Appearances...  

Michael_Nivek 33M
7 posts
2/12/2006 12:57 pm

Last Read:
4/19/2006 7:53 am

Appearances...


Appearances...

It seems a foreseen, but admittedly, not well thought about consequence has arisen as more and more individuals from my past, as well as my present, have encountered this profile. I realize that the projected self that I've willingly shown them, has been and still is rather reserved, when placed in direct contrast with what is written here. In comparison, these writings may seem a bit eccentric... It should be known however, and will be through this entry... that what is written here are the thoughts that I have not openly demonstrated to anyone with only a single exception... But her example is the reason I feel the freedom to demonstrate them now. I once feared the questions, and situations that my thoughts would bring forth... Now I welcome the ensuing consequences. What is, and has been written are the words that I have not said, but that have been flowing freely from my fingertips for nearly a decade...
I cannot say whether the unveiling of a part of me that has always been a part of the whole but never seen, will be understood by these individuals... People that probably call me friend, family, or at the very least individuals that have grown comfortable, and accepted certain expectations about my behavior over time. This display may be new and foreign to them. It may confuse them or leave them wondering why I never felt I could show these parts of my self to them before. To that I can only say that I did not reveal my entire self to them because of those very expectations. Admittedly, their formation was allowed by me when it could have been stopped, all in the name of comfort and relations.. the desire to fit with another individual or group. I allowed these false conclusions about me to exist in many cases unknowingly, or at least ignorantly. I can think of a select few who I'd purposely hid my truths from, in order to prevent future confrontation, or awkwardness... for them, I offer an apology... because I was lying to them. That will be a scar for me to carry in remembrance of the way things were... and the crimes that my fears have led me to commit on behalf of comfort and resistance to change. I wear it proudly, because it has become a scar and is no longer a wound. Now I can only stand by and see who of us is still bleeding and who of us has begun to heal. I can only offer my example as a bandage...

sweetcandyfloss 46F

2/12/2006 2:39 pm

Very powerful , heartfelt and emotionally charged words.....and in your words i hear my own voice......we hide what we are , in order to fit it to societys expectation of what we should be, or what they consider to be the norm , whatever that is ?? ..... i hope here you will get the release that you seek......

M.x


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