Just something on my mind  

LovelyLadyLumpzz 41F
319 posts
2/9/2006 2:00 pm

Last Read:
3/5/2006 9:27 pm

Just something on my mind


If two people are part of a swingers group on here, and they both go to the meet and greets, and have conversations with each other, and generally are pleasant towards each other; is it fair for one to assume that that person would have sex with them at a party? Is there suppose to be a connection between politeness and having sex? And eventually when it comes time to the party and this one person is going to ask the other to have sex, what happens if they say no? Will they still have pleasant conversations at the the meet and greets? Or will they never talk again? Would it have been better to have never been polite and ignored the person so they wouldn't have gotten the wrong idea? Is that really how things work, you are only nice to the people you are interested in sexually and maintain politeness until you get them naked, but if they say no, all deals are off?

smackyman 47M
3849 posts
2/10/2006 10:03 pm

Amature opinion here, (read - uniformed!) having never been to a meet and greet. But I would hope that even if you said 'no thanks' to someone that you been polite to in conversation that they would have enough class/commom semse to be able to seperate the desire to have sex and common courtesy between two people.
Ignoring someone is NEVER really a good idea...just not very nice...


rm_Iwilpleaseu 53M
5 posts
2/12/2006 10:54 am

Hi Lady,

another uninformed voice here, but from my understanding of the lifestyle, it is to be perfectly ok NOT to have sex with anyone and everyone at a meet and greet, but still have the class and respect to be polite, and of course, be polite in declining an invitation. I agree with smackyman on this too, being polite should NEVER be used to decline, more people do it, more people become clamped down, and then the only qwuestions being asked are "want some dick ?" and that of course is not the intent of a meet and greet I would think (do let me know if I am wrong here, since I have not been to a swinger meet and greet yet)


rm_wetkitty1963 55F

2/13/2006 8:46 am

Hi Lovely:

I experienced that exactly. I met someone here, had a grand time chatting. Playful, helpful, truthful. Got together at a meet and greet. Had a good time. Lots of laughs, conversation, goodnight kiss on the cheek.

More time chatting. He asked, said I wasn't sure, never to be heard from again.

I think there is a misunderstanding between Meet and Greets and Parties. They are to very different things. Meet and greets are informal get together's at a bar or restaurant. All clothing stays on. Talking, getting to know each other is the name of the game. Some ask for more, in the bathroom, parking lot, car, tomorrow....next week, whatwever. You can always say no, I'd like to get to know you first is what I always answer. Those who respect that, they will continue to talk to you and that's good. Those who don't...well personally my impression was right and it's really not someone who I want to know. So we both win!

If you all agree to plan a party, yes Lovely I think it is understood that you are interested in having sex with that person. If you change your mind, well hopefully they will respect that. But you should be honest and upfront as well before the party and say that perhaps this is still new to you and you are not sure that you will go through with it. If the party planner is experienced, they should book for "back-ups". Swinger clubs are good for new people. There is no pressure to join in the sex. You can watch and get comfortable before getting physically involved. Planning private parties is more of a committment.

Kitty xxx


wabbit_1 55M
2 posts
2/13/2006 9:54 am

Hi all.

Well, I go to a sex club here in Montreal now and again and have met people in real life, meetup's and such and then at the sex club as well.. It has never even occurred to me that just cause I meet and have a good time with someone that they would have to have sex with me..

Some times everything clicks and sometimes nothing clicks.. SOMETIMES liking someone may lead to more if that person is so inclined.

That being said, if one says no thanks to the other any other response but ok, or oh well is simply not acceptable and you really have to look at yourself and wonder if your a child or not..

Humm, I'm going into rant mode.. must stop typing arggg...


rm_Wolfmaster7 66M

2/13/2006 8:59 pm

I would have to agree with kitty!


rm_bound2serveU 59M

2/14/2006 8:35 am

Hello LovelyLadyLumpzz.

Looks like they have it covered here.
Being polite is not an invitation.

There are a lot of overzealous (or overheated) people to whom “Hello” equates to “I want to have sex”.
Most people do not work on this level for someone that they do not already know, and those that do, need to seek out counseling and maybe retain a lawyer.

On the other side if it is someone we have already met and all of the posturing has been done. (The built in set of perimeters that kick in without even thinking about them, Body type, attitude, posture, pheromones and a half dozen other things are all summed up within seconds tell us if we think someone is attractive and worth investigating) Then if the base brain says YES, then “Hello” can mean, “I want to have sex”.

This really works well when the feelings are mutual and the time is right.
This really “does not” work well if the feelings are not mutual.

I think what you describe here is a lack of awareness or a misinterpretation on one parties part.
Also the environment of a M&G is considerably different from that of a party and each has its own set of acceptable behaviors and or rules. All parties should know this and behave accordingly.

I take it that this was not the case.

We all would like to be polite but some people take things the wrong way.
I think “Socially uncoordinated” is a good phrase for these people.

At the end of it, you have to remember that if you pet the stray dog on the way home at night, it will want to fallow you home,

Hump your leg,

and leave a mess on your nylons.

Enough for now.

Cheers and Bottoms up.


rm_bound2serveU 59M

2/14/2006 8:37 am

BTW.

Love the pic.


LovelyLadyLumpzz 41F

2/14/2006 9:03 am

Well, this scenerio hasn't completely played out. There is one man that goes to the meet and greets, and I think that he has more of an interest then just chatting, but thats really all I want to do. But the next party is on the 25th and we will see if he tries to make a move.


LovelyLadyLumpzz 41F

2/14/2006 9:05 am

Did I mention that I love your pic too


rm_sstat2000 59M/55F
1 post
2/19/2006 8:19 am

Not that we went to this meet and greet, but have been to others and NO means NO. Having polite conversation does not mean I want to have sex with you.
It might mean yes and may mean no but in the end it is a personal choice that MUST be respected for what ever reason

S & N


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