Should I have been honest?  

LovelyGirl323 52F
91 posts
1/22/2006 9:19 pm

Last Read:
6/15/2006 3:43 am

Should I have been honest?


I have had a terrible situation arise. There was an AdultFriendFinder member that I had been chatting with. We chatted for a couple of days and everything with those chats went wonderfully. We were both happy with the way the conversation was going and then we decided to exchange pictures. When I received this man's picture I almost fell off of my chair. I felt horror, shock and fear enter my body. I'm sure you are wondering why. No, this man was not horrific looking at all. However, I felt my body tighten and tense with fear. This gentleman looked like a twin to my father who abused me for years and years. I was speechless. It is not the same man, but the resemblance is unbelievable. I would never be able to carry on a face to face conversation with this man, let alone be intimate with him in any fashion. He is very hurt and crushed and even though he showed empathy, I know he doesn't understand.

Should I have been so honest with him or should I have found some other reason to say no to him? I honesty told him why I would never be able to take the friendship any further than it already had.

I know him will read this as well as the answers as he has been reading my profile daily. How can we help him understand that a realtionship with him could never, ever work out?

Thanks ahead of time for your input.

rm_Gentle12553 68M
1378 posts
1/22/2006 9:52 pm

I believe you were honest with him and let your deep feeling come out at the beginning of the relationship....You are to be congratulated. Yes, it might have hurt the guy, and you seem really sorry for that, but....you have to consider how any kind of a relationship would have affected you....Give the guy time, with what you have written above I think he will come around and believe you.


timberwolf6972 45M

1/22/2006 10:54 pm

HI LOVELY, THE TRUTH SHALL SET YOU FREE, I THINK AS LONG AS YOU ARE HONEST ABOUT THE WHOLE THING THEN YOU SHOULD BE ABLE TO LIVE WITH IT, SOMETIMES PEOPLE WILL BE REALLY UNDERSTANDING AS LONG AS YOU ARE JUST STRAIGHT WITH THEM AND DONT JERK THEM AROUND BUT IF NOT ITS JUST THEIR PROBLEM.


keithcancook 61M
17978 posts
1/22/2006 11:05 pm

It's difficult, and I'm sure you are sad, but you did the right thing by being honest. The truth is usually the best way to go. Even if it hurts.

Blog On!


rm_SirReal1966 51M
109 posts
2/1/2006 11:54 pm

Honesty is very important ESPECIALLY in the arena of on-line dating. I have met more that a few people that could take a page from your book. As hurtful as it may seem...the honesty now is far better than honesty later on...

And Your Point Is?


Kaliedascope61 43M
4084 posts
2/6/2006 10:26 pm

I know that was probably diffucult on both parties, I could only imagine being on the recieving end of that. I doubt I could take it with out being angry for just being who I am. I guess for me personally I'd rather you lie to me, then tell me that. Somethings I just wouldn't want to know, that would be one of them.


NEsailor 70M

5/9/2006 5:52 am

Other side of the coin.....

He sounds like a nice guy. You could, perhaps, find it curative or theraputic.


rvrgv 62M

6/14/2006 6:48 pm

I think it depends on what you really felt comfortable in doing.... To me that should be one of the founding principles of AdultFriendFinder and its memebers.... When to say "no" or "that's enought" or even "just not right now" should be respected.... If the pain is yours and you did not feel comfortable in sharing that pain then maybe a gentle redirection for this gentleman sould be in order.... I don't thin he would be "suffering" nearly as much as you had/have/are.... You're most important in this situation....


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