Knowing Lisa  

LisaTgrrl 59T
29 posts
3/10/2006 10:23 am

Last Read:
5/15/2007 12:11 pm

Knowing Lisa


Hi,
I am writing this in hopes that you might understand me a bit more.

I guess the best place to start is the beginning.
I suppose i knew from a early age i was always different. Around the age of 8 or 9, i had this desire to be a girl. Although girls are giving estrogen in their bodies when they go thru their teens i had no idea about this until i was older.

So here i was 9 years old, going to the movies wishing i could be as beautiful as the actress on the screen.
Wanting everything they had and more-

As you know i am a virgo-- well, for some reason virgos can sometimes be a bit different. I know i am some what a perfectionist when it comes to things. So maybe that shows in my relationships as well.
So here i was going thru school wanting to someday be as beautiful as the other girls and wondering why that wasnt happening. Quite confusing and frustrating was how i felt about 95 percent of the time.

And since i am truely very submissive by nature, that didnt help either in future relationships with women. Crying in movies and other places well thats just the way i am.
And now that i have been on hormones for the better part of four years, i find myself even more emotional about things.

When i started on hormones-hrt- i knew what i wanted, i wanted softer skin, a more curves as in actually having hips, and i wanted breasts. I guess breasts are the real sign of being female.

Every girl wants to have breasts, and if they only get to a smaller size-- A, or B. I think they look for other ways to gain a few inches.
I tried pills of every kind. But as everyone knows breast developement depends on your dna-- and my mother was small breasted too. So i had implants!!

That brings me to the internet, you can learn about anything on the internet. I learned why i had gone thru my life feeling like i did. Which i am truely happy for. And i researched all the pros and cons of implants- saline, silicone, different sizes- etc. So two years ago i decided to go forward with getting a Breast Augmentation--I was pretty much a small B-- so i definitely wanted to go to a C or a little more- so i ended up a small D.. But its funny- if you are a D, you are not small by any means. lol

I have had various surgeries in the past-- knee surgeries(3) and i had my nose and trachel done too. So i wasnt afraid of surgery., i just wanted to get thru it without any complications. Everything went great!! only a little sore for the first month. But they are so full, and pretty i love them sooooooo much.
And last August i had my lips and cheeks done as well. All by a wonderful plastic surgeon here in Lynnwood. If i had to do my BA over again i think i would have gone a bit more-- being tall, you can really get away with alot more. I would absolutely look perfect with a DD or at least a full D.
So, a more about myself-- i discovered thru the internet that i definitely had Gender Dyshoria in 1998, and i found out that i wasnt alone out there so that made me feel alot better about myself.
So hence, my moving to Seattle from San Diego, and starting hormones, and doing different surgeries. I think if you set your mind to doing something you might as well do it right. Right?? i think so

So i am trying to be a good girl. I think you should treat others like you want to be treated. I guess i just want to be treated with respect. Maybe if i was 30 again i might be more daring in things, but even though i feel 30 i dont want to be treated like i am 30-- i hope that makes sense.

I moved to Seattle mostly out of the desire to be Lisa all the time- and i couldnt do that being around my family. It was killing me not being able to tell them everytime i saw them. And i know i would have hurt alot of them. My sister and my mother they know about me, but my father and my brothers family- i know they would have had a difficult time with it. I know sometimes it is hard for people to fully understand about how those that are transgendered feel. So if you ever have questions, i will be glad to answer any question you have.

So about me, i am pretty much 6'0, i have auburn hair--- i wear size 12 jeans, since i am fairly tall and 38D, i wear XL tops...no i don't want to be a size 3. But i would love having about a size 30 or 29 waist, and maybe being a size ten.

During the summer i like getting a tan, and wearing shorts and sandals- and of course tank tops, and tees. I am pretty much very casual about my dress, that is who i am. I never cared for wearing jeans until i started wearing women's jeans, they look so nice i think. And since i do have hips now, they do look better. giggle.

I suppose my standards are more selective in meeting people., because i think one should be selective in who they see and who they are romantic with. If i am too have a relationship with someone i suppose i should be attracted to them in a certain way. As one would be attracted to me i think.
Just rememeber that i am 47, living in a new place for the first time in her life. And i have to be cautious about who i see. I do not want to end up another statistic in the paper. I started my transition because i want to live another 30 to 40 years as Me.

So that brings me to where i am now-- and after going thru the dating scene about 25 to 30 years ago, it is soooooooo totally different now.

Relationships now seem alot more difficult to find, i am not complaining its just that everyone is alot more busy doing different things, and sometimes its hard to find the time to do things that you want.

When i was going thru therapy in San Diego, my therapist, god bless her soul, was soooo good.
She came right out and asked me once what my sexual preference is- i told her that i have never been gay, and that i only see women.
Now that would make me normal if i was in fact normal like everyone else, but since i am a TS- and still like girls, well i suppose i am a bit on the Lesbian side- but i have also been with a few men after i started my transition so i suppose now that i live here in Seattle i am basically Bi-sexual.
You might ask- does she ever want to have a Vagina?? Oh yes, in a awful way i do. Srs, as it is known to those Transgendered, is quite expensive since i live in the U.S., you have to find someone to do the surgery either here in the states or in another country.

So being a possible virgin again is kind of a scary thought. I know how hard it was last time- no it wasnt actually hard to acheive, it was just difficult to wait till you find someone that you really want to have sex with.

Anyways- i do have a few observations, and i have wondered if they actually have any merit. Do women in general think T's are invading upon their territory? Personally, i think there is plenty of territory out there for everyone, so why cannot everyone just get along and be friendly.

I ask myself, if a girl or female is bi or bi curious- why wouldn't they just love transsexuals., we have are definitely female in our thoughts and actions, and if we desire we can have almost any surgery available to look as pretty as we choose. And, then you throw in the male part, and presto- you have a pretty date or relationship.
I am trying to understand what Men want. Seeing that i have never truely understood them my entire life- and always have felt uncomfortable being like good friends with any- too me it is extremely difficult to know what they are thinking.
If someone wants to have a relationship with me, i would hope they would be kind, understanding, and tall too. Being tall actually helps because i am too. I love kissing, and too tell you the truth get horny like everyone else, but- i know how to maintain myself. I basically have a two or three date rule-- you will never get sex from me on a first date( unless i have too much wine) giggle!! Yes i love wine- i do not drink beer, and i don't like mixed drinks that much.

At one time i was tanguery and tonic person.. i loved my gin and tonic! But one particular evening in Pasadena, Ca. i had a bit too much and made a complete fool of myself. Enough said.
So i dont do mixed anymore.

And as for beer, a girl has to watch her weight- oh dear- yessssssss, i am always watching my weight. When i was in high school i was a particular weight, running, doing the sports thing- so i had a lean body, with very little body fat. After two knee surgeries and being out of work for almost six months at one time i had gained over 25 pounds and was a bit over 200. Not alot but enough to gain two waist sizes.

So since ive been on hormones, no drinking alcohol, trying to drink alot of water and watching my weight i am actually below what i weighed in H.S., and i would really love to lose about 6 pounds.
For a woman- at 5'11 to 6'0, i am a perfect weight, but some magazines say the most perfect desired weight is almost 15 to 20 pounds less!!! OMG-- i would look like twiggy--giggle- really skinny legs and no boobs--LOL

I do not think anyone would want to be with me if i was a twig, would they??

Well, i will continue later-- enough for now--

Can you tell i once wanted to major in Journalism??

Hugs and kisssssssssses Lisa xoxo

rm_tg44262 71T
4 posts
3/16/2006 3:03 pm

What a Wonderful and Lovely Letter. Thank U Sis. Kisses tg/Steph


rm_jackie40503 71T
1323 posts
3/23/2006 4:23 pm

Liza,

Thank you for taking the time to tell us about your journey to where you are at today. I always enjoy reading about the path others have taken with all of its joys and sorrows. Each of us have many of the same things we have to cope with during our early years. The same fears and confusion until we come to realize and accept who we really are.

I agree with you that that breasts seem to be the real sign of being a female. I'm still waiting for my therapist to give me ok to start hrt. He is reluctant to allow me to start since I still work full time as a male.

So far non of my family knows the truth, although I think my mother is becoming suspicious that something major is going on in my life.

I've been very fortunate in that I've been almost the same weight since I was 15. During my entire life my weight has fluctuated from 110 to 124 lbs. and since I'm only 5' 4” I'm considered slightly underweight. I actually think I'm the perfect weight for a girl -giggles-. As for cloths, I wear between a 4 and a 6 depending on the style.

Again thank you for sharing your story with us.

Love ya,
Jackie


granite97 62M
18 posts
3/26/2006 9:23 pm

Thank you for sharing and being so open about your transition. I enjoyed learning more about you. Best always.


justme77077 57M

7/12/2006 10:50 am

Thanks for sharing so much of yourself. One of the benefits of this site,(besides naked people to talk dirty and masturbate with), is people who share and help others understand their own sexuality. Being male and attracted to women, why am I also attracted to pretty gurls in the ts/tg/tv/cd category? Why do I get such a thrill dressing in lingerie? Where am I on the human sexuality scale?

As for women, I'm just a guy so can't really know but I wouuld think women would love to be with a sexy transgendered woman. Seattle is a big place, you will find someone nice.

Lynn


LynnCd2006 57T

3/1/2007 9:44 pm

Lisa, I loved reading your story. i would love it if you would email me and tell me more about the doctors you are going to and have gone to in seattle, i have recently come out to my family and am planning the hormone route and yes breast augumentation too.
lynn 265184


rm_scdub 56M
4 posts
5/8/2007 7:38 am

well done to you big decision ll the very best and hook up and we can talk nice to support someone

take care and good recovery

Dave


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