Oh brother  

Lonelywoman56 61F
45 posts
2/2/2006 6:47 pm

Last Read:
3/5/2006 9:27 pm

Oh brother


Here we go again, only now I really beleive I have become bulletproof. Missle proof.
Someone the other day said something about spirit.
I laughed and said " I dont have one, I'm dead"
He laughed, he thought I was kidding, I smiled back.
He will never know that was the most honest thing I have said in years.
# 1 Coincidence
# 2 Internal over reaction?
# 3 Here comes # 3 or should I say...there it goes
I didnt even blink an eye

Well like they always say...Fuck em if they can't take a joke.

Am I upset? Hell no, and Babydoll that is what I'm sad about. Just a shell, an outside covering. Like the targets you hit with your bow. The arrow goes in...the arrow comes out.No damage done, no blood. Blood would signify life.If something has life in it it may possibly be alive. Do I miss the pain? No.
I miss the ability to feel, it comes and goes so fleetingly. Last night I seperated from a dear, dear friend. Today a possible turn of events, not related.
I feel like
a piece
of
cardboard.

I wish I could go to bed and cry myself to sleep, but I wont I will numbly stand up and walk like a zombie to my soft grave. Another night of nightmares where I desperately fly around trying to save someone.
I've given up on myself for the night. I'm mad at my self for some reason.
Is there full moon coming? Everything is so dramatic and final.
Yes...... its time for bed.. Goodnight to you,whoever is out there.
Goodnight to me, if I do exist. Yes I exist, but that is all I do.
I should really stay up all night and create a masterpiece .......draw one right on my living room wall. A full size painting of my soul. All grey and unclear, smudged, runny and ???

SpaceRangerNJ 56M
4687 posts
2/3/2006 8:27 am

I would say the sun will come out tomorrow but I think it's supposed to still be raining; assuming you are getting the same weather as us in Central Jersey.

So sorry to hear you are having a tough time.
I get pretty depressed myself sometimes. All I want to do it sleep; hide beneath the covers. Was very lonely over new years. Things were just not working out they way I wanted socially. I had expected them to be better by that point.

OK, that was the you are not alone part. And if anything, this place has taught me is that we are not alone. Many are having the same experiences. Draw strength from that.

I understand your analogy but I don't know if I have had exactly those feelings. I do know the feeling of just existing I think. Getting up, going to work, coming home, doing nothing, going to sleep and then starting it all over again. Cleaning the house and doing home things on weekends.

Sure, I'm male and would love to just fix this for you. But I can't. I can only share and hope that helps. And listen. I am one who is out there. And thank you. I had a good night. Didn't sleep all the way through but it was good enough.

And one bit of humor: If I say I can't take a joke will you fuck me?
It's just a joke. Actually I thought of putting something to that effect on a T-Shirt. Your post just reminded me of it.

Peace.
SR


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