Considering an affair  

Mackey05 40F
508 posts
4/6/2005 9:30 am

Last Read:
3/5/2006 9:27 pm

Considering an affair

I'm about to throw in the towel and give up completely on single men. It seems like none of them have brains or can treat women with a single ounce of respect. I'm sick of the boring and lame chats and the redundant e-mails that are the same shit over and over again. For once I'd like to get a single e-mail or have a convo where I man doesn't talk about how huge his cock is, how great he is in bed, what he wants to do to me, or how hot/sexy/attractive he is... I'm not into cyber and am looking for a FWB.. Notice the first letter. F.. Which stands for friend... You need to treat someone like a human being and with respect to build a friendship before you get the 'B'! If I wanted a one nighter I could throw a rock out of my window and invite the random guy I hit up to my room LOL! So many men cannot spell, cannot communicate, and totally objectify women... So many have been sending fantasy letters and all they need is a warm body to fill the void so they can get their rocks off and pound away... Guess blow up dolls don't cut it for them anymore and they are too cheap to pay a prostitute.

Right now I am about ready to throw my morals and convictions on a shelf and hop into an affair knowing that it'll make me feel miserable and down the line I will not be able to respect myself. I haven't had sex since January... Over 3 months which is a record for me if we don't look at the 18 years I waited to loose my virginity LOL! Sure I am a master at getting myself off, but I need the satisfaction of pleasing someone else and having them reciprocate.

This morning really made the scales tip for me. There is a colleague of mine whom I had to sit through meetings with and there has been a mutual attraction between us for quite some time. He just got married this summer to an older woman ( he is 33 and she is 51 and has kids who are a few years younger than him ) and I was disappointed because I really wanted to get to know him better. Every time we see each other we flirt like crazy and we catch each other taking quick glances. Today nearly pushed me over the edge... He sat next to me and smelled so good. I could feel the warmth of his body and his smile melted me. Another collogue picked up on it and was giving us looks so we started acting distant and would not work together on a project and ventured into different groups. The glances continued and at one point he decided to get up and I noticed he was hard. He came back from the bathroom 15 minutes later very flushed, nervously smiling, and a little sweaty. It turned me on even more knowing what he had done and imagining what it would have been like to be there watching him.

Another man I work with and I have a lot of chemistry as well. We are always joking around and he makes up any excuse he can to visit me when I am alone in my office. I can tell by the way he looks at me, his body language, and some of the things he's said that all I would have to do was initiate something and we'd be in bed before we could blink.

This temptation is wearing me down as I become more and more disillusioned with single men. If I wanted to I could pick up the phone right now and call the guy I was having an affair with and he would be in my bed in less than 15 minutes ready to go.... I don't want to fold and am struggling to stay strong. I never thought finding a good guy and starting up a friends with benefits relationship would be so hard!!

rm_bella_ 49F
4030 posts
4/6/2005 12:50 pm

Its only hard because he is married. Unfortunately that becomes a sticky situation. Been there, done that...its no fun after a while as feelings develop and you are second to the wife.

sportyfun56 107M

4/6/2005 1:10 pm

wow, you have it bad babe, I'm not sure I can tell you anything as I'm probably no one to talk at this point. But, in another place at another time I'd say, hold on hun. Don't give up the ship yet. I know what it is like to go long periods of time without another person to be intimate with. I once went a few years waiting for someone to come along. I said "years". I won't elaborate on that here but would be happy to share with you.

So, I do empathize with you. I've known the empty lonliness. I know you know how good it could and should be. But it just doesn't look like it will ever happen. All I can say is put yourself in the right places, establish and hold to high standards, and adopt a mindset that won't allow you to undercut your standards. And some day it WILL happen. And it will be the greatest thing you've ever imagined. Just hope you will get there without too much collected baggage from weak moments along the way.

Wishing you the best.

rm_rockDREWstar 32M
17 posts
4/6/2005 2:44 pm

I don't think you should give up hope just yet...a lot of times these guys just do that to get attention, but then once things get established you get to know the whole person better. This is an ADULT site, and way too many people take that as an excuse to be as crude as possible by objectifying women and saying what great fucks they are. I'm in college, so I know all to well how immature sex-crazed people--particularly men--can be.
Maybe you should give one of the random guys a chance, or e-mail these guys back and tell them how you feel. Many times, a non-reply warrants more and more e-mails AND don't lose faith.

P.S.: I was a spelling bee champion twice, just so you know...


4/6/2005 5:50 pm


Don`t take steps toward putting yourself in that big black depressing state again, you have shown so much strength lately.Being alone and lonely is better than being with someone and doubting yourself again.Hold on, I know it`s hard, but don`t sell yourself short.

TakesTeatsStood 51M
505 posts
4/6/2005 6:10 pm

errrr as a married guy living pretty close to you all I can tell you is hang on and keep holding out. You seem pretty strong about your convictions, would hate to see you give up on them. Chances are you might find just what you have been looking for just whne you give up I would put the odds of finding the kind of single guy you are looking for via AdultFriendFinder as slim at best. But I'll keep rooting for you.

rm_gearedup21 36M
5 posts
4/6/2005 6:38 pm

I'm tempted to challenge your view that there seems to be no single men with brains who can communicate well and treat women with respect, but you live a little too far away for my liking and I don't fit about 5 of the things your looking for in your profile, so I guess you'll never be proven wrong.

That said, in general, you're absolutely right. Single men tend to be extremely self-centered... cocky... pricks . In fact, I think I major reason for this is because our schools focus too much on book education, and not enough on life education. Yes, of course you need skills in science, math, history, and language to function productively in life, but there really needs to be classes on communication, relationships, ethics, morals, discipline, consumer finance, etc, so high school graduates will have a certain level of understanding that normally takes them 5-10 years of being a complete immature and irresponsible dumbass to figure out.

They're not alone. I've always been relatively booksmart, but I was never taught anything about any of the above subjects (except morals since I took an OPTIONAL philosophy class). Consequentially, I had several relationships I completely blundered through, I didn't know how to communicate openly and honestly, I treated my first bills as if they were a pain in the ass to be paid whenever I finally decided to go to the post office or the creditors called me (usually the latter), and watched my life spiral into a whole that I nearly chose not to dig out of.

Now that I've made those mistakes and corrected them (as best as I can, the scars will remain for years, and the missed opportunities are gone forever), I've been reading up on, and practicing, the knowledge I should have learned before I graduated. I still place a lot of value in the knowledge I did gain by going to school, but I think an entire section of life, skills that are directly applicable to raising the quality of your life, are completely and utterly ignored, and therefore must be learned either on your own, or from the people around you. And the people around me often don't know what the hell they're doing or how they should be doing it either.

patsam69 52M/52F

4/7/2005 10:01 am

Mackey...I just looked at your profile and you specifically say NO MARRIED MEN....stick to that. Don't help them cheat. There are sooo many cheaters on here already. Don't add to the statistic. If anything...think about his wife. You would not want to be in her position. Don't help in hurting another woman. There are some decent guys out there. Not many...but they are there. Good luck to you...keep being strong!

kindness24 61F

4/12/2005 7:40 am

Mackey use your AdultFriendFinder for a sex partner, keep looking for a relationship on your own. Once you have a few good orgasms, you will be able to manage the rest. Keep everyone's pants on at work, the office isn't a good playground. You are cute and fun, so separate your longing for a relationship from your longing to get off.

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