Holding my attention  

Kokomo1963 47M/55F
42 posts
5/7/2006 3:07 pm

Last Read:
5/8/2006 10:28 am

Holding my attention

Saturday night with the girls was a blast. Although it was mostly girls at the bar, very few men and even fewer who were 'worthy'. It's Bloomsday weekend here, so I think that had something to do with it. But lots of dancing and watching everyone else. We were supposed to meet up with a bunch of friends of my co-workers (guys), but they ended up staying at a 40th BDay party. Now you would think guys knowing there are a group of girls who want to cut loose and have some fun, would be extremely interesting to them, right? Well, yes, except the co-worker friend calls the "ringleader" earlier in the night and says that she's met someone--and one of her other friends has met someone--and she can't be with him (in the bibilical sense--I guess that was understood the day before...although she said she had no intentions of putting out! Sheesh!) So anyway, he relays the info to his buddies and they decide what's the point?! But it worked out ok for me. Still had dance partners, so I was happy.
Had one of those random, semi-stranger conversations at the gym yesterday with a 28 YO gal, which made me think more than I should have. Talking about people and relationships and how things change from one age group to another. Made me think about how I felt from 30-35, 35-40, and 40-now, and realize how much it has changed. I'd say there were huge leaps from about 38 to now. And of course for me, that conversation centers around the casual thing. Used to be so easy. It's just downright almost a life choice anymore. I don't see how people can do that so easily--especially after a certain age. I'm sure that's just overthinking it, which I'm good at anyway, but how do you go from being "ok" with casual, to just really having no time for it? I guess it could be a couple of things. I know for me, it was more of several major things that happened and digesting them over time, than just time itself working it out. And you'd think that since I get bored easily, that casual would work for me. Who knows. One of those things I think about a lot. Maybe just too much reality that keeps me from being able to have time/schedule/energy/ whatever to be casual.
Which is why I'm escaping soon. The closer it gets, the more mixed emotions I have about it. If I can disconnect my brain, it will be fine. LOL. Too much unknown territory for me to control the situation--which is the point, I know! It's been a long-time since I've been put in a position that I have no idea of what to expect or what I'm doing. Hmmm...that just said a mouthful, didn't it?!
Well my rendezvous is definitely not connected to the rest of my life right now. I've found my confidence again and feel challenged by life more days than I used to. So I'm fighting to embrace my re-discovered self and then I work to give it all up? Crazy girl. (Yes, I know it all sounds vague and mysterious, but this is really as much for me as anyone, right? LOL. )
I just wish it wasn't so long away. It's beginning to seem unreal and my mind is wandering away. Daily life pushing it's way in and replacing some of the lust. Have to work on that. (that's a hint! LOL )
Ok, enough rambling for now.

rm_KnowStuff 57M
240 posts
5/8/2006 2:22 am

Casual isn't. Connecting is.

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