Open Relationships  

rm_LilBlondeNZ 42F
1259 posts
6/4/2006 4:23 pm
Open Relationships

I'm a pretty mellow person.

Whatever makes you happy, I'm happy for you.

As long as youre not hurting anyone and everyone's happy with the situation, great. Swap, swing, have threesomes, blow ponies, date dwarves, and party with trannies. I don't really care. It's all good.

You're an adult and it's a free country. Go wild.

But I always wonder if I could do the same things everyone else writes about.

Sometimes I say "Wooohooo! Sexy!!! I could do with some of that!"

And sometimes I'm like "OMG.. I could *never* do that in a million years."

I was reading today about a woman who has an open relationship with her boyfriend. They plan to get married in a few months. She wrote about how as long as he tells her before he goes out to have sex with some other woman, and as long as he uses protection, she's fine with it.

It seems to work fine for those people, so I guess that's good for them. I couldn't say it's wrong or anything; who am I to judge.

But I thought about it for about .4 seconds before I was literally *ill* at the thought of him and I having that kind of arrangement.

I would be *heartbroken*.

And what's the protocol there?

What would you do all night knowing that he was out with someone else?

Do you save leftovers in the fridge for him to pop in the microwave for a midnight snack when he gets home?

Him coming home with some other girl's scratchmarks down his back?

Could a shower ever get the smell of someone else's perfume off his skin?

What do you talk about over breakfast the next morning?

Really, tell me... because I just really don't know how it works, and I'm curious how people can be so cool about the whole thing!

Can you truly be in love with someone and have an open relationship?

Or is having an open relationship just a temporary fix for a bad relationship?

Do these relationships last? How do they do it?


bulging_boy 50M

6/4/2006 7:02 pm

Dunno sweetie,

all I can tell you is that if [blog liBlonde97] did it, i'd be devastated.

Peche85 32F

6/4/2006 10:23 pm

I don't think I would be able to do it. I think I would wonder what was wrong with ME if he wanted to be sleeping with someone else. I think it would be different if it was a threesome, since you are both there, but knowing he is out sleeping with someone else would break my heart!

rm_1hotwahine 64F
21091 posts
6/5/2006 8:37 am

I go back and forth with this one, so I don't know, either. In theory, when I think of the idea of swinging, it sounds like a "I could do that" thing, in the right situation, with the right people. And there have been times where I honestly think I would have if circumstances had been right. But that's looking at it hypothetically. I never actually followed through and I don't think I'd knuw for sure now, until I am in an actual caring relationship with someone.

I do know this --
A couple years before my ex and I parted company (and things were pretty yucky), I was getting ready to leave for a solo vacation and had been communicating with a man from my past (at home, where I was going). One night, out of the blue, my future ex told me that it was ok if I had a fling while on my vacation. My reaction? It was one of the saddest moments of my life. That's when I knew we were pretty much "over." So I totally agree with Peche.

Yet I do know people for whom this lifestyle honestly and legitimately works.

Humans are complicated.

Yeah, I'm still [blog 1hotwahine]

rm_DaphneR 59F
8023 posts
6/5/2006 1:33 pm

The only instance that I can imagine this working for any length of time is that if you were actually turned on by hearing about your partners escapades. Other than that, I agree with Peche about wondering what was wrong with me.

Have tongue, will use it. Repeatedly.

Package1971 47M
1051 posts
6/6/2006 4:27 am

My wife and I have dabbled with this a little. We've both done it. And yes, when she comes home, I make her breakfast and ask for details. I don't think it's a signal that something's broken. I think it takes a great deal of trust for both of us. And we understand that the other one always has the power to turn it off for any reason.

It works, and for us, it's not about other people so much as it's about our relationship. When you can be with other people, you don't want to be with other people as much.

I guess it beats having to always wonder if your partner is having thoughts about someone else or even sleeping around.

You're right. It's not for everyone.

Seriously_Real 49M

6/6/2006 8:57 am

As for me, as probably the whole fucking world knows, my track record of faithfulness in a relationship has not been, well, too terribly good until this year. I've always thought, at least for me, that a desire for some strange is a comment on the state of the relationship that is being stepped out on.

I can understand the need for excitement, etc. I understand that people can separate sex from love. I just ain't that guy, track record notwithstanding.

Now, there is a chance that as a couple I might have interest. But I'm not even particularly good with the ex-wife fucking the brains out of her boy toy right now....I cannot conceive of a scenario where I'd be fine with someone I love banging some other (lesser) dude. Even if I know about it.



Priapeo 47M

6/19/2006 2:11 am

All I can say is that people are different, though i'm starting suspecting that people who find themselves at ease in an open relationship are a minority. Some schemes who look so good written on paper sometimes do not work good when tested upon our body. One has two ways ahead then: 1) refuse the verdict and struggle to adhere to what his ideals about love and sex not caring about his lack of enthusiasm for what he/she is doing or 2) decide that creating an artificial urge is wrong and realize that sometimes fantasies do not coincide with desires.

It's only question of what one thinks to be "natural". For some people, ideas are just as natural as sensations.

Never argue with an idiot. He brings you down to his level then beats you with experience

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