Why Do Men Always Have to Make the First Move?  

Mystical_Phantom 48M
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6/24/2006 10:16 am

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7/5/2006 11:24 am

Why Do Men Always Have to Make the First Move?

Some time ago a fellow members here at AdultFriendFinder who is a 22-year-old year man living in the U.K. wrote a question in the advice line that caught my attention. To the best of my recollection his question was why is it that we men always have to approach women first?

Professionally, I am a geologist and I work as a consultant for a Geotechnical firm. I have a Bachelor of Science and Master of Science in geology, but my true intellectual passion has always been anthropology. In addition to my credentials in geology, I have a Bachelor of Art in anthropology and I am currently working on the completion of my graduate degree in a sub-discipline of biological anthropology called “Human Behavioral Ecology”.

People sometimes ask me what it is that we do in Human Behavioral Ecology and my answer is simply that we study human behavior and we try to understand it from an evolutionary standpoint.

So while geology helps me pay for my bread and butter, anthropology remains my true passion in life. For me, nothing is more interesting (intellectually that is) than the story of humans and how and why we have evolved to where we are. We humans truly are a marvelous if not the ultimate work of 3 billion years of the evolutionary process of life on Earth.

Now before I get to romantic here let me get back to the main question that I wanted to talk about which was why it is that we men always have to be the first ones to approach women.

In our research we have come to understand that a great deal of human behavior maybe “gene driven” or instinctive. In other words, a great deal of our tendency to behave in a certain way is encoded in our genes and is thus considered as being hardwired into our heads from the moment we are born. For these feeling to evolve within us there must have been an advantage, an incentive or benefit in the evolutionary past.

Indeed, instinctive or gene driven behavior may be responsible for the propensity of many of our day to day feelings, such as love, hate, anger, disgust, happiness, sexual jealousy, etc. (I will discuss why we humans especially we men feel sexual jealousy in another upcoming article). In other words we may be born with many of these feelings. This unfortunately is an extremely politically incorrect thing to say these days which is the reason why Human Behavioral Ecologist are constantly coming under attack from the left and right wing groups.

We men inherently want to have sex with as many women as we can possibly get away with. Anthropologists refer to this as the “The Coolidge Effect” and please keep in mind that the evolution of human sexual psychology has always revolved around the principles of successful mate selection and reproduction.

The “Coolidge Effect” is also the reason why there are 10 times more men on this site than there are women. Now, let’s talk about why the “majority” of women don’t make the first move.

Simply stated, throughout the “evolutionary past” a woman has always had more to loose in a sexual encounter than a man. What would happen as a result of sexual union between a man and a woman? (I mean other than sexual pleasure) The answer is of course a child.

Of the two parents, which one is always, more inclined to look after and raise the child? The answer is of course “the mother”. So, moms are not only burdened with nine months of gestation period (another word for pregnancy) they are also the primary support and caretakers of children especially during the weaning period. Most people don’t know this, but human females spend far more energy (calories) nursing their children in the first two years of the weaning period than they would during the nine months of pregnancy.

So, through millions of years of human evolution, women have learned to become very cautious and selective about their mates, because the consequences of sex has always been far more greater and dangerous to them then they would be to a man and this has become part of a woman’s natural instinct. This may also be the reason why women seek men who are willing to commit to long-term relationships, as they are instinctively seeking high quality males that are willing to make a long term commitments in helping them raise their children.

My professor always likes to use this example to illustrate his point which is: Imagine an average looking woman approaching an average looking man whom she doesn’t know and asks him to have sex with her. What are the chances that the man will refuse? Probably not very high. The man will probably jump up and down with joy.

Now imagine an average looking man approaching an average looking woman whom he doesn’t know and asks her to have sex with him. What are the chances that the woman will refuse? Probably very high, in fact, she might even slap him in the face.

Sex for women (IN THE EVOLUTIONARY PAST and long before the advent of modern contraceptives) has always been more consequential. Sex for women could have resulted in 9 months of pregnancy with a good possibility of death during childbirth and 12 to 18 years of investment in raising a child.

For us men however, the most we have to loose in a sexual encounter with a woman is 15 minutes of pleasure and a tablespoon of starch and then it’s adios. Thank god for that marvelous invention called contraceptives, because now we can cheat Mother Nature in her own game. Mother Nature made sex into a pleasurable act so that we humans have a strong incentive to get together and reproduce. We can now cheat Mother Nature by enjoying sex and not reproducing. In many respects we humans seem to be born cheaters, but that is another theory that anthropologists call “The Machiavellian Monkey” and I will tell you about it in another article.


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