MistressSorrow 55F
5 posts
7/27/2006 5:03 pm

Last Read:
7/28/2006 4:32 am


I'm starting to get a little nervous as I've seem to have dropped out of touch with someone that is very dear to me. I keep getting the feeling he is very depressed and needs to talk it out. Only he doesn't want to talk it out with me as he's upset with me.

I've an inkling what it might be about but it's nothing that should really have thrown him, especially not this hard. It was just a photo of me hugging a friend. He knows about this person, I've never hid it. It's no big deal. I'd call but it's the middle of the night where he's at and Idon't want to wake him if he sleeping. Or more rather I don't want to wake his family, waking him I'd not have a problem with.

Our relationship/friendship whatever you want to call it has had several ups and downs. Some of them my fault , some of them his. I use to be completely and totally honest with him, tell him everything, until one day a couple years ago I found out he had a little secret. Someone he didn't want me to know about , I was floored , absolutely stunned and gutted. It was then I lost faith in him. He wouldn't let me confront her, wouldn't let me let her know that he was mine. I was just his dirty little secret that he kept all to himself. To be hidden away and drug out only when it suited him.

We had talked of marriage, of children, of things that "normal" people would never dream of . Things were complicated, but I was so close to throwing everything I had worked for so hard in my life away just to be with him. The only thing that was stopping me was the age difference and he had almost had me convinced it didn't matter.

I closed myself down to him that day. Stopped being totally honest and telling him everything. So many things he didn't need to know. So many levels of my heart he didn't need to have access to anymore. I've slowly shut him out of my life, built a wall around myself, a little at a time, and each little bit hurts. It's like cutting bits of yourself off. I just can't seem to let him go .......not entirely.

Funny thing......his new friend ....she was married ......with a child. He didn't know, he thought she was single and was planning on spending a few weeks with her, seeing if she was "the one". I guess she was planning on dumping the child on family and ditching the hubbie while she had her little fling. Funny how the cat tends to slip out of the bag, isn't it.

I just know he's terribly upset. I keep hearing the song "Broken" in my mind. I know it's him. It worries me and it hurts that he won't contact me.

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