What is romantic?  

Mackey05 40F
508 posts
2/22/2005 8:18 am

Last Read:
3/5/2006 9:27 pm

What is romantic?

I just recieved an e-mail from a very nice guy asking me what romantic is in my eyes. Sadly, I couldn't give him a good answer. I feel like it is something I don't understand at all which is probably very strange especially coming from a woman.

To me romance indicates warm, caring feelings for someone that you express through telling them how much you care about and love them, buying them flowers, little gifts for no reason other than to say you were thinking of them, holding hands, long slow kisses, cuddling, candle light, and making love.

Any time I have ever experienced one of the things on my "romantic" list things get twisted and end up confusing me. I dated a guy for 7 years and we were engaged for a year before things fell apart. I don't like to say "I love you" that often because I don't want to sound cheesy or overuse the "L" word because it makes all men squeemish. I was scared and not able to utter those words until our 3rd year together. When I said, "I love you" his response was "Thank you." What??? Thank you? Sorry I said it and now I feel stupid. I never heard those words back until the day we broke up. As I was leaving I stopped and turned around to say, "I have to know one thing. Did you ever love me?" He instantly got upset, "You have to ask me that? Of course I love you. I've been in love with you for 10 years. Why?" I didn't want to show I was upset, but said, "This is the first time you've ever told me. Any time I've said you always say 'thanks' or 'yeah'. I just needed to know. Goodbye."

Flowers are another wierd thing to me. I've gotten them twice in my life. The first time was a year ago after a man I was dating asked me what kinds of flowers I liked. I told him I don't know and never paid attention because no one had ever given them to me before. Our next date he came to my door with a beautiful boquet. I was really touched by the gesture and had a smile as big as Texas on my face until he tossed me the flowers and said in a sarcastic tone, "These are for all the fucking morons who were too fucking stupid to but you flowers." Whoah! I thought I was dating an educated man and not dumb white trash. That killed any hint of romance. The second time was my birthday this past January. A guy stood me up the first time we were supposed to meet then totally lied about it. He begged me over and over again to go out and I caved after he called me early one morning drunk out of his mind and started crying. Pathetic I know. We went out of dinner, he gave me flowers, was very rude to the waitress, was a jerk to me, and the date was terrible! The thought of stabbing myself in the hand with a steak knife to get away crossed my mind and I am not a masochist by any means. I wanted to leave 5 minutes into it because it was so bad.

Cuddling is never just cuddling... Always leads to sex as does small gifts. Seems like so many "romantic" things are used a s currency for men to get laid. I am really into calling, e-mailing, text messaging, and Iming friends and family to let them know I care and say hello to let them know I am thinking of them. I've lost track of how many men I've been involved with who use technology to score. "I've been thinking of you" and "I miss you" don't mean that in my world. They translate to, "I'm really horny, have a boner and wish you were bent over my desk right now" and "I can't wait to fuck your brains out later." Sweet phrases or words that usually are used to express caring just never do.

When someone says they want to "make love" it cracks me up. I've heard that many times. To me "making love" mean slow, sensual sex with a lot of caressing and kissing that is experienced with someone you actually love. Nope, I am so wrong. It means it may start that way, but you end up with the guy pounding you like a jackhammer and calling you "my dirty whore / slut". It's not romantic. Maybe it started that way but turned into something completely different. There is a huge difference between "making love" and "fucking" in my eyes.

Everything I have ever viewed as romantic has totally been twisted into empty meaningless gestures and words than lead to sex. Looking over this as I type I am realizing that I am very confused or I have been very unlucky. Maybe some day I'll find someone who has a similar view of "romantic" things as me, but for now I see myself as romatically challenged.

manupforall 60M

2/22/2005 1:13 pm

It has been said that men give romance to get sex and women give sex to get romance..

I don't know the answer but I pray that there is a way to find a balance and a healthy relationship.

Elysium7 53M/45F

2/22/2005 3:27 pm

Oh my god girl, you have read my mind! Keep believing. L.

SexySquirterGirl 52F
102 posts
2/22/2005 8:33 pm

My father passed away the end of November, but I will never forget how much in love him and mother were right up to his death. Before he was put on the ventilator, he would tell anyone who entered his hospital room that he was a newlywed, and they would stop and look at him and say really? And he would reply why yes, I am a newlywed of 42 years! Then after he was on the ventilator, my mother stood hour by hour, day by day by his bed side, stroking his face, telling him she loved him. This tore me apart! My biggest fear is that I will never experience "love and romance" that my parents so obviously had. But you have believe, to receive, at least that is how I feel..

Keep on believing and I am sure you will find all your are looking for! Big Hugs, SG

rm_Minnguy58 60M
57 posts
2/22/2005 8:39 pm

I think romance means something different to each person. But I think it starts with two people knowing each other in more ways then just sex.
I agree with you on the "love making" that is between two people who are in love and not in a rush to get it done. Most people here are looking for sex. You can have sex with anyone, but can only make love to a person you are in love with.

SigEp4U 44M

2/23/2005 3:02 pm

Mackey05... that's just not fair. I read that and thought to myself... you need an older brother so that you have someone to beat the shit out of anyone that treats you like that.

Personally... and I guess maybe I am the exception from what I read on hear... I like romance as well... I think though that there is a difference in how I percieve things and how things really are.

For instance I love to cuddle... A good night watching TV with someone you love is always so much better if they are cuddled up next to you... but you see here in lies the problem. I know that I am just as guilty as the next guy of wanting the cuddling to then turn into making love.

I know that for myself... I always feel closer to a woman after I have made love to her... so if you are cuddling all evening... feeling that special connection, that warmth... then for me it's only natural to want to deepen that feeling.

If I do get to hurried I would hope that the woman that I was with would tell me what she would like or what made her feel as if I cared about her needs and desires during sex... after all I'm not a mind reader.

I truly hope that you can find someone that can treat you with the respect that you deserve.


SigEp4U 44M

2/24/2005 5:55 am

Thanks for the compliments… of course being a gentleman…. or at least trying to act like a gentleman and respecting a lady has probably kept me from having a lot of great sex…

Case in point….there was a girl in college that I thought was just drop dead gorgeous… well one night she got really wasted and needed a place to stay… I brought her back to my dorm and let her stay with me… in the same bed… I promised her that I wouldn’t try anything before we got to the dorm… and I didn’t but damn she looked good in my football jersey and biker shorts that she borrowed to sleep in.

She ended up at another guys house the next night and put out for him… and I thought to myself you big dummy.

About a year later the same sorta situation occurred again… but you know something… up until about three years ago I talked to her at least once or twice a year. Then we sorta just lost contact and I don’t know where she’s at now. What I do know is that wherever she is at now… that she thinks highly of me and that she wishes that something would have came out of our friendship.

I am glad the SigEp boys were cool where you were at… there can be a big difference from one school to the next… but in general it is a good party fraternity.


(Dmac )
2 posts
2/24/2005 11:17 pm

Mackey05 First I'd like to say hi! also I'm sorry to here about your troubles. Life is tough and to me it seems we all have ideas about what we expect from a partner, after getting married I felt like I knew more of the things to look for in a partner. As I looked back I felt like I really didnt have a clue in what I was looking for in a person (hind sight is always 20/20). I accept my wife for what and who she is there are things I would like to be different but I love her and will stand by her side forever. That was the vow we made to each other. The truth is there is no perfect match out there a relationship has to be give and take(it always seems more give than take) but I only know what I give, its tougher to see what you are taking from your partner. I guess if you love someone accept them for who they are if you marry someone dont expect to change them later you might be dissapointed. As for your soup guy he had the right idea in being there to comfort you but the little head took over. When I was younger the little head did about 90% of the thinking and anything romantic was based on getting him a fix. You'll have to learn your partners likes and disslikes. A relationship is work from both sides to keep it together. If your guy is a little slow at getting in your pants or even at feeling breasts then he probably is a little intimadated and respects you. When I went on dates I always brought a long stem red rose for them, I always opened her car door first, an I would get out and come around to open the door to let her out. Always seated my date at dinner table and push her chair up first, help her with coat on and off,an never let her open a door entering or leaving wherever we went. There are things you can do to find out what your guy is after DONT let him hit a homerun right away on a first date a single should do a good night kiss has a lot of power. If date was a good time a little kiss will have him thinking about you for a good week and he will be anxious to take you out again. his goal may be to get you in the sack but if you take your time you will weed out a guy who really just wants to get laid. If he is willing to invest time to build a relationship then he is probably intersted in more than getting you in bed. Girls that were quick or easy to get in bed seem to be less interesting after a short time. The thrill of the chase, excuse my language but I remember driving home after dates with my balls aching so bad I would be sick to my stomach. Trust me I would have that gal on my mind 24/7 just trying to think of excuses to call or talk to her,I could'nt wait to go out again a lot of times he'll probably want to see you again the next day or at least talk to you (remember your still on his mind fantasizing about you), young men have a stiffy a the sight of an attractive young lady or if there is a slight breez, about 95% of the time. Now look at it from a man side you got this big stick throbing in your pants all day and you know what he wants, it takes over all thought just thinking of how to get him what he wants. I hope some of this is helpfull for you. Dont give up there is someone out there for you.

p.s. this all started because of your handle its my name if you want to chat more my e-mail is AdultFriendFinder would like to talk about family tree. THANKS FLY.........

LimesMastsAvoid 71M
456 posts
3/8/2005 5:55 am

Russian saying :
"Woman is like a rare bird...
If you love her, let her go.........
If she comes back...
She is yours.....
If not...hunt her down like a dog...."

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