Frustrated with myself  

Lookng4RealMan 66F
2355 posts
4/2/2006 9:34 am
Frustrated with myself

I am so frustrated with myself. I am at such a loss as to why I'm not able to get over this man. In the past it has not been a problem like this. Even when my marriage ended it was not like this. I'm a strong woman with many good qualities that a good man would want in a woman. And I do deserve to find a good man to appreciate them. Thought I had found one because he kept saying and doing ALL the right things, until he woke up angry one day, blew a gasket and cut me off. That should make him no longer worthy, right? I know that in my head. My heart can't give up. But with all the thinking I've been doing lately I'm beginning to wonder if it's some kind of genetic thing. I know it sounds stupid, but my brother and his wife fought like cats and dogs,the entire time before their marriage. Not speaking for months at a time except for occasional screaming at each other. They've been happily married now for over 25 years. But my son also finds himself in the same situation now. She gets angry and won't talk to him, he doesn't know why, screams at her, then they talk for a brief time and it starts all over. I can't help him because I don't understand.

I hate to think I'm going to have to spend my life in a string of meaningless purely sexual relationships and never know what it's like to be really in love with someone that loves me back. I'm too good for that. But I feel like I need to identify this character flaw in myself that makes a quality man explode at me and leave, yet come back and do it all over again. I don't require a lot like many women, just the knowledge of what's going on. I didn't realize that was too much to ask for.

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