Real Life Dilbert Quotes  

MWWwantsmore 52F
1594 posts
5/21/2006 2:58 pm

Last Read:
5/22/2006 4:19 pm

Real Life Dilbert Quotes

A magazine recently ran a "Dilbert Quotes" contest. They were looking for people to submit quotes from their real-life Dilbert-type managers. These were voted the top ten quotes from the Dilberts who inhabit our world ...

"As of tomorrow, employees will only be able to access the building using individual security cards. Pictures will be taken next Wednesday, and employees will receive their cards in two weeks." (This was the winning quote from Fred Dales, Microsoft Corp. in Redmond WA)

"What I need is an exact list of specific unknown problems we might encounter." (Lykes Lines Shipping)

"E-mail is not to be used to pass on information or data. It should be used only for company business." (Accounting manager, Electric Boat Company)

"This project is so important we can't let things that are more important interfere with it." (Advertising/Marketing manager, United Parcel Service)

"Doing it right is no excuse for not meeting the schedule."
(Plant Manager, Delco Corporation)

"No one will believe you solved this problem in one day! We've been working on it for months. Now go act busy for a few weeks and I'll let you know when it's time to tell them." (R&D supervisor, Minnesota Mining and Manufacturing/3M Corp.)

Quote from the Boss: "Teamwork is a lot of people doing what I say." (Marketing executive, Citrix Corporation)

My sister passed away and her funeral was scheduled for Monday. When I told my Boss, he said she died on purpose so that I would have to miss work on the busiest day of the year. He then asked if we could change her burial to Friday. He said, "That would be better for me." (Shipping executive, FTD Florists)

"We know that communication is a problem, but the company is not going to discuss it with the employees." (Switching supervisor, AT&T Long Lines Division)

docdirk 49M

5/21/2006 5:49 pm

It's amazing how accurate these and other Dilbert-isms are when you spend time working in a "professional" office environment!

Ah, Its you again, Your Angel Feathers and your Blood Stains...

MWWwantsmore replies on 5/21/2006 6:10 pm:
These are actual quotes from employees of the companies listed, sent in. These are not actual Dilbert quotes lol. They ARE for real!

Phuc_Buddy 47M

5/21/2006 6:30 pm

ROFL - it amazes me how dumb human beings can actually be! Thanks for my daily chuckle!

MWWwantsmore replies on 5/22/2006 4:07 am:
As are welcome!

rm_kelli4u2dew 42F
5220 posts
5/21/2006 9:46 pm

The floggings will continue until morale improves ...

MWWwantsmore replies on 5/22/2006 4:06 am:
LOL thats a good one too!

RockPebble 70M
2493 posts
5/22/2006 6:44 am

To think that these all came from the private sector, if the government was involed... it just boggles the mind.

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