Clarification Part I  

NGs_lady 65F
419 posts
6/2/2006 3:46 pm

Last Read:
6/6/2006 11:09 am

Clarification Part I

In the past, my Sir & I have asked about our relationship; How W/we deal with our life & Lifestyle and how does it work in everyday life?

I think it's time things were set straight.

NG61 & I are married in real time. He is my Sir; I am his collared submissive. With this being said, We do have an open relationship. I will say this has been questioned lately. People that are not in our type of relationship may not understand; so, to clarify, when you are husband & wife, there is love, but when you add Sir/sub, well, you see, you add a whole new level of love, admiration, and respect. You go through another falling in love & getting to know each other. During this time, people usually take time alone to talk & to learn to experiment with each other. It is like a courting time; you will find feelings you didn’t know you had. A submissive may get greedy and they may also get possessive. I have been told this is normal. During this time, it may be discussed if it will be just the two of them, or if others will join. Yes, this is known as a poly house. The submissive needs to think "Can they share there Sir? How will the sharing go? Will it be just scening or will it also be sexual?" Big questions need big & complete answers...well thought out answers.

This is also a mistake people have about what we do. BDSM does not always lead to sex. A Dom/me can go to a party or club, and flog, spank, crop, or cane a submissive, and not have sex. A lot of Dominants & submissives have significant others and do not have sex with anyone but them.

With this being said, people need to also need to realize that I am submissive to my Sir only. I have (as I've said before) been in the Lifestyle for over 30 years; my Sir for over 20 years. We have been together for over 7 years; but have only started our 24/7 journey as D/s for less than a year. In this time, we have made a lot of discoveries together. I received my collar in December '05, but this does not mean I have given up my Domme side.

This has not caused us any problems as of yet. We have done the one thing that all couples must do: we have talked about it. If you are man & wife; you would (or should) talk about everything. So why do you believe a Dom and sub should not do the same thing? We actually have more to talk about than a vanilla couple, imho. I am not being disrespectful, but sit and talk. Of course, this should have been done in the beginning of the relationship.

Set standards and limit for each of you. Talk about how these limits will be handled, how they will be pushed, and when. Are these limits for training, toys, pain, or what? Duties should be set; again, talk about it...what and when?

Who will work? Who will not? How will money be handled? Who pays the bills? Who makes the shopping list? Who goes and gets the shopping done? All these things are discussed and finalized.

To be continued...

©NGs_lady/Lady Stee

PurplePeach72 45F  
9199 posts
6/2/2006 4:21 pm

So glad to see you are back, and thank you for sharing so much of your life with us. I am new to the BDSM lifestyle but my husband and I have had an open marriage for awhile now. Our communication skills are enhanced by the need to keep each other appraised of our thoughts and feelings. We are slowly but eagerly exploring and learning about BDSM and you and NG61 are great role models and ambassadors for the lifestyle. I look forward to learning so very much from you.
Thanks again,
{=}LeeAnn & steve


NGs_lady replies on 6/3/2006 7:48 am:
Try keeping a Jurnal, both of you. Let each other read what your thoughts were for the day. Just an idea

peaches19555 62M

6/2/2006 6:07 pm

A bedrock principal of Christianity is servanthood. Christ repeatedly stressed the great strength of submission. Not only submission to him but submission to others. Have you ever considered that they only thing that seperates much of what you do from that of a dedicated Christian are motivations. I say motivations assuming yours are for nightguy and not necessarily for God.

No greater love hath a man for his brother than to die for him.
If a man slaps you on right cheek turn to him your left.
Blessed are the peace makers, the humble, the meek, the low in spirit.
If a man asks you to walk with him a mile, walk with him a second.
The first shall be last and the last first.

The list could go on. I find this connection fascinating. Should I wear leather to church this Sunday? (smile)

Thanks for sharing

NGs_lady replies on 6/3/2006 12:52 pm:
Interesting viewpoint

Thank you for your comment, but my Sir & I avoid discussions about religion and politics whenever we can...too much drama with family members LOL

Thanks again...

NGs_lady/Lady Stee

GoddessOfTheDawn 106F
11240 posts
6/3/2006 1:11 am

another great post. Thank you so much for sharing.

njoy your weekend

NGs_lady replies on 6/3/2006 7:50 am:
Thank you I just put down what I think people need to hear and understand.

ButteryDelight 59F

6/3/2006 9:59 am


I am reading blogs for information. Yours has been very helpful. Thank you.

Buttery Delight

NGs_lady replies on 6/3/2006 12:45 pm:
Glad to be of service.

BadAssBlonde1 58F
4989 posts
6/3/2006 10:51 am

I am pleased to see you writing it down and sharing with others. As we have discussed, the feelings experienced in the beginning of a D's relationship are those to be addressed, immediately. All that must be in tact prior to even contemplating a Poly House. You must be comfortable with your own relationship and confident that it is stable. On many occasions this is overlooked and typically ends in a mess from what I have experienced over the years, while working with Couples; new or those that have hit a pot hole in their relationship. It is not that difficult to see through where the problem stems from. My basic philosophy of different equals should reduce or eliminate any fears or unanswered thoughts.

Excellent point about sex and it not necessarily being a key factor. As you have witnessed by those that serve me, service is key. Mind you, that does not mean that affection is not exchanged such as a special red kiss ... My colours' displayed, etc. etc. For me, there is only one that shares My bed and that is known within the Family. Of course, unless you are here *grin* and that is a special occasion.

All in all, I have found that time is the only thing that makes it so and being actively involved.

Many of the decisions that have to be made just come naturally, IMO. As we both have witnessed, this is an ongoing challenge; which is what life consist of. I agree that talk is a necessity. However, after it is all said, there needs to be some "doing"

New Ground rules are being displayed at the Manor. Thus far, everyone has taken the "Round Table" discussions well. I'll give you a call here shortly. I was in the midst of laying new foundation when we briefly spoke last night. The old one had a few cracks that needed to be filled in. Did you get your collar repaired?

Until then sweetheart...Great Post! For all Time; with love and hugs, your Sister

Lady Hunter {=} - Taking care of Business prior to the Social this evening.

After all the sex is gone, there is the mind - Lady Hunter / BAB

Copyright © House of Lady Hunter 1998-2009

NGs_lady replies on 6/3/2006 12:49 pm:
Hope all is going well at the Manor. Looking forward to spending more time with you all in the future.

I was just hoping to give a few hints into the life as we do it.

Love and hugs to all

NGs_lady / Lady Stee

wickedeasy 68F  
31321 posts
6/4/2006 9:34 am

bows to lady - as ever ......well said and insighftul

this one "tells it like it is" folks

sneaks in a hug

You cannot conceive the many without the one.

NGs_lady replies on 6/5/2006 10:29 am:
Thank you I try to "tell it like it is" I just hope people listen.

sportsfan362436 48F

6/4/2006 11:56 pm

this one is extremely thankful that You and Ng Sir share so much of Your knowledge and are both willing to teach those of us who are eager to learn. My only hope is that one day this one can have the priveledge of meeting You both in r/t.

*Smiles, kisses n hugz*

NGs_lady replies on 6/5/2006 10:34 am:
Knowledge is only good if you are willing to shier it with others in my way of thinking. As far sa meeting my back stroke isn't that good yet, but I'm still working on it.

ohcurious14 60M  
1684 posts
6/6/2006 6:56 am

I understand this completely. It's a deja vu.
Great Clarification, Lady.

NGs_lady replies on 6/6/2006 11:10 am:
Thank you

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