return for their dedication; they are nurtured with love deeper than most relationships I see in todays Society.

Those girls that are requesting to "serve" please make sure they know how, or at least know the meaning of it. It's hell when the House gets all side ways, as you have seen.

For all Time with Love,
Lady Hunter


After all the sex is gone, there is the mind - Lady Hunter / BAB

Copyright © House of Lady Hunter 1998-2009


Nightguy_1961 replies on 5/2/2006 10:46 pm:
BAB,

I have learned so much from our conversations that, if I were to try and write it down, I'd take up too much computer space.

You are absolutely right...too many people get caught up in just the play...and there's nothing wrong with that...as long as they are honest with themselves and don't try to pass themselves off as a "24/7" Lifestyler. Because you, my lady, and I (along with many others) know that a 24/7 relationship, especially in a poly House, entails so much more.

Thank you so very much...I do appreciate all that you do and all that you represent. Keep on keepin' it real, darlin'

curious082385 32F
4925 posts
5/3/2006 5:49 am

I'm with GOTD on this one. Trembling and too many things in my head to sort them out into a coherent response. So for now, I will just thank you for sharing so deeply with us.


Nightguy_1961 replies on 5/3/2006 7:34 am:
curious,

I hope I haven't either confused you or scared you...that was not my intent whatsoever....and you're quite welcome...

rm_Kissmystuff 62F
1435 posts
5/3/2006 9:36 am

NG...

There's much confusion within me. I will try to explain why..in a way that won't take up too much space. Some of it may be uncomfortable for some people to hear. But please be patient with me.

I am both fascinated and fearful of such a life style. In my outside life..I've had to be the strong one..the manager..the care taker..the boss. I get tired..and want to be cherished. I am strong willed..outspoken and have always questioned authority. My mouth has gotten me into trouble on more occasions than I can count. But oh..for the man who could tame me..in a gentle way. But then again..there are those times..when the dominate comes out in me.

History is something I research..and write about..on other sites. The words slavery and submission carry an ugly connotation for me. While reason tells me..this..BDSM..in essence has nothing to do with color or race..my emotions say something differently. I've posted some things on my own blog that have to do with BDSM..not from a position of knowledge..but more of a question and searching. (gulping as I press the post button..do I reveal too much?)

Kiss

Kiss


Nightguy_1961 replies on 5/4/2006 9:10 pm:
Kiss,

It is completely understandable to have confusion about the Lifestyle; a lot of people who've been in the Lifestyle for years still have moments of confusion. The key is to know yourself...from what you've posted here, the idea of submitting to a strong, yet gentle individual appeals to you, somewhat. You could try it with someone you trust...and see where it goes from there.

I am a bit of an armchair historian myself, and I understand the negative connotations with the word 'slavery'. I had a long conversation with another Dom one night online and we were discussing how a Lifestyle House was set up along the lines of the old English Manors of the 18th century (where you had a Lord who oversaw all, with subordinates who oversaw aspects of the Manor, but still were subserviant to the Lord of the Manor). The idea of using the Southern plantations of the 19th century was brought up, but we both agreed that there were too many negative images from that example to use it as a 'model'.

Try to view the word 'slave' in another type of light...as is 'a slave to your desires...a slave to your passions'...I know, probably doesn't mean much, but it is just a word...it depends on the use as to whether or not it is negative or positive.

Thank you for your comment...I do appreciate it.

ButteryDelight 59F

5/6/2006 3:55 pm

Thank you Night, for your insightful writtings. And thank you too, to WickedEasy for the suggestion to read them.

Nothing you said frightened me or scared me away from my interest in BDSM. I do not judge, lest I be judged. I am but a seeker of knowledge. Yes, there is a lot of miss-information out there. I have moments of great confusion..such as when someone says "I am ready to be tied up and had sex with". I have read that this is not about sex but is much more. And I have discovered through my readings that I know NOTHING about BDSM, and that what I thought is was..it is not. Discovering this might have turned another person away. It has not turned me away.

You said that you asked and it was important for the submissive to know what it is they want. I honestly don't know. Oh, I have fantasies like we all do. But, those aside...I only know I want the caring, and attention you talked about in the above paragraphs. I want to discover what it is I need that I am not getting right now in my life. I want to trust someone with me, my heart or personality, my needs, my mind and I want to know that person will cherish and protect what I have given to him.

Thank you for listening to the ramblings of a newbie,
Butterfly


Nightguy_1961 replies on 5/6/2006 9:32 pm:
Butterfly,

Thank you for visiting....there's nothing wrong with asking questions; that's how we learn.

To find out what you want, you have to just sit down and think about it: what do I like, what am I curious about trying, what tittilates me, what scares me, what will push my limits, etc, etc.

I completely understand about trust...I think that all of us desire that. It just takes time and patience and understanding.

I don't mind one bit if you ramble...go right ahead

NG61

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