Need a little advice...  

LoyaltyandHonor 37M/32F
3114 posts
3/24/2005 6:06 am

Last Read:
3/5/2006 9:27 pm

Need a little advice...

I want to get some peoples opinion about a issue I am having…

For a couple of years now I have been having some trouble with my boss at work…

He makes sexual remarks about numerous women that I work with, he won’t allow us to watch anything but the Howard Stern show during our breaktime. One instance was… a younger gal I work with came in wearing a bandana around her waist, my boss came up to me and asked me if I had noticed the “cum rag” wrapped around her waist. Recently he approached me and told me to go check out some dating site so I could get laid, I told him I was not interested in girls and that I preferred women. I came back to work the next day and another employee approached me and told me that my boss had been going around telling people that I told him I did not like women at all and that I was gay. On another instance I sent flowers to a girl at work while I was “off the clock”. When I came into work the next night my boss came up to me and told me that “I should never send flowers to a woman unless they do something to earn it first”. I find this and the other examples to be wrong; they are a violation of company policy as well as state and federal law.

I have filed 3 written complaints now in the past 4 weeks. Management told me they were going to talk to other employees and see what is going on. It has been 3 weeks since then and none of the management members have spoken to a single person. They didn’t even speak to the guy that I named was a witness to him going around telling people I am gay. In the meeting I had with them after my first complaint I told them flat out that this was harassment and that it was illegal. I told them I could go hire a lawyer if I wanted to and they agreed that it was in fact rather serious harassment. They asked me to allow them the chance to deal with it and I said ok.

They recently held a meeting and told us that if we did not like what was on the TV then we could either deal with it or “not” take a break at all. I spoke up and said, “fine, if we can watch Howard Stern then you guys wouldn’t mind if I bring in my sex books to work with me?” They said that if we have an issue with someone then we have to take it up with them directly. They did make the point that we are to act as if the store is open at all times. We are not to swear or discuss sexual issues at work. However, this has not changed anything, my boss is still making the same comments.

The Howard Stern show is no longer allowed, they agreed that it was only fair that I be allowed to bring my sex books to work if that show could be watched. Obviously the female employees would complain if they walked in and saw my books, so they decided that I can not bring my books and we can not watch that show.

He still makes comments to people that I claimed to be gay, and management will not do anything. They actually won’t even comment on the issue at all.

How would you handle this? Obviously my managers are trying to defend my boss. There have been 13 other complaints filed against my boss just this past 6 months and the managers have not done anything about any of them.

rm_toohotque 51M
179 posts
3/27/2005 9:16 am

All they have to do is pay your unemployment,, damages you would claim would be trivial except for the potential there would be several others doing the same thing. Together you might then be in line for restitution.

In my understanding of this world,, you are out of a job.

Sounds like you are a male employee in a dance bar.


LoyaltyandHonor 37M/32F
1241 posts
3/25/2005 4:51 am

What bothers me the most is they have not questioned any of the witnesses I gave them, and it has been 3 weeks, almost 4 weeks now since I filed my two previous complaints.


3/24/2005 7:18 pm

If you have indeed filed a complaint, move it to the next level of management. Since I don't your company structure, the complaint you filed could be your last defense. If so, hire an attorney. Keep detailed, explict notes of dates, times, witnesses who may have heard the commment. Don't tape record, it's not admissible. If you have questions, please let me know.

rm_lickeetung 59F

3/24/2005 5:37 pm

It may be an assumption on your part that management has not done anything about this. (I'm just trying to show you the other side. Sometimes in a heated issue like this it's hard to maintain objectivity) After all, they did put an end to the Howard Stern Show and agreed that harrassment is serious........and it is. It sounds like you are aware of the sexual harrassment policy within your organization. That is the first the policy. They may well have spoken to him and you're just not privy to that information. He just may not be taking this seriously......and he should. I would imagine the best course of action is to make sure you don't in any way bring up sexual topics or join in on a debate with him if he pulls you into one. It's okay to feel angry if he makes degrading comments about co-workers or yourself. It's actually okay to tell him how it makes you feel and that you feel it's harrassing and in violation of policy and federal law.....but don't get into a debate on sexual topics. This may put you at risk. If you're not comfortable with that, send him a letter and copy it to his superior requesting a meeting and be clear and direct in that meeting stating what it is you find offensive. He may be oblivious to his actions .... or uncaring.....but at least you'll have a witness there. Be sure to keep your cool and not fall into anything that might put you in the same light. Keep track of his offenses and continue to file complaints according to the company policy. It does sound like they have taken some actions that you know of and perhaps there are some you may not know of. If it were my workplace, they may have mandated some sort of counseling, or at least an evaluation and referral of some sort. A decent employer would give fair warning to the harasser and try to help. They may not be able to confidentially communicate all of their actions. So be their eyes and ears, and if infractions continue....just keep reporting it. Keep it factual, keep a record of behaviors, comments, witnesses, times, dates, etc. Do some internet searches on the topic (I'm sure you already have), know the laws, there's lots of advice on-line for this. It's a tough situation to be in, especially when it angers.....but that's exactly why there are laws to protect employees from this. Good Luck, stand strong, and be smart! I give you a lot of credit for taking action on this. Ignoring this behavior doesn't stop it.......taking action will.

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