Living or existing?  

Mackey05 40F
508 posts
4/3/2005 9:39 pm

Last Read:
3/5/2006 9:27 pm

Living or existing?

I am a people watcher and wherever I go I love taking glimpses into the lives of other people. One of the biggest reasons I love these blogs is because they serve as a window into the lives and bedrooms of so many different people. I love reading the hot and steamy stories that make me wet just as much as what people share about their experiences with others on this site. I am fascinated by people.. Always on a quest for understanding... It's not something I chose to do and have this intrinsic need to understand.

I went out to dinner with my parents and it was very interesting looking around the restauraunt. There were a lot of couples out and about, a few families, and a group of teenagers obviously out on a group date. As I conversed with my parents I'd occasionally look around and take mental note of the people around me. I came to one conclusion.... A overwhelming majority of the people who were sharing the room with me looked miserable Sad, but true. 3 couples looked very disinterested in each other and it was painfully obvious their minds were wandering and wishing they were somewhere else. 1 couple was arguing. I chuckled a little bit because they were trying to keep their voices down so their disagreement was more socially acceptable and wouldn't attract much attention. The teenagers were having a blast, laughing smiling, telling jokes... They made their otherwise unsmiling server laugh her ass off and break a smile.

I've gotten to know so many people through out my life and interact with a lot on a daily basis. Because of the kind of person I am I have a lot of people confide in me and it never ceases to amaze me what people do and are willing to go through. Due to my profession I see the connections that exist between happiness, family, home life, education, lifestyle, and so many other things that I could go on forever about. What saddens me is that so many people do not live, they mearely exist.

I had my brush with death over a month ago and it made me think about my life and reevaluate my priorities and what life means to me. I realized it is so short and is gone before we know it. I'm not trying to be a downer here and throw out the over said saying, "Live every day as if it is your last." BLEH! Sure I agree somewhat with that quote, but there is something so closely tied to that many people ignore or they see and refuse to ackgnowledge because they don't want to feel or be viewed as a selfish person.

First and foremost live for yourself and make yourself happy!!!!!!! You have one life and one shot to experience everything that this world has to offer. I know there are a lot of things that you don't want to do, places you don't want to go, and people you don't want to meet but go after those things you know you want. Don't sit on the sidelines being a wuss and let things pass you by. Make yourself happy! Open your mind and try new things and learn who you are!!

So many people forget what is important. They fall into cycles of codependency and bounce from relationship to relationship never knowing who they are. Truth is they are not happy and whoever they are with is not going to be happy because of it. It becomes a viscious cycle that drags everyone else down around you. God forbid you bring children into this world because they are more receptive and can sense more than you ever imagined. I work with the wee ones every day and my eyes have been opened and my mind has been blown.

People get comfortable in their sucky jobs, lousy marriages and relationships, bad sex lives, and mundane existance. Many are lucky and have some event strike them to wake them from their slumber and force them to make changes and live... Yes, change the things that make you unhappy. Why settle for less??!! I realize a lot of people don't feel they deserve better than what they are getting, truth is if you believe it everyone else will too. Show them you are entitled to more and you'll get more. Think before you jump though... Don't go on a mad quest and fuck up your life.

I've come close to making career jumps many times in the past 5 years. I was miserable in my first job out of college and because of my profession I had to stick with it for a certain time period before I was free. I came very close to becoming an officer in the Marine Corps and even closer to becoming a police officer... Those are stories for another time. When my affair started to unravel and I started dating single men and had a few descent relationships I felt great... They fell apart, affair guy grew distant, and I was depressed. I refused to let it consume me so I wrote down everything I had ever dreamed of doing, no mattter how crazy on scraps of paper, folded them, and put them in a hat. I drew out rebuilding a Jeep. I've always loved Jeeps and knew zip about cars. I couldn't even change oil or a flat tire when I started out. 6 months later I had bought and fully restored a 1984 CJ7 and sold it on Ebay for 3x as much as I had invested in it. It made me feel so good... Made me feel alive and opened my eyes to my own potential for learning new things that were out of my comfort zone.

There are so many things I want to do in my life and thinking about doing them makes me feel so alive

So many married people I know are completely miserable and stay in their marriages. It saddens me to see anyone suffer and so many times I have asked others why they haven't tried to work things out... If they have and things cannot be fixed or rebuilt then I ask why they don't leave. It's that cold comfort.. Just having someone there ever if you cannot connect with them emotionally, spititually or sexually keeps them hooked in. As everyone knows by now I won't help any more married people cheat or stray from their marriages... If you do that's fine and I know this will strike so many people as odd, but I actually applaud you for it. You realized that your sexual life was not gratifying and your husband or wife was not willing to experiment or grow sexually with you so you are out in the world trying to find happiness and the life that you were missing out on. Wow! I can't believe I just said that... Many couples are on this site and it makes me smile to know that they can go out and play together and know that sex is supposed to be fun and make you happy. People who have gotten permission from their spouses to have sex outside of their marriage that is awesome as well. Communication is there and you are not breaking any vows... Your partner loves you enough to want you to be happy even if they are not the one to provide that happiness for you.

Why do people get married? If you don't want to have kids and provide a stable home life for them then what is the point? Okay, I understand the legal issues.. Joint property, insurance, etc.. People grow and change as they experience life and it is so hard and rare to find a lifetime partner who can be at your side growing and changing on their own as well as along with you. Seeing and not being able to acceptthose changes drive so many apart. Many people give up on living and exist once they settle down and get married. Why?

I know I am rambling and have so many things swimming in my mind as always. We were all blessed with life so LIVE and don't EXIST. Find happiness and you'll be able to make the people in your life and those you come in contact with happy

Wishes for happiness, great sex and love,

trinimaster 57M

4/4/2005 7:23 am

where did all this wisdom come from at such a young age? BRAVO, keep it up and much success!

CuntSlurpa 47M
131 posts
4/4/2005 11:44 am

I have to agree with trinimaster. Lots of wisdom I wish I had posessed at your age.

It seems to me that many people (especially women) have difficulty dinstinguishing between sex and love. My wife believes that because I had sex with another woman that I loved her. That's simply not true. I just needed to have sex with someone who actually appeared to enjoy it, instead of regarding it as a chore. I would have preferred that to be her.

If she ever needs the same thing she can have it, with my blessing. I'd even help her arrange it if that would help her understand that I (at least) understand that sex and love can be separated.

badboyofurdreams 41M

4/5/2005 3:37 am

I found that extremely insightful and well written. I think you hit upon the right words, "comfort zone." I think that's why people stay where they are ... because change costs something. It requires a risk, perhaps small, but a risk nonetheless.

There's some science behind getting stuck in ruts. Your brain actually creates proteins in the hypothalamus to control certain things. On each of your cells, there are receptors for a different kind of protein, called peptides. Now what happens is for every action or every situation, your brain produces a certain kind of peptide. The more you perform that action or feel that emotion, the more your cells receive that protein. Now what happens is the other receptors stop responding because they aren't being used. And your cells divided carrying just the receptors you've been using. So your cells crave that protein and to get that, you must perform that action or feel a certain way.
Also there are patterns with your neural net and how your neurons fire in patterns and how they weave together, but I've already displayed too much nerdiness for one morning.

Nothing good comes without a cost. There are ways to rewrite the code, as I call it, in your body and mind.

You're absolutely right that you have to make calculated steps outside that zone without leaping way out of bounds. Give your brain and body new stimuli as well. When you see the opening and you feel it (something that comes with experience), you've got to take it. Opportunities are very subtle. Opportunity also plays a large part in what most people think of as luck. Luck, I was always told, is simply when opportunity meets preparedness.

It takes risk to get into a committed relationship. You are probably going to get hurt. The odds are for that happening, but you have to risk that.
The payoff can be great. I know a few people out there that are wonderful together. Are they perfect together? No. There's problems but there's a certain consistent level of happiness those people seem to reach.
I think finding the right person for you is about 99.9 percent of your happiness or unhappiness in life.

As far as kids and marriage, I really don't know which is worse. Is it staying together for the sake of the kids and blanketing the family with constant tension or is it splitting up and bringing kids through that situation. Is there a lesser of the two? The only solution seems to echo what my wrestling coach used to say, "The best way to get out of something is not to get in it."

I think the most important words you alluded to is "Know thyself." I think you have to learn who you are first before you can enter into a relationship with a whole nother person.

You have to be a good person in the canoe.
I compare relationships to being in a canoe. You each have one oar. The reason why it's so difficult to go in a straight line is that you each have to have the same timing, same strength, same rhythm, etc. It's very difficult to find someone that falls in line with your rowing. And it's very bad if one person is doing all the rowing. You moving in a bigger circle. If that one person rows fast enough (really fast), it can become a whirlpool that sucks you to your death.

I'm glad you got your wake-up calls. My mother's death and some other events have slowly put me on a path toward understanding (believe it or not.)

May you continue the remarkable clarity and happiness in your life.

rm_gearedup21 36M
5 posts
4/5/2005 9:35 am

Of course, with a canoe, either person can periodically change sides and row on the other side to keep it going in a straight line if they are outperforming the other person, or they can read the other person and slow down to match the other. Of course, if you're competing, this is undesirable. But if you're enjoying a nice, relaxing canoe ride, you don't have to try to go at your optimum. That may actually make your analogy better, I don't know. But one person who's rowing really fast and on only one side isn't paying due attention to the other person in the canoe and deserves the whirlpool of doom.

badboyofurdreams 41M

4/6/2005 4:59 am

Ignore that stuff at the bottom. Like I wrote, it's 6 (or 7 a.m.). I was trying to cut and paste the words into the take and didn't delete them all.

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