Growing list of lessons learned  

Mackey05 40F
508 posts
2/25/2005 10:49 am

Last Read:
3/5/2006 9:27 pm

Growing list of lessons learned

ARGH!!! There is a guy that I've been talking to since I joined this site and I feel bad that I've had to cancel twice on him because of illness. The first time was because my grandmother was hospitalized out of state and the second was because of my trip to the ER this past weekend. The plan was to meet if I was feeling better. Conversations with him have been really dull,always sexual in nature, but he seemed like a nice guy and I figured that if we met face to face he'd be a better conversationalist. Today he found me online and was angry that I had broken off plans with him a second time... If having a near death experience and being taken to a hospital is not a good excuse then I don't know what is... Maybe death? I told him off after he asked, "When will you be healthy and be able to hook up?" WHAT?? Like I have a fucking clock to tell me that!! Wish I knew!!

This is what I have learned from AdultFriendFinder;

1) Irish men are assholes! After meeting 6 of them on here there is no way I will ever want to get involved with one again unless one totally amazing one comes along and changes my opinion... The last relationship I had ( lasted 3 months ) was with an Irish guy.. He was a military guy and I basically took care of his house and everything for him and when he got back he blew me off to hang out with his ex wife amongst a lot of other cruddy things he pulled on me.. I am way too nice!!!

2) If a guy has a bare minumum profile, won't answer his maritial status and a few other key info areas and has no pic and cannot send him he is a waste of time... There is something to hide and he is not an honest guy!

3) When a man gives you his phone number the first time he contacts you he is desperate... I've thought about posting all of the numbers I've gotten in bathroom stalls of bars with quotes like, "Help me loose my virginity please!!" or "I have a 3 inch cock and need love!" I've lost count of how many one-liner e-mails I have gotten with a phone number.

4) If a guy is dull through e-mails and IM's there is a 99% chance he will be the same way if you ever meet face to face.

5) If a man cannot treat you with respect through e-mails and IMs he is an ass and not worth meeting or any more of your time.

6) If a guy starts Iming you and has no clue who you are and asks ?'s that were already answered on your profile then ignore him. He is a waste of time and is hitting up several women at the same time, just trying to get a bite. Basically you don't matter and he just wants something that lacks a third leg to hop on him and go for a ride.

7) If a guy has major inconsistensies in his profile walk away slowly... Funny when I guy says he is into transvestites, is Bi, and gets angry when other bi men and gay men contact them... Read over your profile and make sure it's clear! LMAO!! My favorites are guys who say they are single in one part then married in another then get mad when you call them on the carpet.

Biggest thing I am learning... THERE IS HOPE! Through blogging I've run into some great guys who are on the other side of the country, an ocean away, or are close by and are not what I am looking for, but they have kept me going when I've wanted to give up on men all together and become celibate. THANK YOU SO MUCH!! LOVE YOU GUYS!!

SigEp4U 43M

2/25/2005 4:02 pm

So did you delete your own post... the one about you quirks... or did AdultFriendFinder.

Just curious because I responded to that post and was interested in hearing what you had to say... I'm hoping what I wrote... wasn't what caused you to delete the post. I can't imagine that it was that... but just checking.

You know... I don't want to piss off the natives


Sexonthebrain4U 51M
36 posts
2/26/2005 12:44 am

I gotta say I love your honesty...I think alot of the guys out there should print this page up and keep it as a list of "Commandments" of what NOT to I'll admit that in my teenage years I could be an asshole, but at that age I think sex was all that I had on my Woman want respect, and then the rest will follow-at least that's been my experience. I like reading your blogs and find you to be very intelligent, and I respect that...guess that's why my nickname on here is "Sexonthebrain4U"...the mind can be a total turn-on, ya know? Then cums the physical part which is the icing on the cake. From reading your blogs I think you'll do fine. I think that I'm a nice and sincere guy, but there's alot of women who think that buy posting cock pics that automatically we're jerks. Hey, some women like to look at cocks, some don't...I just happen to be a bit of an exhibitionist so I like to show mine, doesn't make me a bad guy, right? You can have some fun on this site and be considerate at the same time, some just don't get it. I've met some real "skanks" on here myself, so it goes both ways...that's life. Just keep being yourself kiddo, and you'll be alright.

SigEp4U 43M

2/26/2005 4:05 am

I said that out of all the little quirks that you listed that I only found one that seemed strange to me, actually not strange... I just saw more of your personality and who you are, but one thing really interested me...

You said you never felt comfortable going to sleep beside any of your boyfriends... and you didn't understand why yourself.

I don't remember how I worded my questions before but... I was just wondering if you could explain more about that... how you feel, etc? Do you make the boyfriend sleep on the couch?

Curiosity mostly on my part... I'm not trying to anaylze and fix you... I like knowing what makes people who they are.


WestBurbGuy2 63M

2/26/2005 5:45 am

I have to admit I'm quick to give out numbers because it helps to verify people. I hate to waste time and I meet so many solo guys posing as couples. Desperate not to waste my time I guess.

SigEp4U 43M

2/26/2005 1:57 pm

Why would you need to be fixed? From what I know so far I like you the way you are.

Sometimes we do have things that are part of who we are because of what we have been through. I think that you can work around them... and learn to live a healthy productive life... and I do mean at a deep personal level... but I also believe that they will always be part of you.

Once you learn that people... even people that you believe in can hurt you deeply... it is sorta hard to trust anyone after that. I can definetly relate to that.

You see... before I married my wife... I was engaged to a beutiful blonde... I truly felt like she was my soul mate. Guess what happened... yep same thing as now... we lived over an hour apart so we didn't get to see each other as much as I would have liked... she got lonely I guess. Never did get an explanation on that one. I went to see her one day and her parents said that she moved in with another guy. Didn't see that one coming... see that the part I don't get it... how someone can act so convincingly normal when they are doing something like that to someone that at the same time they say they love. Mind boggling.

I mean come on just get up the guts and say hey I'm not happy in the relationship... I don't think it's going to work out.

After that... I dated my wife for over three years before I even trusted her enough to marry her.

Talking about being struck by lightening twice... it will be sorta hard to go back into the water after this one.

I mean... yea dating and getting to know someone is one thing... but trusting them with your emotions... with yourself, who you are... letting them see your weaknesses... that's a whole different story.

So maybe I am in the same boat as you... maybe I'm going to need a little fixxin myself.



2/26/2005 2:48 pm

Mackey Ihope you donot mind me responding to this part of your blog,, as I mentioned in SigEp`s blog I have been down a long hard road with many rutts , and I am older, along the way I have learned the hard way 2 lessons,,
1.NEVER give away 100% of your trust, always reserve some , it hurts less,
2,MAKE YOURSELF no1 , you have to look out for no1 or no one else will, it`s not being selfish, it`s self preservation and it builds your self esteem, again don`t mean to horn in on your conversation , just thought i`d share an insight.GOOD LUCK TO YOU

SigEp4U 43M

2/27/2005 5:08 pm

Mackey... once again I appreciate the fact that you think of me in a positive light.

With that being said... I do want to point out the fact that it is easy for me to write about how I feel and how I try to act but I know that I am not perfect. It is much harder to always act the same way in life.

I know that I am guilty of doing just the thing that you say has happened with every man that you have ever dated...

...where you said, "Like every man I have ever been involved with, he would say something sweet and try to be kind then turn around and say something completely thoughtless and stupid that ruined it."

I have defienetly done that before... not really because I didn't care but because I just didn't think before I opened my big mouth. I tend to do that quite a lot.

I don't know if it is the same thing that you are talking about but case in point.

My wife has always been very insecure about her body... why?... I don't know... because no lie, she is very pretty and has the type of body that makes a lot of women jealous. I have always tried to reasure her and compliment her but it never really helped, at least that I could tell.

Because of her insecurities my wife never really liked to let me see her naked... it did happen but even then I could tell she just wasn't relaxed. I couldn't do anything to dispell her fears... it was more internal.

Because of this my wife never really got into wearing lingerie. She did on our wedding night and after that maybe once or twice during the first month or two after we were married. I never made a big deal about it... and just let it go.

Anyway... on our fifth weadding aniversary, we went on a weekend trip, and we booked a nice hotel room centered around some of the things that we wanted to do. The night of our aniversary my wife went into the bathroom to take a shower... I got ready to go to bed... and turned on the TV and was waiting for her to come out of the bathroom.

Well about 45 minutes later my wife came out of the bathroom and she was wearing a very sexy outfit that she had purchase just for the occasion. Now keep in mind that I hadn't seen anything like this on my wife in five years... but that is not a good excuse because... the first thing I said was...

"WHAT IN THE WORLD!"... I said that because that was just how suprised I was... I was in shock... I couldn't believe how beutiful my wife looked. Of course that wasn't what my wife wanted to hear. It really hurt her feelings. My wife had spent forty-five minutes getting ready to look nice for me and all I could say was "What in the world!"...

Why couldn't I have said, "Oh my gosh you are so beutiful"... anything but "What in the world!"

That one comment just about ruined our whole weekend. I tried to apologize immediately... but the damage had been done.

So you see I can be very insensitive at times as well.

I just don't want to build myself up to be someone I am not and that's why I wrote this.

So in reality I probably would try to... be sweet and kind and then turn around and blow it.

I am not going to blame it on being a guy... that's not an excuse... there really is no excuse.

In my defense... I will say that in all honesty I have always tried to look out for the ladies that I dated and tried to make them happy... it just doesn't always happen that way.

Well that's a little bit more about who I really am... so what do you think is that sorta what you were talking about?

Hope your day is going well,


SigEp4U 43M

2/27/2005 5:18 pm

Man... I just read back over this... I should have took a little bit more time to edit it before I hit the post button... please over look the spelling mistakes.

Beutiful = Beautiful... LOL... sorry about that.


Sexonthebrain4U 51M
36 posts
2/27/2005 9:10 pm

nobody can put a "label" on love...only the heart can tell(and God help us)...sorry if that was corny, but unfortunaetly it's the truth...

SigEp4U 43M

2/28/2005 8:51 am

Mackey… I don’t know how to respond to your last post… other than to say I am sorry. Saying I am sorry sounds so cheap though… so generic… it doesn’t do enough.

I wish you wouldn’t of experienced that in your life. It is not what a loving relationship is supposed to be like. I know this is going to sound so cliché but, “you deserve better than that”… everyone does. Being respected is a basic right that everyone has… no one has the right to disrespect us. Unfortunately not everyone plays by the same rules and therefore sometimes people who have done nothing wrong end up getting hurt… it’s a sick twisted world that we live in.

You know something though… one thing you are doing that is good for me is taking my mind off of my problems… I read your posts and I start to think about what you have been through and how you must feel and I don’t think so much about myself… I worry about you. It’s funny… I’ve only been on this site for two weeks and I have found a friend. I really didn’t think that was going to happen.

Take care of yourself… make the world eat out of your hand,


SigEp4U 43M

3/5/2005 12:03 am

Mackey... it's late and I need to get home and get some sleep, but I do want to follow up on this... probably won't be until Monday though.

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