WALKING IN TH SHADOWS.......  

LustyTaurus 49M
12038 posts
5/8/2006 4:56 am

Last Read:
11/20/2014 10:03 pm

WALKING IN TH SHADOWS.......

I was Eleven or Twelve years old, and the oldest of five siblings, two brothers and two sisters.

Mom and Dad were out somewhere and we had a babysitter. He was a neighbor, we grew up together and he was 16 or 17 years old. I remember one night in particular although I know there were many. We had finished our supper and chores, and were safely tucked into our beds when “Howie” woke me up and told me to follow him, he needed my help.

No problem for me being the responsible young man that I was. This next part is where it started getting weird. He told me to take my underwear off and lay down on the bed on my belly. Nobody had asked me to do anything like that, but Mom and Dad gave me strict orders to do everything “Howie” asked, so I did.

He took his clothes off, smeared something in the crack of my ass and climbed on top of me. Then, HOLY FUCK JESUS H. CHRIST, I felt something going up my ass. I now know of the course the dirty filthy child molesting freak corn-holed me…but at the time, well, I had no idea what was going on.

He stayed on top of me for a while, then thanked me for the “help”. After that he cleaned us both up and I thought I’d be going back to bed, but he had a little detour in mind. We stopped off at my sister’s room so he could get a “good night kiss”. He woke her up, pulled down his pants and said “You know what to do, go ahead and show your brother”. So I stood there and he made me watch my sister (who was 9 or 10) give this dirtbag head.

The next day, I remember telling my Father about all of what had happened, the best a sheltered and isolated rural twelve year old boy can, and he promised to take care of it. Needless to say, I was a little shocked to see “Howie” babysitting us again about a month and a half later. This time he didn’t need my help…he said if I ever told my Father anything about our “game” again he would beat the living crap out of me and my sister. So the “games” continued for a year or year and a half every time “Howie” babysat until he graduated and left home. Years later I learned that my dear Father also had his own fun going on with my sister…which I suspect is a big part of the reason why “Howie” was allowed to babysit.

The after affects of all that is the worst part. The fact that the abuse carried on after my Father said he’d “take care of it” was the most devastating. Being forced to stand by knowing my sister was being forced to participate against her wishes was also almost too much to handle. I was completely ashamed of myself, I was very nervous and self-conscious around all my peers…male and female. Getting changed for gym class or a hockey game was terrifying…I thought they would know what was going on in my home if they saw me naked.

This early abuse was of course a major factor in many problems I had later in life…including a strong desire to leave this world which I posted about here HAPPY ANNIVERSARY

I have read many postings about sexual abuse and suffered by women …but none by men being sexually abused.

This is now officially the scariest post I have done to date…but I needed to do it.

If you’re a guy who’s been abused, you can share here or e-mail me and I’ll do what I can to help you through it. There is help available and those of us around who understand.

Thanks for listening.

LUSTYTAURUS


frangipanigal 46F
10406 posts
5/8/2006 5:36 am

What a brave way to start a new year on this earth. I am sure telling this will indeed help others.Congratulations on posting it - I am sure it could not have been easy.

Happy Birthday for yesterday.

Frangi


LustyTaurus replies on 5/8/2006 3:34 pm:
Thankyou frangi...

MysteryDreamer 58F

5/8/2006 5:41 am

My whole heart goes out to you darlin. That is the most awful experience to go thru. They should kill them on the spot!! I tell my kids all the time to tell me if anything happened to them, that people will say anything, like they will kill the parents, and I told them that is not true. I am open with my kids on that matter, and the schools have the "good touch, bad touch" programs. I had an experience when I was a kid and I will be damn if I let that happen to one of mine. You are very brave to write this and I do so much admire you for that. It is a very touchy subject. Hugs to you hon!!


LustyTaurus replies on 5/8/2006 3:35 pm:
It is a touchy subject...sorry for what you went through and Thankyou.

digdug41 50M

5/8/2006 5:58 am

Well LT I have gone through something similar and I have never mentioned nothing about except here in comments and its something thatI have gotten over but never forgot I am a suvivor of molestation like so many others but I have not let it mess with me too much

roaming the cyber streets of blogland


LustyTaurus replies on 5/8/2006 3:37 pm:
Yeah...I'm Ok now too...but the mloestation affects us in ways we don't even understand..if you've never specifically sought to understand it, it would be worth your while my friend...thanks for sharing

smoothnjuicy4u 51F

5/8/2006 6:18 am

I respect your courage and honesty. I hope this allows other men to find away to share their own dirty little secrets. If not here, at least somewhere..

Hugs
Smooth


LustyTaurus replies on 5/8/2006 3:38 pm:
Thanks very much smooth...

honeycomb1974 45M/44F
282 posts
5/8/2006 6:41 am

LT, I know exactly were you are coming from. I've never told any one other than my wife that I was molested. I wish no one had to go through this. Runt


LustyTaurus replies on 5/8/2006 3:41 pm:
That's a good start runt...if you want to understand more about the effects of molestation on us guys in particular I can help...for me part of it was a constant underlying, non-specific anger...there is lots more but thanks for sharing

angelofmercy5 60F
17881 posts
5/8/2006 6:43 am

My husband suffered sexual abuse at the hands of his father...and I can tell you that it has affected almost every aspect of his thinking. The first and foremost step is to do just what you have now done.....admit it happened...and tell someone who cares. I care. Thank you for posting this Lusty...you may never know how many people it helps.


LustyTaurus replies on 5/8/2006 3:42 pm:
Wow Angel...you know about this then..it can really fucka guy up...thanks for sharing and for your support....

HOTNBOTHERED0414 47F

5/8/2006 8:12 am

My brother wasn't able to handle things as well as you have. TY for posting this.


LustyTaurus replies on 5/8/2006 3:50 pm:
I'm sorry to hear that HNB...

ArgosPlumyKooky 46F
3902 posts
5/8/2006 8:45 am

it hurts that adult people on this earth are so evil i am sorry. this makes me want to cry, why in the world do people do this. thank you for freeing the story, big hugs.


LustyTaurus replies on 5/8/2006 3:51 pm:
some parts of this world really do suck as you say snatch...thanks for the hugs...

a123rat 50M
1113 posts
5/8/2006 9:18 am

Stay strong.
When it helps to talk, I'll listen.


LustyTaurus replies on 5/8/2006 3:51 pm:
its cool rat..thanks.

Kaliedascope61 42M
4084 posts
5/8/2006 9:31 am

It's such a misconception that it only happens to women, Sometimes big brother has secrets, and its hard to share. So here is a hug for you brother.


LustyTaurus replies on 5/8/2006 3:51 pm:
thanks brother...

catseyes23 62F

5/8/2006 9:48 am

I can only confirm the sentiments of others, Lusty.

It is hard to bear, but better to let it out than keep it bottled up. Thank you for sharing, my friend.


Cats...


LustyTaurus replies on 5/8/2006 3:52 pm:
thanks for the encouragement Cats...

twirly_girl 48F

5/8/2006 10:31 am


Thank You
This will indeed help
many men who feel they are
alone


-Nikki


LustyTaurus replies on 5/8/2006 3:52 pm:
I hope so 69...TY...

mycin62 55F

5/8/2006 11:21 am

Lusty, I applaud you for having the courage to write this down and share it with all of us. It took strength to do that, and you will be helping many with this post!

Hugs,
Cin


LustyTaurus replies on 5/8/2006 3:53 pm:
Thanks Mycin and I hope it helps someone...

rm_mm0206 70F
7767 posts
5/8/2006 12:10 pm

tender gentle hugs
Lusty
You are very courageous
I hope this lightens your burden some
it cant be easy, living with such fear.
Be strong and make your life a beacon
of love and understanding for those
sweet children that have to contend with such abuse.

I hope that serenity and peace can be yours now.
tenderly...m.


LustyTaurus replies on 5/8/2006 3:55 pm:
serenity and peace I have on this issue mm...thanks for your super kind words...

bardicman 51M

5/8/2006 12:28 pm

Holy Fuck Lusty.

A belated Happy Birthday to you and I find myself speechless on the other.

Some people do not deserve to live and to me "Howie" is one of those people.



I am not dead yet


LustyTaurus replies on 5/8/2006 3:57 pm:
thanks for the B-day wish Bard...I figured I might get a few "Holy Fuck's" from this post..LOL. Yeah "Howie" is definately NOT on my most favorite people list.

rm_DarknStar 55F
2823 posts
5/8/2006 12:54 pm

Lusty, my heart goes out to you! I am one of the ones that have posted about abuse. My daughter was the one that was abused. But I did do the right thing, and I seen it through to have the son of a bitch put away! I sorry that you had to go through this in your life. *Hugs* to you always! and Im here to listen if you need it!


LustyTaurus replies on 5/8/2006 3:58 pm:
Thanks for the hugs...I read that post about your Daughter and you did the right thing...mainly the support you gave her is what really matters in the long run...

papyrina 52F
21133 posts
5/8/2006 1:38 pm

hugs for you for being so brave to write this in the hope of helping other guys and for being so courageous in surving this and becoming who you are today.
And i am so sorry your father was such a bastard not to care but to abuse more


I'm a

and
i'm here to stay


LustyTaurus replies on 5/8/2006 4:17 pm:
I don't feel brave Papy but thankyou. I don't entirely understand my Father's actions or lack of actions either Papy...thanks for your very kind words.

VATraveler1948 69M

5/8/2006 2:16 pm

Lusty,

I know first-hand the hurt and the shame that you have endured because of this. I was molested at about the same age by someone I loved and trusted, my own father. In my case there was no physical pain, only physical pleasure but it still left me with a twisted image of myself. It has really only been in the past couple of years that I have come to grips in my own mind with what happened. It has only been in the past couple of months that I have even shared my "secret" with anyone except my wife and it has only been in the last two days that I have publicly admitted in an open forum that I was molested. Getting that admission out in the light of day is a BIG relief!

I know that a lot of my own attitudes and even some of my sexual fantasies and desires, are a result of what happened almost 45 years ago. I truly believe that the big thing to keep telling yourself is that this is something that someone did TO YOU, not something that you caused to happen. We are NOT ALONE, you have read in the comments on your own blog about others who have faced this horrible fact in their own lives, or in the lives of family members.

A day or so ago I posted a comment in ImpishPixie's blog Searching for the Truth where I mentioned my abuse and said that it had been a generational thing, something that had been passed down from other family members. In fact, I have an uncle who will spend what he has left of his life in prison because of sexual abuse he inflicted on others. Right now my biggest goal in life is to see that I do not inflict on anyone the damage that was inflicted on me. That cycle of destruction is going to stop with me! We can't change what has happened in the past, we can only face the realty of what happened to us... and see that it doesn't go any farther.

Thinking and praying for you my brother!

VAT


LustyTaurus replies on 5/8/2006 4:20 pm:
I never saw that comment VAT..but thanks for sharing here...that generational thing was one of my biggest fears also...I did not want to be part of the problem and by the grace of God I'm not...thanks.

RevJoseyWales 70M/67F
14393 posts
5/8/2006 2:23 pm

Not even a smartassed comment from me. Nah, my abuse was all psychological, and nothing compared to yours, so I'll shut the fuck up. But that's whay ya got friends LT. Joe

"McVeigh had the right idea, wrong address."

"This ain't Dodge City, and you ain't Bill Hickok."


LustyTaurus replies on 5/8/2006 4:21 pm:
Thanks Joe...don't kid yourself...fuckin with a kid's head is just as bad as fuckin with his body..thanks for being a friend.

rm_FreeLove999 47F
16127 posts
5/8/2006 2:30 pm

just >>>hugz<<< this stuff just chokes me up too much to say anymore (and i just came from papy's blog) ...



[blog freelove999]


LustyTaurus replies on 5/8/2006 4:23 pm:
Thanks so much Free...I'm A-OK really...I just thought it would help a few folks if I shared this...thanks for the hugs...

SweetDarlinAngel 40F
2996 posts
5/8/2006 3:02 pm

LT~
Thank you for sharing and opening the door for others to be able to share more freely. I wish my brother had some place like this to vent when he went through it. I believe the experience makes you a better person. Someone who can sympathize nad understand things that the rest of us will never be able to begin to fathom.

You are a brave and strong man Lusty. Congratulations on this release.

~SDA

~Angel


LustyTaurus replies on 5/8/2006 4:24 pm:
Thanks so much SDA...I'm sorry to hear your brother went through this also...I hope it helps a few.

norprin5 56M

5/8/2006 3:17 pm

i salute your courage, my friend. hang in there

King Nor XVIII


LustyTaurus replies on 5/8/2006 4:25 pm:
Thanks Pal...

rm_cru1972 45M
4407 posts
5/8/2006 3:32 pm

I have posted about mine as well I just did not get into the details that I was around 4 or 5 and mine was by one of my uncle's. It went on for a few years, on somewhat of a daily basis b/c he lived with us. I am sure this is the hardest thing you have ever written about.I feel like we are even more of brothers in arms now Thank you


LustyTaurus replies on 5/8/2006 4:26 pm:
I wondered about that cru...thanks for stepping up here...you bet, brother's in arms....

rm_pagan380 66M
4405 posts
5/8/2006 3:35 pm

I wouldn't wish my childhood one anyone, but I was never abused in anyway by anybody. When I think of the hell you were put through it makes me heart sick. That any child should be made to suffer in such a way is unforgivable and should not be allowed to go unpunished. If your tormentor is still a free man, he shouldn't be! If he is, I'll bet he's still hurting children!
Truly, angry for your pain


Come play naked in the sunshine and dance naked under the stars.

Digambara


LustyTaurus replies on 5/8/2006 4:28 pm:
To my knowledge he is Gay and a hairdresser..that's the last I heard 10-12 years ago. Thanks for your words pagan.

HBowt2 60F

5/8/2006 3:57 pm

Yep it is scary posting Lusty....but the more that do the less it will be in the shadows....and it needs to come out of the shadows...Thanks for being brave....thanks for sharing....thanks for surviving ....thoughts and wishes going to you tonight....


LustyTaurus replies on 5/8/2006 4:29 pm:
I don't know what to say HB except thankyou...I don't feel brave, I'm just trying to share and maybe help someone...

rm_Ellenback 59F
966 posts
5/8/2006 5:25 pm

I, too, was abused, but at least when I told someone, I got help! Honey, you are a brave man coming out and telling us all this, and I stand by you in your pain and anger. I'm crying after reading this post, and I hope you help someone by not only surviving this hell, but overcoming it. (((hugs))) to both you, and your sister...

Elle


LustyTaurus replies on 5/9/2006 5:52 am:
thanks for sharing...unfortunately, especially for a man, seeking and getting help are sometimes very difficult.

absolutelynormal 57F
6563 posts
5/8/2006 6:44 pm

(((((((((((LT)))))))))) OK, your post has literally given me the shakes. Parents can sometimes be so stupid. Where is your tormentor now? I'll beat his ass!!!!


LustyTaurus replies on 5/9/2006 5:55 am:
lolol...I am not entirely sure where he is now, but thanks so much

southrnpeach333 51F

5/8/2006 6:57 pm

I admire your courage in posting this. It was one of the hardest yet best things I ever did in posting about my experience. My heart goes out to that young boy who did what he had to do with what life brought his way. I now admire the man who has been able to rise from that to become the person that you did.


LustyTaurus replies on 5/9/2006 5:57 am:
wow...thanks Southrn...that is the end game of this post...to provide some hope to even one who needs it.

happyladychat 48F
3740 posts
5/8/2006 7:13 pm

Hmmm... I like you regardless when you are funny or serious.
But I like you best when you are brave like this.
Thanks for the scary sharing... just like you to know that I think you did GREAT!

*HUGz*

Make it your challenge.... turn me ON!!


LustyTaurus replies on 5/9/2006 5:58 am:
I very much appreciate your kind words happy...thankyou

FunandFrisky79 42M/38F

5/8/2006 7:29 pm

I'm so sorry to hear about your abuse, Lusty! No one deserves to go through what you and your sister did! Pedophiles should be drug into the street and shot!

I, too, was molested... by my cousin. My brother walked in on him trying to force himself on me when I was about 9 years old (he was 14 or so). He continued to "grope" me every chance he got until I mentioned to my mom that I was uncomfortable around him. I kept my distance at family gatherings and things got better. When I was 12, he tried to hook me up with one of his 17 year old friends. What a sick fuck! I still see him at family functions (he's married with children) and we're cordial. But, I'll never forget what he did to me.

I've suffered through more emotional than physical abuse, but I've had a dose of both (my ex-boyfriend tried to beat the shit out of me, and my exhusband fucked with my head).

The good news is that I learned from these experiences. I learned to notice the "signs" of someone who is abused. I've also realized how important it is to communicate with your children. Hopefully, when I have kids, they will have the courage to talk to me if they're ever uncomfortable.

It's a sick world! Thank you for sharing this story, Lusty. I applaud you for your bravery!!! Big hugs & kisses, my friend!


]


LustyTaurus replies on 5/9/2006 6:01 am:
I'm not sure what to say...I'm a little overwhelmed at the generousity and level of openness in your comment Fun...thanks for sharing.

rm_Beachbabe51 66F
21 posts
5/8/2006 7:40 pm

So brave and strong you are. I hope you are sharing what happened in a group of men who have experienced the same. To continue your healing.

You are here. You are whole. YOu have survived. You have survived evil -- not yours, but others. Several of my friends have been through the same -- male friends, not just women. Those who went through healing are doing ok.

Just by breaking the silence, sharing you are helping others. It's hard for me to write any more -- a mother of sons.

Thank you for your bravery.


LustyTaurus replies on 5/9/2006 6:03 am:
well, it was a little scary...but this is the perfect forum to reach out...not only for support but to maybe help someone else. Thanks for your kind words.

imLadyBambi 59M/51F

5/8/2006 8:59 pm

Mr. Bambi here...

Just thought I'd let Lady Bambi's blogging buddies know that she is in the hospital (pneumonia). Don’t worry about her, the hospitalization was because the doctors felt that a more aggressive course of treatment (IV antibiotics vs. oral medication) is needed at this juncture ‒ her life is not in danger. For the time being I’ll post the blogs that she has already written on a daily basis (until they run out).

As for responding to your blogs (being polite and reciprocating), here’s the problem:

My father just passed away. Lady Bambi is in the hospital, our new car (the Bambi-mobile) was just sideswiped while parked and no one left a note, there was a foiled burglary at one of our houses last night, I’m headed off to Seattle within the week for the funeral, and… I hope you understand.

“Mr. Bambi”


LustyTaurus replies on 5/9/2006 6:03 am:
Mr. Bambi...my thoughts are with you and your wife through this time

ohsodelicious 58F
1922 posts
5/8/2006 9:09 pm

Lusty...OMFG!!What can I say...I usually read everyones comments...but I could not on this one...this is such a 'harsh' issue {that 'unfortunately' the world turns a blind-eye to}...{{head boughed, into palms of hands}}...so overcome...not sure I could even convey my...thoughts...my....apall...

a kiss to try an make it better...OhSo{=}


LustyTaurus replies on 5/9/2006 6:09 am:
OhSO...I'm doing really well now overall at this point in my life...the contents of this post are disturbing no doubt...thanks for the kiss and your support

lifeisablast333 55M

5/8/2006 9:20 pm

ya gotta get stuff off your chest, and this is a cool place to do it....I had a strange childhood, and with that in mind, my 5 kiddos
have been to very few places with others (while little) and the only sitter I ever use is the grandmas.....the world scares me when it comes to my young....wierd freaks all over......glad ya are o-k
the redneck


LustyTaurus replies on 5/9/2006 6:10 am:
same here redneck...we are very cautious about who babysits also...we only use my wifes parents or my sister...thanks for the kind words

MOfunNOWWOW 56F

5/8/2006 9:56 pm

LT~Courageous post on so many levels. I am sorry that you and any child goes through this. It is so common for us ladies to tell ours and not so easy for men because of the stigma attached. The shame is the same for both. One and three little girls and one in five little boys will have had this happen by the time they reach twelve. The numbers continue to climb. People like you make a difference. Thank you and hugging you. My heart goes out to you and your sister! Sickened and saddened.


MOMO
just a squirrel trying to get a nut


LustyTaurus replies on 5/9/2006 6:13 am:
Thanks MO...I hope this can help a few guys in particular start to deal with their demons in a healthy way...ty for the support..

mangomamiCT 43F

5/8/2006 10:18 pm

((((hugs)))))


LustyTaurus replies on 5/9/2006 6:32 am:
thanks for the hug Mango...

angelplusdevil 41F
203 posts
5/8/2006 11:24 pm

my heart, my compassion goes out to you. i am around 24/7 only because i haven't taken my own time to deal with childhood demons. you know the other side to physical abuse is mental. i never can abide molesting and once found out a bf of 2 yrs was into children. i was devastated and turned him in to local authorities, yet it still took me months after the initial shock. when i confronted him he cried and pleaded and told me it was a phase.
he finally admitted later that he was able to have sex with me because my body was so childlike. i know makes me sick, as well.
it is easier after you talk more about it. i have such high respect for you dear taurean. i understand and will always be around if you need an ear, a shoulder, a link to another world.
my demons now, are so deathly. hard to attribute to depression leading to bipolar. i am just glad i have seen myself well enough to realize there are some huge differences and we don't have to hide from our past and our most unspoken secrets.
i hope we can become closer friends; it seems kindred.
lol may7th, then, happy belated, my purring bull. best of wishes with these inner recovering feelings.


LustyTaurus replies on 5/9/2006 6:35 am:
Thanks Angelplus...unfortunatley...most of us have demons of one kind or another...and yes I love making new friends...thanks for sharing and caring...

tillerbabe 57F

5/9/2006 12:06 am

LT - Thank you for feeling safe enough to share with us and opening the door to help others. I admire your candor and courage. You are loved by all of us. I know men usually protect women, but the long and short of it...I would kick this guys ass if I ever came across him, (and I could do it)....and probably your Dad too. I deplore abuse of any kind, especially to animals and children. Blessed be sweet man. {=}


LustyTaurus replies on 5/9/2006 6:38 am:
Thanks very much Tiller...I don't feel particularly brave or safe at the moment...LOL..but I do want to help someone if I can.

chasingfun27 39M
1108 posts
5/9/2006 12:15 am

Nah. Fuck. I'm too angry for words. Cunts!


LustyTaurus replies on 5/9/2006 6:39 am:
CF27...I know how that feels sometimes, anger is a scary thing my friend.

pet_humility 49F

5/9/2006 5:31 am

For many, just reading this from a mans point of view on getting molested will help alot.
Thanks for doing that.. It means alot to me, and for others


LustyTaurus replies on 5/9/2006 7:32 pm:
You're welcome and thanks for your envouragement

JustaSeeker 107F

5/9/2006 7:23 am

The horrible thing about this is that you couldn't trust your parent to help you. I understand and I'm truly sorry that this happened to you.


LustyTaurus replies on 5/9/2006 7:33 pm:
That really is the worst part and is what in fact was the hardest to deal with...thanks for your support.

dasher121 37M

5/9/2006 7:38 am

yes, def a lot of courage to put this post up man, and im sure that it was far from easy. but you know, that we are all here for you and support is endless.

TheDude.


LustyTaurus replies on 5/9/2006 7:35 pm:
I was not certain how this would be recieved...but it needed to be told...not for me, I'm A-OK brother...but b/c i know many men have no where to turn...thanks Dude..

Whispersoftly5 53F
15176 posts
5/9/2006 11:42 am

These kind of posts piss me off! Not at the author but at the fucking abuser! I can't believe the number of people, including myself, who have been abused by family members and friends of the family or who have been abused by strangers. I cringe at the thought that we are adults who suffered, but there are children suffering now - today - this moment! That fucks me up and I'm sorry you and your sister had such horrible experiences!

Those muther fuckers who hurt children all need to be dealt with in a dark ally! I say taking a blow torch and pliers to their sorry asses is too kind. People who even consider touching a child that way should at the time the thought first enters their mind put a gun to their head and pull the trigger.

Sorry for all the anger and profanity, but I know how this hurt me and imagine how it impacts others - it's terrible. Overall, I'm past it until I read a story like you left and it just makes my anger burn fresh and hot! Sorry.

Whisper...


LustyTaurus replies on 5/9/2006 7:37 pm:
Trust me...I understand the anger, and wonder how my life may have been different had it not occurred...thanks for sharing...

multitasksextoy 60M  
3511 posts
5/9/2006 12:11 pm

Very good post Lusty,and very brave.It can only make you stronger and enable you to heal faster,you probably don't realize how many other people you have helped with this post.Later buddy.


LustyTaurus replies on 5/9/2006 7:39 pm:
thanks rawhide...I hope it helps a few...even one

GossipJunkie 41F

5/9/2006 1:07 pm

Both my brother and I were molested by an adult cousin when we were kids. Bro was 12 and I was 8; cousin was 17 (close enough to adult if you ask me). This cousin also molested two neighbor brothers and another boy on the cul de sac where they all lived. As a result, my brother is on a second stint in jail (ironically enough, I mentioned this in my blog yesterday) because of his choice to continue the "chain." I'm so very lucky to be able to stop my "link" at me. Unfortunately, my cousin is NOT in jail. He's married and has a toddler son. I hope, hope, hope he doesn't visit his son in the middle of the night. His wife is very much aware of his actions and chooses to be ostrich-like.
Thank you for sharing and, also, for ensuring your "link" stopped with you. My heart goes out to your sister as well.

GossipJunkie
"Dance like nobody's watching"


LustyTaurus replies on 5/9/2006 7:40 pm:
That is remarkably tough stuff to deal with GJ..thanks for sharing, and for your words of support.

libgemOH 57M/53F

5/9/2006 5:05 pm

TL, I am SO SORRY you had to live through that!! ~BIG HEALING HUGS~ -B


LustyTaurus replies on 5/9/2006 7:41 pm:
ooooh...I feel better alreadylib...TY...

StillSmokin2oo6 45M/44F

5/9/2006 6:12 pm

Holy Fuck,,That shit's terrible!!! The incredible heart and courage it must have taken to do this post,let alone go through that,,,Two Thumbs Up To You!!!! Hope it helped ta share with the group....


LustyTaurus replies on 5/9/2006 7:44 pm:
Thanks Smokin...I definately would have preferred a different childhood but we play with the cards we're dealt...thanks for your kind words...

evil_lolita 35F

5/9/2006 6:22 pm

Happy belated birthday.

I'm amazed when people are able to stand up and share this sort of thing with others in the name of compassion, empathy, help, hope. It's - well, it really leaves me speechless.

My friend is a child welfare worker, and a little part of me dies everytime I hear stories like the one you just shared. I can't imagine being a child and having my own father betray my trust like that You are an incredible person.

Come to the edge, he said. They said: We are afraid. Come to the edge, he said. They came. He pushed them and they flew.

Guillaume Apollinaire

Alberta Nightlife Under 40 - check it out!


LustyTaurus replies on 5/9/2006 7:46 pm:
thanks lolita...I hope it helps someone....thanks for your encouragement.

fantasylover_05 63M

5/9/2006 7:02 pm

Lusty

I am speechless.......

I am sooo very very sorry for what you have endured!

You know how I feel about this.... it matters not female or male... I just will never understand how anyone could do something like this to anyone........

And your own father whom is supposed to FUCKING PROTECT YOU!!

Thank you for sharing your story Lusty!! I am sure you have helped many!!


LustyTaurus replies on 5/9/2006 7:47 pm:
I guess that'sthe main reason this post went up FL...I'm doing well, but I know what it's like feeling like you have no where to turn...so if this helps one I'll be happy. Thanks for your support bro...

kelly402005 53F

5/9/2006 7:31 pm

I don't know how to put this, " Let it out, it's cool with me. "...
~~ I've only just begun.
Maybe,,,,,, I'll share more, maybe not.........
We'll see.......
Share what you want, I'll be here to listen......
It's all good......

Good post.... " Heal man "....... this helps.
I think, anyway....... I don't wanna speak for everyone.

Take care,
Alene


LustyTaurus replies on 5/10/2006 7:19 am:
thanks kelly...

sexyariesgirl 58F

5/10/2006 4:49 am

LustyTaurus - You know the bravest acts are committed when the person does so simply because it's the right thing to do. YES this was BRAVE. I'm so thankful that you have survived it...that you have come through the other side and are able to talk about it in the hopes of helping another. The more we survivors share, the more those who need it are helped. Thank you......

Power To FOK


LustyTaurus replies on 5/10/2006 7:21 am:
thanks so much for your words, encouragement and openness sexxy...

papyrina 52F
21133 posts
5/10/2006 5:23 am

leaving a simple safe hug


I'm a

and
i'm here to stay


LustyTaurus replies on 5/10/2006 7:21 am:
TY Papy...

SacredStarDance

5/10/2006 7:37 am

Thank you so much for sharing this.. So many People you are helping and hopefully they will feel free to open up to some one some how.My younger brother and I went through the same ordeal.. We never talked about it until I brought it up 2 years ago.. I havent heard from him since. It breaks my heart knowing he is holding all the pain in.. and can't deal with it sooo much that he won't talk to his sibblings..He wont talk to us at all.
I'm so grateful for men like you that open up about this subject.. and I hope so much My baby brother will meet someone like you and have someone to talk to. I just wish he would talk to me.

Thank you again... huggsssssssssssss

under the stars
We choose to write
you choose what you comprehend.
read twice and be nice
every key stroke... has a heart beat


LustyTaurus replies on 5/10/2006 8:55 pm:
That's really rough MRSMUFF, and I am sorry to hear about your ordeal...I'm lucky in a sense I guess in that I was able to deal with it eventually and I can only pray your brother can get past the shame and start talking...*HUGS*

saddletrampsk 55F

5/10/2006 10:40 am

Lusty
I am sitting here in utter shock and anger at how some person can hurt children in this horrible way..I was also abused and violently and was unable to deal with it until only a few years ago..its not just the physical act but the mental and emotional damage I suffered for many years and I am still dealing with..great big hugs to you..you are truly a survivor when you can open up in this way..


LustyTaurus replies on 5/10/2006 8:58 pm:
Thanks Saddle..you are correct in that the mental side of abuse is far more difficult. I got to the point I literally felt I had nothing to lose and chose to come out guns blazin...in hindsight that in itself was risky but it worked out. Thanks for sharing and if there is anything i can do, let me know OK?,,Seriously.

Wackytits 54F

5/10/2006 11:13 am

Just {{{Hugs}}} lots of them xx


LustyTaurus replies on 5/10/2006 8:58 pm:
Thanks wacky...hugs are good...

meerkittykat 43F

5/10/2006 2:57 pm

Lusty--
I'm fortunate not to have been a survivor of sexual abuse; I've worked with survivors, but will never ever claim to fully undersand that pain and betrayal.

Your story has done countless good. I hope you see some comfort, no matter how small, in that. If you had a positive impact on one person, and it looks like you did....then you have turned a bad experience into one that will strengthen you.

Here's to growth, my strong Canuckian friend....meer


LustyTaurus replies on 5/10/2006 8:59 pm:
Thankyou so much for your encouragement and kind words Meer...

Babel__Fish 46F

5/11/2006 12:51 am

Speachless...

*Hugs*
Babel


LustyTaurus replies on 5/11/2006 5:57 am:
Thanks Babel...love hugs...

GleesFlakyShawl 51M
1620 posts
5/11/2006 8:22 am

i just came from papy's blog... hugs


Babel__Fish 46F

5/11/2006 9:55 am

I just wrote part one of my abuse story... and I did it because of stories like yours.... if we remain silent then the abuser wins and you never know who could be reading or what they are doing to a child right now.

*More Hugs*
Babel


ShyWhisper2006 54F
15175 posts
5/12/2006 2:32 am

You are not alone...and neither are the others here that wrote of their experience...
At times we feel alone with our pain..thinking we are the only ones suffering...
To know there is even one more out there suffering the same...
is one too many...
sharing does help
and even though it never goes completely away...
we heal...
Thank you...*hugs*
Be well...


JuicyBBW1001 55F

5/12/2006 4:22 am

Wow LT big huggs to you too and thanks for stopping by come back anytime.

Juicy


redlipsprincess
(Princess Lips)
52F

5/13/2006 2:56 am

brave hugs to you...

TTFN


runzwithknives 61F

5/13/2006 8:24 am

Thanks you for having the courage to share this. I have read few stories of men being abused compared to females. This needs to be told.
Tender hugs to you and your sister.

Rosa


LustyTaurus 49M
21253 posts
5/13/2006 12:17 pm

Thanks dz...


LustyTaurus 49M
21253 posts
5/13/2006 12:19 pm

    Quoting Babel__Fish:
    I just wrote part one of my abuse story... and I did it because of stories like yours.... if we remain silent then the abuser wins and you never know who could be reading or what they are doing to a child right now.

    *More Hugs*
    Babel
that is a great thing Babel...I'm sorry for the abuse, but sharing is educating and very freeing..thankyou


LustyTaurus 49M
21253 posts
5/13/2006 12:21 pm

    Quoting shyvixen1962:
    *gentle hugs* ~ Thank you for your courage in sharing your story. May your healing continue. I also send healing wishes for your sister. Breaking the silence is the beginning to healing within ~ sharing your story will bring much to other men who have been unable to speak out.
    More *gentle hugs* ..just because

    peace and healing
    Shy
thank you so much for the hugs vixen...and i agree with every word you said...


LustyTaurus 49M
21253 posts
5/13/2006 12:22 pm

    Quoting ShyWhisper2006:
    You are not alone...and neither are the others here that wrote of their experience...
    At times we feel alone with our pain..thinking we are the only ones suffering...
    To know there is even one more out there suffering the same...
    is one too many...
    sharing does help
    and even though it never goes completely away...
    we heal...
    Thank you...*hugs*
    Be well...
Whisper...I know I am not alone...especially now, and I hope this helps other to know that also..


LustyTaurus 49M
21253 posts
5/13/2006 12:24 pm

    Quoting JuicyBBW1001:
    Wow LT big huggs to you too and thanks for stopping by come back anytime.
thanks for the hugs juicy...and you're welcome...you have a remarkable story and thanks for sharing...


LustyTaurus 49M
21253 posts
5/13/2006 12:26 pm

    Quoting rm_MariGrrl:
    It's very courageous of you to post this. You're right, many of us on this site have come forward with our own stories of surviving abuse. You are the first man I've seen that has come forward. I'm sure there are many men on this site who have suffered in silence and I applaud you for showing them that they are not alone.
I noticed that too..and yes posting this as a man is scary, but I agree that there are men who needed to see it...thanks for your kind words.


LustyTaurus 49M
21253 posts
5/13/2006 12:29 pm

    Quoting rm_Iwillwait4u2:
    What courage you have shown..your letters like most bring tears to my eyes, and my heart just bleeds for you. But then I know your a survivor like us, of abuse. Abuse truely doens't happen to only women..it happens to men too.
    Thank you sharing ..This needs to be brought out in the open more..
    thank you for being soo strong and telling us your story.
you are very welcome willwait...and its sad how many survivors there are but I am encouraged that we can share here.


LustyTaurus 49M
21253 posts
5/13/2006 12:32 pm

thankyou very much redlips...


LustyTaurus 49M
21253 posts
5/13/2006 12:33 pm

    Quoting runzwithknives:
    Thanks you for having the courage to share this. I have read few stories of men being abused compared to females. This needs to be told.
    Tender hugs to you and your sister.

    Rosa
Thanks runz...I don't feel courageous, but I agree it needs to be told...I hope some men can heal because of this...


OboesHonedIambs 63F

5/13/2006 2:50 pm

This was a courageous post. Sexual abuse of boys is as common as it is for girls, and less talked about. My heart goes out to you and I hope you and your sister now are well on the "road to recovery" and healing. Your father was a pig and totally betrayed you both.

Instant Human -- Just Add Coffee


Cowboy_Deluxe 39M

5/13/2006 7:13 pm

I am sure your are grown past this. Abuse has many levels, and many definitions. I admire ya for putting this out here for many to read. When I did my abuse story it was hard for me, cause I'm just flinging that shit out there. I have totally forgotten about the post, about the moment I would feel that somebody wouldn't care.

Hey so I don't get too damn mushy on this shit right?

Glad you are my friend.


rm_LilBlondeNZ 41F
1028 posts
5/13/2006 7:17 pm

LT- This post is both heartbreaking and amazing.

Kids are kids are kids... boy or girl, abusing a kid is the worst thing I think anyone can do.

Men very rarely come out with their stories for various reasons; generally society is not as accepting and supportive for some reason. Or men don't want to admit that they were vicitimized (as if they could have avoided it because they were boys, not girls).

I hope your post helps someone else seek help. Sexual abuse history highly coincides with suicide in men...

Hugs from NY...

A


LustyTaurus 49M
21253 posts
5/14/2006 9:56 am

    Quoting OboesHonedIambs:
    This was a courageous post. Sexual abuse of boys is as common as it is for girls, and less talked about. My heart goes out to you and I hope you and your sister now are well on the "road to recovery" and healing. Your father was a pig and totally betrayed you both.
I know us guys can sometimes clam up when we most need to talk...so hopefully this helps pry open a few souls...TY for the support.


LustyTaurus 49M
21253 posts
5/14/2006 9:59 am

    Quoting Cowboy_Deluxe:
    I am sure your are grown past this. Abuse has many levels, and many definitions. I admire ya for putting this out here for many to read. When I did my abuse story it was hard for me, cause I'm just flinging that shit out there. I have totally forgotten about the post, about the moment I would feel that somebody wouldn't care.

    Hey so I don't get too damn mushy on this shit right?

    Glad you are my friend.
I'd like to think I'm past it all...but a few remnants remain, like having a poor body image...I just avoid mirrors...LOL. Thanks for the support Cowboy..


LustyTaurus 49M
21253 posts
5/14/2006 10:01 am

    Quoting rm_LilBlondeNZ:
    LT- This post is both heartbreaking and amazing.

    Kids are kids are kids... boy or girl, abusing a kid is the worst thing I think anyone can do.

    Men very rarely come out with their stories for various reasons; generally society is not as accepting and supportive for some reason. Or men don't want to admit that they were vicitimized (as if they could have avoided it because they were boys, not girls).

    I hope your post helps someone else seek help. Sexual abuse history highly coincides with suicide in men...

    Hugs from NY...

    A
The history of being abused was certainly a factor in me wanting to leave this world permanently...thanks for the support and encouragement for me and all the abused survivors out here...it means a lot...


OboesHonedIambs 63F

5/14/2006 11:53 am

It occurs to me that surviving molestation and sexual abuse is a life long process - the impact is so deep and we're affected on so many different levels. I think it is always with us and working with the aftermath is like peeling an onion. One layer peels away and we do good for a period of time and have whatever equanimity we've achieved. Then something else can comes up that brings us back to it, but from a different angle or view, so then the metaphorical onion needs to get peeled again. Based on my experience as a survivor, I don't think that is a bad thing because each time we go through that process, we have better understanding of ourself, we have better emotional or psychological skills to work with that helps us.

I think you're doing a good thing and I like your suggestion that you guys here who're also survivors create a group to talk about it.

Instant Human -- Just Add Coffee


LustyTaurus 49M
21253 posts
5/14/2006 5:55 pm

    Quoting OboesHonedIambs:
    It occurs to me that surviving molestation and sexual abuse is a life long process - the impact is so deep and we're affected on so many different levels. I think it is always with us and working with the aftermath is like peeling an onion. One layer peels away and we do good for a period of time and have whatever equanimity we've achieved. Then something else can comes up that brings us back to it, but from a different angle or view, so then the metaphorical onion needs to get peeled again. Based on my experience as a survivor, I don't think that is a bad thing because each time we go through that process, we have better understanding of ourself, we have better emotional or psychological skills to work with that helps us.

    I think you're doing a good thing and I like your suggestion that you guys here who're also survivors create a group to talk about it.
It takes a long time for those "triggers" of the shame response and guilt etc to go away...I suppose an online group may be helpful for this...have to give that some thought...thanks again for your support.


Nightguy_1961 56M
4866 posts
5/17/2006 2:00 pm

LT

You have my respect, sir, for speaking out about this.

While I cannot even begin to comprehend what you went through, you came through it and have dealt with it to the best of your ability.

Maybe I should talk about my past....maybe....

NG61...fading back into the shadows....


rm_kelli4u2dew 42F
5220 posts
5/17/2006 8:05 pm

I'm so sorry. Hugs.


rm_CuummDrop 50F
2591 posts
5/17/2006 10:25 pm

Hugssss... you have given me the strength to tell of my own... Thank you so much Lusty... Thank you...

Now won't last forever, so use it wisely~c


lightswitch1963 70M/54F

5/18/2006 7:39 pm

Hi,
Sorry as hell, my mother did the same to me, "He wouldn't do that." Nobody knows that the same thing happened to my daughter, but he did time. My husband was the lucky one, he got through life without it. I hope "Howie" is rotting in hell along with the perv that did it to me. It took a lot of courage, and makes you a real man in my book. hugs, kisses, and prayers going your way, love. My blog is "Why do they" if you're interested.


LustyTaurus 49M
21253 posts
5/18/2006 9:37 pm

    Quoting Nightguy_1961:
    LT

    You have my respect, sir, for speaking out about this.

    While I cannot even begin to comprehend what you went through, you came through it and have dealt with it to the best of your ability.

    Maybe I should talk about my past....maybe....

    NG61...fading back into the shadows....
thanks for that Night Guy...and your story that I know not may help someone else NG...including me.


LustyTaurus 49M
21253 posts
5/18/2006 9:39 pm

Kelli, I read the posts you made about your history...just terrible and sad...I am sorry to...*HUGS*


LustyTaurus 49M
21253 posts
5/18/2006 9:40 pm

    Quoting rm_CuummDrop:
    Hugssss... you have given me the strength to tell of my own... Thank you so much Lusty... Thank you...
I'll be sure to read it cuummdrop, and thankyou.


LustyTaurus 49M
21253 posts
5/18/2006 9:43 pm

    Quoting lightswitch1963:
    Hi,
    Sorry as hell, my mother did the same to me, "He wouldn't do that." Nobody knows that the same thing happened to my daughter, but he did time. My husband was the lucky one, he got through life without it. I hope "Howie" is rotting in hell along with the perv that did it to me. It took a lot of courage, and makes you a real man in my book. hugs, kisses, and prayers going your way, love. My blog is "Why do they" if you're interested.
I'm sorry for the suffering you've had to bear lightswitch...I know too well the helplessness, shame and anger that comes with it...thanks for sharing and I will come for a visit...thanks


rm_silvH 52F
3 posts
5/20/2006 10:46 am

My God i cried when i read this........
I hopw life gets beter for you now.
no one ever! male or female should have to go through that.
god bless to you my thoughts are with you.


LustyTaurus 49M
21253 posts
5/20/2006 1:52 pm

    Quoting rm_silvH:
    My God i cried when i read this........
    I hopw life gets beter for you now.
    no one ever! male or female should have to go through that.
    god bless to you my thoughts are with you.
Thanks so much for the blessing..and you are right


PrincessKarma 44F
6188 posts
7/13/2006 4:49 pm

*gives the hurt little boy that's still there a loving protective hug*

The Big Bang was the mother of all orgasms.PrincessKarma


LustyTaurus replies on 7/13/2006 7:24 pm:
thanks PK...

rm_aWench4U 62M/62F
741 posts
7/14/2006 9:57 pm

Lusty,

I am a new standard member, so I can't initiate contact as I understand "the rules." However, I would REALLY like to "talk" to you about this, for reasons I don't want to post here. Could you please email me, so I can explain what I'm talking about? Thank you SO much. Bless you for being so open.

Angel

Remember the past but do not dwell there.
Face the future where all our hopes stand.


~Angela


LustyTaurus replies on 12/19/2006 9:02 pm:
hey...this is waayyy late responding, but you can e-mail me here as a standard, I pay for that privilege.

marathonman45202 54M
6640 posts
7/21/2006 5:51 am

Wow! Thanks for this post! I'm sure your honesty and vulnerability here has (and will be) been a help to many guys who have had similar experiences.


LustyTaurus replies on 12/19/2006 9:03 pm:
thanks mm..

Cozy_Red 51F

7/21/2006 6:06 pm

Your post is extremely brave and open , I personally know many men who have had this happen to them too at various ages. Its a plague and a tarnish on this country to have so many pedos out there. There need to be much tougher laws for sex offenders, to keep them off the street after their first attack. They are filthy animals.

Your braver than you know...
C~






LustyTaurus replies on 12/19/2006 9:03 pm:
thanks Red...men tend not to talk about this stuff

red_hot_trucker 59F

12/17/2006 10:56 pm

I don't know if you'll see this comment, this far down the line here, but I'll leave it anyway.

I admire and respect your courage to let this out. I know how hard this was to do, I'm still holding some of mine in. It's not something you just toss out with the football stats.

I am in tears. No, this is email time.





[post 1785076]


LustyTaurus replies on 12/19/2006 9:04 pm:
hey n2...you can e-mail me anytime about this stuff, or anything else...

4playdates 50M/45F  
259 posts
2/1/2007 2:59 pm

Wow. As said, this took guts. I have so many thoughts swirling around right now.

Part of me is jealous you were angry, I wanted to be and I was always taught that I was supposed to be the soft, hurt victim... because I'm a girl. Well, I was, am and probably always will be angry.

I've told my father if he ever lays a finger on my niece I will kill him with pleasure.

Generational... yes, on both sides. Many years spent wondering "Why me?" Why on both sides? Why by so many? What am I supposed to learn from this? Why am I not allowed to express my anger?

Why didn't people protect me? Why does my father's family still blame me that it happened? How can they still think I asked for it?

When I disclosed people told me, when you have kids this age, this won't be happening anymore because its out in the open now.

Well, I'm never having kids (my choice to be sterilized) and part of the reason is that I couldn't bear the pain if I had kids and they were molested and part of it is because I couldn't live with it if someone ELSE that I loved turned out to be a molester.

Righteous anger is a powerful thing. That is probably the biggest lesson I've learned. Focusing it on those who deserve it. I have spent 2/3 of my life in counseling and therapy and while it has been invaluable, you know what? I will not forgive.

I will not forgive them for what they did. I will not forgive others for what they didn't do. I'm not going to bury my sense of self in the cult of love and forgiveness. It took me 30 years to find me. And I'm not going back in that box.

Because, like you, it was almost a coffin more times than I care to remember.

I wish you strength and I wish you peace. It's wonderful to hear that you are protecting your family. That makes me happy.

~xoxo~
4play

~xoxo~
4 Play


LustyTaurus replies on 2/4/2007 1:37 am:
unfortunately, as abuse victims we have many questions that one, cannot be answered and two, although logical to us...we should never be asking them...they aren't relevant...like the why did this happen to me??...it just did, there is no 'personal' why answer..but it's hard to accept. If we had a reason it would make more sense than simply being there.

The person you need to forgive is not the absuser(s)...it's yourself...you need to forgive yourself for not fighting back, for not talking sooner, for not getting angry etc.

You're ok, you're beautiful, you're loveable...just because you're alive...

hippiechick1967 54F  
12084 posts
2/1/2007 8:52 pm

LT, I just came here from the link off your most recent blog. I want to thank you for coming forward with this story. I was molested and demoralized over a period of several years as a child, from age 6-11, by a parade of boyfriends my mother brought home. I finally got sick of it and left home for good at age 13. I was considered "mature" and "thoughtful" for my age, and was able to live with friends in their thirties here and there. I was for my first sexual experience at age 15, and then went out and found a 23 year-old guy who could take over the handling of my life for me, as I was done and on auto-pilot for a while.

My early life experiences have left me with deep-rooted feelings of worthlessness and shame. I struggle with these demons on a daily basis, and with trying to find some forgiveness in my heart for the sick fucks who took my childhood from me. I cannot forgive.

Your story did something very important for me: it helped me to see that men can sometimes also be victims. I don't think I can convey to you just how important reading your blog has been to me tonight.

Thank you.

hippiechick

Elevate me...


LustyTaurus replies on 2/4/2007 1:43 am:
First of all I'm so sorry you had to endure all that...

I understand the feelings of being unloveable and worthless...it does get easier as we work through the effects of abuse. A big part of it for me wasn't even the abuse itself...it was the huge guilt I carried for "letting" it happen to me. I needed to forgive myself for all the real and imagined responsibilities I felt had in it...once I truly did that and let it go, I started getting better.

KittyKatPurring 55F
5461 posts
2/2/2007 1:17 pm

My brother and I, along with many cousins know where you are coming from...but your right, my brother doesn't talk about it and as far as I know he has never gone for help. Too many of my cousins gave in and left us by their own hand. What is worse is that I know I can not stop them all of them.

Trying anyway
Kat

~There came a time when the risk to remain tight in the bud was more painful than the risk it took to blossom~
~Anais Nin~



LustyTaurus replies on 2/4/2007 1:44 am:
I'm sorry to hear all this kitty......if there's anything I can do, just let me know.

KittyKatPurring 55F
5461 posts
2/4/2007 12:20 pm

LustyTaurus replies on 2/4/2007 3:44 am:
I'm sorry to hear all this kitty......if there's anything I can do, just let me know.

LustyTaurus
Thank you so much, what a caring person you are. Knowing where you come from I know your offer is sincere.

I "let go", so to speak...most of the time. I have forgiven, though not forgotten, every single person who hurt us. Holding on to anger was hurting me, way more than any one of them.

I realized that no one was ever going to apologize...so, I let it go...almost. Because I remember and because I broke the silent legacy, they all know that I am watching them, very...very closely.

Thank you again for your offer and I will definitely keep it in mind!
Kat

~There came a time when the risk to remain tight in the bud was more painful than the risk it took to blossom~
~Anais Nin~



LustyTaurus replies on 2/13/2007 9:14 pm:
being silent is NEVER the best choice...the truth will set us free...

Artimus4U 56F

2/7/2007 4:03 pm

As a survivor of abuse and sexual abuse I can identify with your story. You lost several things that night including your innocence, and your ability to trust.

The hard part is how we feel about ourselves after. The helplessness and the incredulty when we explain it to some who dont understand.

Not everyone is like that. I think we are still here to make sure the others dont have a stage to themselves. We tell our truths so it cant happen again. So that someone will hear and make it stop.

- Artimus

-rtimus
Bard of Norcal


LustyTaurus replies on 2/13/2007 9:15 pm:
I'm so sorry you had to suffer abuse...it is not fun. The best we can do is try and help stop it.

redswallow777 49M
6811 posts
2/13/2007 8:38 am

I find few posts here in blogland that really touch me to the core...this one did. You are a good man Lusty and a good example for all of us. As long as this stuff remains hidden in a family it continues to hurt all. And the saddest thing about your story was that your dad was an accomplice rather than your protector.

Thank you for telling your story.


LustyTaurus replies on 2/13/2007 9:18 pm:
hey Red...thank you for the kind words...if I can help stop this from happening to another or help another heal....that's all I want to do.

rm_lucytart 51F
590 posts
2/15/2007 12:44 am

Congratulations on posting this. It's the beginning of your healing. I'm sorry you had to go through this, but I'm glad you've grown past it. You are a good man.


LustyTaurus replies on 2/15/2007 11:43 am:
thank you for the kind words...I appreciate it...

LHJB 57F

2/17/2007 9:17 am

I just began to explore the world of blogs here on this site in hopes of finding the "real" people. Well, that I did indeed find. I had so many emotions flowing as I read your words and the tears just flowed silently down my cheeks. As it appears many are, I too was a victim of abuse but it was more emotional and mental than physical. I spent years trying to figure it out and even the counselors and therapists had trouble helping me. My father was an alcoholic and one of the most vivid memories I have is of him pointing a gun in my face and pulling the trigger. Another was of him pouring a boiling hot pot of water on my mother as I stood there watching. All the while I had been working on trying to "get over" these memories and their affects. I finally learned an invaluable lesson about how to "throw them in the trash" in their rightful place and carry on with my life as the worthwhile human being that I am. Unfortunately, the anger and hatred that I had toward my father led me to leave my home and never return. I was estranged from my family for 8 years when I attempted to build a relationship with my parents again. That did not last past a year. I had been estranged from them again for 6 years when I received the call that my father was dying. I always wondered how I would react to the news of his death. I was shocked that I cried. My sister said he wanted to see me so I made the effort and flew home. He knew I was coming and had been asking all morning when I would arrive. When I did, there were no hugs or gestures of love, he was already in his last moments of life. I introduced him to my two children I had brought and watched as he took his last breathe not 10 minutes after I walked in the door. He refused to ever apologize to me for the things I had endured of his doing through all the years, yet I saw those last minutes as his way of apologizing and my way of forgiving. It seems many of those here who were abused still have relationships with their abusers and I find it difficult to fathom doing that. You must be much stronger individuals than I am. My heart goes out to each and everyone of you who have suffered any type of abuse. I live without regrets for the past. I chose to life for the here and now and not in my past.

LustyTaurus, I was once told during a time in my life when I was overwhelmed by the woes in the world and feeling helpless to change them, that we need to take care of our own corner of the world and that our efforts will reach farther than we could have imagined. I think that is true for you. You are taking care of your corner, and in sharing your thoughts and stories with us, you are affecting many much further than you could have ever reached in any other way. You are to be commended for that. To share the pains you have endured and your strength in overcoming is honorable. I like to live by the saying "Think globally, act locally." You have indeed acted locally but touched many globally. I thank you for being an individual who is strong enough to share with us. I am so happy to have finally found where the "real" people have been hiding here.
Hugs to all who have shared.
LHJB


LustyTaurus replies on 2/18/2007 5:00 pm:
LHJB...thanks for your sharing and your most kind words. It seems like as soon as sex and abuse are used in the same line it is seen as worse than "regular" abuse...and that is just not the case. I'm so sorry you had to endure such a childhood and you also are strong because you are here...sharing your story......thankyou.

rm_dimples565 69F
24436 posts
9/1/2007 7:31 pm

I am also glad you brought this out in the open for other men. Another misconception is that only men physically abuse women. This is also false. There are men who are physically abused by their wifes also. It is the same with custody battles over kids in a divorce. There are many cases the children need to be with the father.

A Drama Free Blog with Smiles



MY PRIVATE LITTLE CORNER


LustyTaurus replies on 10/6/2007 10:21 pm:
yeah, you're absolutely right Dimples...thanks for your comments...

TheOracleofFire 98F

9/2/2007 1:04 pm

I see many have shared their condolences but here I must thank you for your strength and compassion. There were many sexual abusers in my past... including my husband. I felt like I had compressed all the abuser personalities of my past and found the One who would fulfill all levels. It was painful to realize and harder to escape.

Not ready to share this again. I did on my last profile and found that it was hard to share... and I only touched on my husband's abuse... leaving out my brother, neighbors, uncles and cousin. Yes, I was groomed at 4 and had mind body seperation. I would lay silent and frozen. I cannot remember penitration but I know it happened... I can remember up to the moment of penitration or remember the humping... what hurts the most, like you, was my little sister and how she became my brother's victem for over ten years of her life. Both have passed on now and I ponder their karma together... leaving with my mother when I was ten, and both dying in young adulthood.

L'Oracle de L'Amour


LustyTaurus replies on 10/6/2007 10:33 pm:
I appreciate your words very much...and I admire you for surviving and keeping such a warm heart...

gadytfol 59M

9/3/2007 7:45 pm

I had never read this until now and I find that for once on here I am without words to express the sense of rage that I feel. It saddens me to think that any child should ever live that way.

peace

My blog is a free-fire zone. Come armed with a sense of humor


LustyTaurus replies on 10/6/2007 10:33 pm:
thanks Lofty...I appreciate your thoughts, more than you know...

redrobin012057 61F

9/3/2007 11:34 pm

Words fail me.... I didn't read this until now....how shocking it is that you told your father and he did nothing about it but to let it continue??????FARKIN BLOODY HELL!!! and thats putting it mildly..... I am truely sorry for what happened to you and your sisters.May their souls burn in hell fire for all eternity


LustyTaurus replies on 10/6/2007 10:34 pm:
thanks robin, for your support here...

intrepid195757 60M/64F

12/16/2007 9:30 pm

My heart breaks for the little boy in you that had to go through something sooooo horrific.......I'm just so so so sorry LT but I'm thankful that you posted this and I really hope that it has helped! Bless you for what you are doing! I wish you happiness and continuous blessings!


~cheri~

Sometimes we underestimate the power of a touch, a smile, a kind word, a listening ear, an honest compliment, or the smallest act of caring, all of which have the potential to turn a life around.


LustyTaurus replies on 12/24/2007 6:39 am:
thank you Cheri. for your support and kindness...

Merry Christmas!

Brad_is_horny 37M/36F
1420 posts
8/8/2009 3:36 pm

"when the skeletons come out of the closet,
it's hard not to break a few bones..."
-Me

You have great strength in sharing this.
it disgusts me how much this happens every day...everywhere.
All I know is we have to do the right thing for our children
and through their happiness may the healing begin.

Meg


LustyTaurus replies on 12/9/2009 8:55 pm:
Hope is a great healer, and our children are our future I agree. It scares the bejesus out of me sometimes and I try very hard to do the things and provide the tools to my kids that they need to live free from what we went through.

Thanks for the support Meg...

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