what happened to believing  

Lesthumper 63F
2 posts
7/29/2006 1:14 am

Last Read:
4/27/2010 11:07 am

what happened to believing

ive always tried to be a believer in the best of things. try to see the positive, the good over the negative. now i find im in a situation where i love and i hate. i love because i fell so deeply in love, even if it were on the internet. i fell so deeply, like the fool ive always been. yet now, i was given, every inclination that she was just as much in love with me. i dont know why i kept going back, because she broke up with me every other day and would be right back saying how much she loved me, and i would believe her. i know you are thinking, why did i go back? well i was in love. i believed in love always have. no matter what when a relationship ended i still believed in love. this time tho im having a hard time finding myself. questioning myself, being negative and wanting to spit at the site of the word love. when i hear it or when see it. i kept asking myself, what i did wrong and i keep coming up with, i loved to much, unless loving someone so much is wrong. then im guilty as sin. her comment, i didnt have to stay or go back. which is true but tell me someone thats in love, that isnt going to go back, when that person is telling them how much they love you back. so that leaves only the option, i was a fool, i dont know why im writting this. it just seems to be filling up the paper. i dont know the point of it. except maybe someone can point me the right direction. the relationship is over. i can except that. i just dont get why my feelings had to be played with. why when i was down she had to come back and kick me down some more. im so confused and hurt and angry. at her at myself. really pisses me off, how, she uses the word love so loosely. makes no sense to me and leaves a nasty taste in my mouth about love. what do i believe, just what i read. i got played and i got played hard and now, what i use to believe in is gone, and its almost like starting life over, trying to work with a bunch of fucked up pieces, that dont fit anymore. im going to think on this somemore. hopefully, i will find some peace of heart, peace of mind, sometime soon. until that time be careful who you give your heart to. cause you might end up like me. right now i have no heart to give to anyone, because it quit believing. muahh, have fun, stay safe!!!!!!!!

amoldenough 71F
16436 posts
7/29/2006 3:04 am

You gave your heart freely to someone, just as we all do, and you got hurt, just as we all do. I don't know what some folks get out of using us like pawns in a game of chess. I do know this: you will be sad, and unhapppy and depressed for a while, but gradually new friends and new interests will take over and the pain will become less and less. Best of luck to you.

"Don't cry because it's over; smile because it happened."

angelofmercy5 60F
17881 posts
7/29/2006 7:20 pm

Welcome to the blogs! The pain will go away eventually. In the meantime....look around blogland....and I think you'll see some ~hugs~ coming your way. I hope you'll stop by my blog sometime and say hello!

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