Thinking Can Be a Bad Thing...  

LoyaltyandHonor 36M/32F
3114 posts
4/1/2006 7:33 am

Last Read:
4/3/2006 5:53 am

Thinking Can Be a Bad Thing...

Allsleeky recently mentioned in her blog about partners seeking other partners that have similarities with their parents.

This is both a subconscious choice and a conscious choice. All of the problems between my girlfriend and I are because she does things that remind me of my mother. To me, this is an instant turn-off and normally leads to an immediate argument.

These similarities did not come to the surface till we had been dating for 6 months already. It is possible that they were there from the beginning and I just didn’t pick up on them until our relationship actually began to go somewhere.

Now I am faced with the choice of possibly marrying someone that is identical to my mother, or ending that relationship.

Sure my mother has many good qualities, but the ones my girlfriend has that are identical to my mother’s are not the good ones.

Things like…

Throwing trash and wrappers all over the place and saying, “I’ll pick them up later.” Of course, I am the one who picks them up later because she is either too lazy to do it or forgets about doing it.

Never cleaning up after herself when she cooks. I really hate the fact that she doesn’t keep her area clean while she is cooking as well. If she was more organized, there wouldn’t be such a large mess to clean up afterwards.

Thankfully I don’t know anything about my mother in a sexual sense. I just wish my girlfriend knew more about dragging out foreplay. I think she fails to realize that kissing and cuddling will always feel better to me in an intimate sense than vaginal penetration ever will. After seven months, she still fails to see that kissing is the only way I become erect. Looking at her naked body or touching her does absolutely nothing for me at all. It’s not until our bodies are pressed against each other and our lips are locked that I actually become aroused. You would think she would realize this since I will begin to get turned off if we are in a position that stops me from being able to kiss her frequently. I am deeply depressed with this considering she has had sex with several other men. She should know more about this stuff than I do. Or perhaps all of the sex therapists and doctors in our world are right… those of us men and women who wait a long period of time before having sex, often know and have a much deeper understanding for it than everyone else.

I think the thing that gets me the most upset is that she never changes regardless of how much I talk to her about these things. She seems to listen and care and everything will be fine for about twelve hours. After that period, everything turns backwards again and she is doing all the things I tried to get her to stop doing.

Sometimes I come to the realization that I was right when I began posting blogs here over a year ago…

I was a heck of a lot happier and smarter than I realized before when I was a “virgin” and “single”.

Who knows?


LoyaltyandHonor 36M/32F
1241 posts
4/2/2006 6:51 am

I totally agree baby...

That is exactly how I have been thinking about these "habits".

I have not decided yet. She is still only 20 and some of them may change. I just don't know if I want to risk investing 5 or more years into something that might not ever change.

rm_BabyIsHotxx 49F
16 posts
4/1/2006 3:29 pm

There are 2 comments i wanted to make about this.

First, i can completely understand how you feel about kissing. In my opinion, making love starts and ends with kissing, with lots of it sprinkled along the way. Any time things start getting off track or awkward, i just want to return to kissing, and smooth out the details from there.

Second, concerning the similarity in traits with your mother.... i had a woman tell me that her new husband has a lot of annoying habits that she would sometimes get really upset about. But then she said this. EVERYONE has bad habits that will grate on other people. You just need to take stock and decide whether you can live with ALL of the bad habits of your partner for the rest of your life. If the answer is no to any of them(no matter how small), then the match is likely to fall apart at some point. If you think you can accept all their bad habits without slowly building up anger or resentment, then the good things about them are waiting for you to enjoy.

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