And The Winner Is...  

MissAnnThrope 57F
11679 posts
7/19/2006 11:51 am

Last Read:
7/31/2008 10:15 pm

And The Winner Is...

No one won. What went wrong next?


We had a bitch of a storm last night. The kind of storm that makes people who love to stand in open windows and watch storms afraid. The last time I saw wind like that was during Hurricane Ivan.

The storm hadn't been raging for even five minutes when I started hearing sirens. Lots of sirens. The sirens and the emergency vehicles were up and down my street until about 2 AM. But in the bottom of the ninth, with the scored tied 4-4 in the Mariners/Yankees game,


Yes, I am whining. There is more than the TV to the cable here. The open router in the building? Cable connection! I WAS CUT OFF FROM THE WORLD!

But at first, I didn't know it was really out, in the sense that at least ten towns had their cable go out last night. I started flipping around the channels, getting the, "One Moment Please. This channel will be available shortly" message. Then on channel 1, it gave me a Meta-6 error. Normally when I get that, the box needs to be reset.

So I call. And I get someone who is at the end of his shift and doesn't want to take too many calls. People tend to get nasty when their cable goes out. So we hang out chatting for 45 minutes, while he keeps trying to reset the box. Bloomfield wasn't officially out yet, you see.

What are the odds that when I called, I would get the one political junkie in the office? I did. One who seems to hang out on Democratic Underground, as he knew exactly what I was talking about when I said something about Freepers thinking "The Daily Show" is a tool of the far left.

But this led him to tell me something that I figured was an urban legend among those working in the cable industry. What he told me is, the rumor is, when Cheney walks into a room, he has three conditions. The room temperature must be 72 F, (hey, if I could get away with it, I'd insist a room be between 68 and 70.) all the lights must be on and the TV must be tuned to Fox News.

OK, so the first thing I did was check Snopes when the cable came back. Nothing there. So I Googled "Dick Cheney" +Fox and what comes up? A link to The Smoking Gun.

OK, so this guy had the facts a bit wrong. Dick Cheney does have a set of demands while he's on the road. And far more demands than that. From the document the Advance Office sent to a hotel:

Queen or King-sized bed, in a connecting room to the parlor.

Desk with chair.

Private bathroom.

All lights turned on.

All televisions tuned to Fox News in advance of arrival.


Coffee pot in suite. The decaf should be brewed, warm and waiting when he gets checked in.

Container for ice.

4-6 Bottles of water.

4 cans of Caffeine-Free Diet Sprite.

Calistoga or Perrier, if Mrs. Cheney is traveling with him.

Hotel Restaurant Menu.

OK, a few things on this list struck me as odd. How many hotel suites come with twin or full sized beds? When was the last time you were even in a no-tell motel that didn't have a desk and chair? Are there actually hotels with suites that make you use a communial bathroom? The only place I've ever seen a communial bathroom is in a hostel. Microwave? Hey Dick, isn't that hazardous to your pacemaker? Coffee pot? You know, even Holiday Inns now have coffee pots in rooms for guests. You have to be staying at a Motel 6 or something not to get that these days. Caffeine-Free Diet Sprite? Isn't Sprite naturally caffeine free? While it says caffeine free on the cans, Sprite has never had caffeine in it. Perrier water? When this administration wants the proles to boycott the French, Mrs. Cheney is drinking Perrier? Do as I say, not as I do, eh Lynn? Finally, doesn't every hotel put the restaurant menu in every room and then call it room service?

I can actually understand all the lights on in the suite before he arrives, but I would think one of the duties of the Secret Service would be to check out the room before he arrives. He is second in command, after all. I can't imagine they have some underpaid hotel maid checking the room before hand.

But getting back on track. No TV, no Internet, two of my Netflix in transit, I give cuteNEway a call and the first thing I scream in her ear is, "I'M CUT OFF FROM THE WORLD!" We talk, until the battery starts to go on the cordless. OK, not force, but whine until she does. Thanks to the rain delay and extra innings, the game wasn't over until very late. The Yankees won in the 11th. Then I settle down to watch the other movie I have out, "Ravenous."

Now, the guy at Comcast told me the cable should be back on by midnight. It's now well after midnight as I'm settling in to watch. When it's over, still no cable. I watch most of the special features. I start watching the commentary by the director and writer, but it isn't holding my interest. Still no cable.

At this point, I'm thinking, "midnight where?" in reference to the cable. Then I rediscover an old favorite game. Spider Solitaire. I had forgotten it existed. The next thing I knew, the sun was up. Still no cable.

Well, the cable finally came back after noon. So midnight on the other side of the world, was the proper answer to, "midnight where?"

Well, it could have been worse. The power could have gone out too. In spite of the temperature dropping 30 degrees outside, it was still balmy enough in here to need the air conditioning, as after the storm, there was no breeze whatsoever.

rm_saintlianna 46F
15466 posts
7/19/2006 12:19 pm

That is weird, asking for things he would be getting anyways
Signs of a screw loose perhaps. Next thing you know he will accidentally shoot someone.

Btw, Ravenous is one of my favorite movies of all times. Gotta love those cannibals!

MissAnnThrope replies on 7/19/2006 12:56 pm:
Hey, it just goes to show how out of touch with the real world the White House has become. I'm just wondering if we can send him hunting with Karl Rove next time.

I loved Ravenous. I can't believe I never saw it before, or even heard of it until my sister told me I had to see it.

glidecc 43M  
1214 posts
7/19/2006 12:22 pm


Those demands don't sound too bad. Those are the types of things that hotel staff can find a lot more quickly than a guest can. The Fox news thing sounded a little outlandish at first but it would only take a second for the staff to tune it in while they're in the room, setting the other things up. A guest however probably wouldn't be as familiar with the local channel line-up and would have to hunt for it.

MissAnnThrope replies on 7/19/2006 12:58 pm:
Yeah, but hotels tend to have cards telling you what station is what. Then again, I'm assuming the Secret Service or even Dick Cheney knows how to operate a light switch. I just think it's odd that while they badmouth the French and tell Americans to boycott and there are people stupid enough to go with the boycott, that Lynn Cheney needs Perrier.

MissAnnThrope 57F
11488 posts
7/19/2006 1:22 pm

Would someone tell me WHY an entire sentence went missing from this post? I mentioned I forced cute to follow the Yankees game on a certain Sports website named after a race from Gulliver's Travels, where the game play by play refreshs every 30 seconds. That sentence is missing from the post! It sure as hell wasn't my edit.

(What the fuck is this shit..?? *rolls eyes*)

7/19/2006 1:22 pm

Just remember it's only Wedesday and all hell could still break lose...

Or to really mess with Your head shit could start going RIGHT then what the hell will you do..??..Ready


MissAnnThrope replies on 7/20/2006 10:44 am:
Ha ha ha... Here's the tally so far... One ashtray knocked over, because a visitor left it on the floor.

The modem arrived today. I just got it hooked up. It's working. At least, with the wireless. As they don't send the CD or instructions anymore, I have to call them to configure it for wired. Yeah, if the route dies I'll go sit on hold for an hour.

The a/c is all working, but it's a chilly 81 F today, I don't know why I have it on, instead of just opening windows.

I did almost reinjure myself when UPS rang the bell, as I didn't want to miss him, I was icing my ankle and foot and I didn't have the cast on. By the time I got to the door, he had let himself in and was at my door. The old driver used to make us go downstairs. Of course, the old driver used to arrive between 12 and 1, not 1 and 2. So I didn't think it would arrive today.

I still have my cane.

I'm still not pregnant.

So you have one out of six... 16%... Hey, you're doing better than Miss Cleo!

glidecc 43M  
1214 posts
7/19/2006 1:25 pm

I've seen worse demands. I mean he's not demanding cocaine on a hooker's navel or M&M's with the brown ones removed.

MissAnnThrope replies on 7/20/2006 10:45 am:
I know the brown M&M thing was Van Halen, but who demanded cocaine off a hooker's navel? And wouldn't that request go straight to the escort service and not the hotel? Oh, what am I saying? Cheney can't go skiing anymore. It would throw his pacemaker out of whack.

NickRules999 40M
9464 posts
7/19/2006 4:04 pm

Dick Cheney demands all that? Well, I guess being the vice president does have it's perks. And this is the same guy who shot his friend in the face with a shotgun only months ago. A long time ago, Alexander Hamilton got shot in a duel. This poor son of a bitch was mistaken for a bird.

I'm sorry to hear about your cable. I hate being without cable. I hate being without satelite, for that matter. There was a time I was without cable for several months. There was no way for me to watch my wrestling, so I asked my neighbours to tape it for me. We couldn't afford to pay the bill coz my stepdad though buying pot was more important than paying bills. Good thing we moved out.

Come into my realm! You aren't afraid...are you?

MissAnnThrope replies on 7/20/2006 10:57 am:
It isn't so much the demands are unreasonable, it's the fact the demands are so out of touch with reality. Demanding things that the hotels already provide. I'm guessing the hand-written notations on the newspapers are the ones the hotel supplies to guests and he wanted them all. Which isn't unreasonable either. I've been in hotels where there's a free newspaper at your door in the morning, whether you want it or not. The only thing I find unreasonable is, brainwashing those who already can't think for themselves to harm economic relations with a country, (France,) and then insist on bottled water from that country. I do find it odd a man with a pacemaker would insist there be a microwave in the room. You're not supposed to go near those things with a pacemaker.

I went two years without cable. It wasn't an issue. I had a huge fight with RCN over them not billing me for my internet connection and I ended up cut off. Oh, they sent a bill, I discovered days later. In e-mail with the wrong date on it. By wrong date, I mean wrong year. As I hadn't scrolled to the top of my e-mail, I didn't see the bill from them dated 1989. So in the process of the fight, I told them they could have their cable TV service too. They took me seriously. Heh. The next day, no TV. All I missed was baseball. Then again, they were the crappiest cable company ever. All of 64 channels they wanted an arm and a leg for. The full package costs less here, with several hundred channels and the digital music no one ever listens too.

rm_kelli4u2dew 42F
5220 posts
7/19/2006 8:01 pm

Considering that Cheney always reminded me of something out of an H.P. Lovecraft novel, I can see where he'd be afraid of the dark ...

And btw, at Rdy's request ... It is done. Gird your loins and prepare for the onslaught, for I have rallied the forces of Maledom to come to the aid of their sorely beset brethren ...

MissAnnThrope replies on 7/20/2006 10:59 am:
Yes, but if he was going through the change, wouldn't he also insist the bathtub be filled on arrival too? I wonder if anyone still has a mirror of "Who will be eaten first?" on their sites. Mine disappeared when I forgot to renew CthulhuCult.

ah... Poor unlimited. He's not going to know what hit him.

LustyTaurus 49M
21253 posts
7/19/2006 11:40 pm

I'm going to start faxing a list of requirements ahead of my arrival to any hotel......I'll call myself The Honorable Suchnsuch of Somewhere reallyimportantthatyoucan'tspell hotel boy!!...

MissAnnThrope replies on 7/20/2006 11:03 am:
Depending on the hotel, you can probably do that without giving yourself a fake title. But a few will bend over backwards if they think they have someone really important.

cuteNEway 42F

7/20/2006 1:40 am

>>cuteNEway is still too traumatized from being forced to follow the yankees to comment<<


tee hee

MissAnnThrope replies on 7/20/2006 11:05 am:
Yeah, yeah. It was ever so traumatic. What the hell were you still doing up at 4:40 AM, girlie?

TheCliticals 36F/F

7/20/2006 1:57 am

This might bother me if I actually believed that Dick Chaney was a real person


PS How can we all help cuteNEway get a new job?

MissAnnThrope replies on 7/20/2006 11:10 am:
I just pretend he's not human, but some form of demon spawn and that helps me along.

Um, depending on the kind of job, you could start sleeping with hiring managers and CEOs from this area. While you're at it, could you find me a few submissives who will clean and not expect me to stand and beat them after they're done? I'm a bit too off-balance to abuse them with the sprained ankle and besides, they only want sessions, not to actually serve. hmmm... Maybe I should give up such an iffy career and just have you sleep with CEOs, so I can become vice president of Human Resources somewhere. I do have the proper sadistic streak.

OboesHonedIambs 63F

7/20/2006 9:30 pm

You have my sympathies. My Comcast was out from 4 yesterday afternoon til sometime today. Ok, I cleaned out a lot of old dead files and "kibble", but t'wasn't the same. I called 'em when I got my new debit card to change it and the rep documented a change, but they still had the old card number.

Instant Human -- Just Add Coffee

MissAnnThrope replies on 7/20/2006 10:01 pm:
See, I let them send me a bill, instead of direct debit. I don't know why. I know how you feel, though. I thought about cleaning out files, but decided to play solitaire and watch a movie instead.

RevJoseyWales 70M/67F
14393 posts
7/21/2006 8:25 am

What? No shotgun? Cheney is the Anti-Christ, and snorts ground up communion wafers. Could you let me know the female blogger kelli's refering too? Way too tired and too stoned to figure it out. Fucking yankees anyway. Just kidding Darlin'. Well no, I'm not. B ut what can you expect from a southern boy? Joe

"McVeigh had the right idea, wrong address."

"This ain't Dodge City, and you ain't Bill Hickok."

MissAnnThrope replies on 7/21/2006 8:10 pm:
Wake and bake, eh?

Now about the gun... He just wrestles the Secret Service guards to the ground and steals their handguns. And what do you have against The Yankees?

HBowt2 60F

7/21/2006 10:53 am

Spider Solitaire............i'd forgotten about back to the dark ages.....Hate that

MissAnnThrope replies on 7/21/2006 8:12 pm:
Yeah, I've become readdicted to Spider Solitaire. As far as the cable, I don't watch much in the way of TV these days, but with no Internet, it really sucked.

RevJoseyWales 70M/67F
14393 posts
7/22/2006 4:57 pm

I grew up on 50's and 60's baseball. Everybody hated the Yankees! Still do. Joe

"McVeigh had the right idea, wrong address."

"This ain't Dodge City, and you ain't Bill Hickok."

MissAnnThrope replies on 7/26/2006 11:53 am:
I was born in 1960 to a mixed baseball marriage and I still have my Yankees baby bib. Not everyone hated the Yankees. Only you Orioles fans and the like.

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