Forwarded Emails  

MWWwantsmore 52F
1594 posts
4/30/2006 8:34 am

Last Read:
4/30/2006 6:03 pm

Forwarded Emails

This is for all those forwarded emails that I get! No offense is meant for anyone but those emails DRIVE me nuts!

My heartfelt appreciation goes out to all of you who have taken the time and trouble to send me "forwards" over the past 12 months. Thank you for making me feel safe, secure, blessed, and wealthy.

Extra thanks to whoever sent me the one about rat crap in the glue on envelopes cause I now have to go get a wet towel every time I need to seal an envelope.

Also, I scrub the top of every can I open for the same reason.

Because of your concern I no longer drink Coca Cola because it can remove toilet stains.

I no longer drink Pepsi or Dr Pepper since the people who make these products are atheists who refuse to put "Under God" on their cans.

I no longer use Saran wrap in the microwave because it causes cancer.

I no longer check the coin return on pay phones because I could be pricked with a needle infected with AIDS.

I no longer use cancer-causing deodorants even though I smell like a water buffalo on a hot day.

I no longer go to shopping malls because someone might drug me with a perfume sample and rob me.

I no longer receive packages from nor send packages by UPS or FedEx since they are actually Al Qaeda in disguise.

I no longer answer the phone because someone will ask me to dial a number for which I will get a phone bill with calls to Jamaica, Uganda, Singapore, and Uzbekistan.

I no longer eat KFC because their "chickens" are actually horrible mutant freaks with no eyes or feathers.

I no longer have any sneakers -- but that will change once I receive my free replacement pair from Nike.

I no longer have to buy expensive cookies from Neiman Marcus since I now have their recipe.

I no longer worry about my soul because at last count I have 363,214 angels looking out for me.

Thanks to you, I have learned that God only answers my prayers if I forward an e-mail to seven of my friends and make a wish within five minutes.

I no longer have any savings because I gave it to a sick girl who is about to die in the hospital (for the 1,387,258th time).

I no longer have any money at all - but that will change once I receive the $15,000 that Microsoft and AOL are sending me for participating in their special e-mail program.

Yes, I want to thank you so much for looking out for me that I will now return the favor!

If you don't send this e-mail to at least 144,000 people in the next 7 minutes, a large pigeon with a wicked case of diarrhea will land on your head at 5:00 PM (CDT) this afternoon. I know this will occur because it actually happened to a friend of my next door neighbor's ex-mother-in-law's second husband's cousin's beautician

rm_pagan380 66M
4405 posts
4/30/2006 10:22 am

God, I'm doomed! I've only got 143,879 friends on my FW list.

Come play naked in the sunshine and dance naked under the stars.


MWWwantsmore replies on 4/30/2006 1:58 pm:
So you are one of them that forward these??????

rm_PurryKitty2 49M/51F
9753 posts
4/30/2006 10:36 am

I am going to take my umbrella with me outside!

Purry {=}


MWWwantsmore replies on 4/30/2006 1:59 pm:
Not unless you are superstitious (is that spelled right) LOL

rm_jgbkab 43M

4/30/2006 1:53 pm

The joke is on you because my pigeon coop is locked!

MWWwantsmore replies on 4/30/2006 6:04 pm:
I got my own pigeons HA!

rm_android1960a 57M
428 posts
4/30/2006 4:12 pm

It took me only a short time to lern to ignore those forwarded emails. The same way I ignore the TV adds. You know the ones, saying I must call in the next 10 minutes to get this special over inflated price that will save me so much money. You cant afford to miss this special BUTT F@*KING directly from our own factory.

MWWwantsmore replies on 4/30/2006 6:05 pm:
But my freaking mom is the worst with these!

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